Part 4
by SoulfullyInclined
Summary: 'Part 2', 'Part 3' Part 4. I don't own anyone. Please Review. Edited.
1. Chapter 103

It was an hour later, 6 p.m. when we all left t he choir room.

"Mandy," Mr. Schue said as I was exiting.

I turned to him; "yeah?"

"I need to see you."

"Ok."

Everyone else left the room. Mr. Schue went and sat on the piano bench. The room was quiet. Still. Outside it had grown dark.

"Sit down," he told me.

I went over and sat on the bleachers.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked me.

"From?"

"The other day, when you passed out. you've been coming to rehearsal since so I gather you must be."

"Yeah. Well that, and the show's nearing, so."

He nodded; "right. what do you think?"

"Of?"

"The show...Rachel...Brian."

"Oh, I'm excited for it. Rachel's a little busy but she can be nice. Her dads are so nice. Brian's great."

"Your parents aren't?"

"That's what she asked. It's just. My dad's busy."

"Oh. And your mom?"

"Um. It's personal."

"Oh ok."

"Um, I really..." I began.

"I actually wanted to ask you something."

"Ok."

"Have you been eating?"

"That's a really personal question."

"I know. But it's just you and I here. You know that Miss Pillsbury's my fiancee."

"Yes and I also know that she's the guidance counselor."

"That's right. Her door's always open."

"Yeah. I know."

"The reason I'm asking was because the other day Chris and Amber came to me, to discuss costuming. Yours had to be taken in quite a bit."

"Oh."


	2. Chapter 104444444455555555555555555

It was 6:30 and we were in one of the vintage shops downtown.

Chris put on a black, 1920's cloche.

"What do you think of this?" he asked.

Amber looked at him and smiled; "oh you can so rock that look Chris."

"Really?"

"Yeah it looks great," I said.

Mandy stepped out of a dressing room wearing a long, white flapper dress and pearls. The dress made her appear thinner than she was.

"Omygod," I gasped.

"You look amazing," Adam told her.

She smiled.

"We should do a '20's themed performance, maybe in the spring," Cory said.

"...that Vanderbilt, might admire..." Rachel sang.

I looked at her, pulling the brim of a purple '40's hat over one eyebrow; "that's, Chicago."

"We could do music from that, and from DeLovely," Dianna said.

"DeLovely's an elegant film."

"Yes. Yes it is."

"You guys know how to Charleston?" Brian asked.

"No."

"You'll learn."

"Very Sinatra," Lily commented, about my hat.

I smiled.

"I found the poodle skirts," Tina said, from a round metal rack of them.

We walked over and checked the prices. They ranged from $24.50 to $60.

"It seems like a lot...let's see that's...$196, almost $200," Mike said.

I looked at him.

"Sorry I'm just really good with numbers."

"Oh."

Rachel walked out of the dressing room in a slick, short '60's dress with wide straps; it had big black and green squares on it.

"We should do a '60's one!" Lily said.

"Yeah, we will."

Chris walked over in a pair of purple platforms.

"Whoa," he said.

"Bowie wore platforms," Santana said.

"Yes I know."

"And I, found the sweaters," Brittany said, from her spot by a round metal rack full of cardigans.

We checked the prices. The sweaters ranged they ranged from $5 to $20.

"I'll pay," I said.

"Wow, really?" Amber asked.

"Yeah."

"Ok."

We walked to the cashier, where I bought the skirts, sweaters, dresses, and the shoes and hats.

We left the store and went back to my place.


	3. Chapter 105555555555566666

It was 7 when we got to the living room Dad, Evan, Rebecca, Alexa, Tom, Hannah, Eric, Rose, Louisa, Serena and Pam were sitting on the sofas. There was a big cardboard box on the coffee table in front of them and several more on the carpet.

"Hey," I said.

"What's all this?" Mandy asked.

"Hey," Dad said.

"Halloween decorations," Evan answered.

"We're putting them up now?" I asked.

"Yeah. You don't mind do you?" Rebecca said.

"No, no. Just let us put our stuff up in my room."

"Ok. We ordered pizza for dinner," Alexa informed me.

"Ok sounds good."

"I love pizza," Amber said as we climbed the stairs to the second floor.

"Babe?" Puck said.

"Yeah?" I returned.

"After this I'm going to Rachel's to bake, so I can't stay long."

"Ok."

Rachel, like myself, lived in a large house.

"I already know the schedule," Rachel said, as we reached my room.

"Of?" I asked, opening the door.

"For the club."

"Oh."

We went into my room and set the hopping bags on the floor. This meant mr. schue had already told her.

"We're doing a Valentine's Day show and one for St. Patrick's Day," Rachel said.

"Oh."

"We should do a cabaret themed one...you know, you, Lily, Serena, maybe Amanda," Puck said.

"I could be in it as well," Tina said.

Puck looked at her; "you, can cabaret dance?"

"Clearly, you don't know me," she returned.

"We're also doing a gay pride one," Chris said.

"It involves rainbows," Cory said.

We went down the stairs and into the living room, where everyone exchanged introductions.

We crouched down on the floor by the boxes. We pulled out orange and black garlands, cauldrons, skeletons, cat figurines, fake spiders, fake lilies, fake roses, witch's hats.

"Lilies?" Puck asked, looking at me.

"They're the death flower," Lily answered.

He turned to her; "oh?"

"Yeah. During the 1930's for funerals, they couldn't afford roses."

"Oh."

"Evan, Rachel, Puck, Serena, Rose and I'll do the attic," I volunteered.

"Ok." Dad replied.

"Alexa, Tom, Eric, Louisa, Serena and I'll do the bedrooms," Rebecca said.

"Sounds good."

"Adam, Amber, Cory, Chris, Dianna and I'll do this floor," Mandy said.

"Alrite."

"Mike, Tina, Brittany, Santana, Lily and I'll do the outside," Brian said.

"Ok. Just take a box or 2 and start," Pam told us.

"Ok."

Evan and Puck took 2 boxes each and them, myself, Rachel, Serena and Rose climbed the 2 flights of stairs to the attic.

-XXX-

When we got to the top floor of the house Evan and Puck set the boxes on the floor.

"We'll go get some more," Evan said.

"Ok," I said.

They went down the stairs behind us.

"Wow," Rachel said.

"It's so big," Serena said.

"I know. I've been up here before but yeah, it's still big. Dad's hardly ever up here, so," Rose said.

"I've actually never been up here," I aid.

"So where's the attic?" Rachel asked.

"Well, right in front of us, I...think."

"Yeah you're right Ashley it's right in front of us," Rose told me.

"Ok."

A few yards in front of us at the end of the dark wooded hall were 2 giant wooden doors with large metal handles. The doors met in the middle and stretched to the walls. Along the walls and down the hall were several door.

"That's, your attic?" Serena asked.

"Yeah apparently so."

"Omygod that's huge!"

"Yeah I know."

"Why are there so many doors?" Rachel asked.

"Bedrooms, probably," Rose answered.

"Wow. An entire family could live here and you'd never know."

"Yeah it's a bit creepy."

"It's also warm. And stuffy. And dusty. And...well, don't take off your shoes cuz you might get a nail or a splinter," Serena observed.

I noticed carvings in 3 of the doors and went over to them.

'DO NOT ENTER' one said, 'KEEP OUT' another read, 'MY ROOM' the 3rd one said.

"Why would anyone carve in the doors?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know. But I have a feeling...that whoever carved these isn't the owner of these rooms".

I placed my right hand over the first one, and immediatly got an image; a man pushed a dark haired girl into the room, locked the door it and put the key in his pocket.

"Noooooo!" her screams echoed.

I stepped back from the door.

"Oh. my god," I said.

"You ok?" Rose asked.

"I...something happened in this room. Something dark. Whatever you do don't go in there," I warned them.

I went to the next door, and traced the lettering. Again, I got an image.

"Don't worry, it's perfectly safe. There are lilacs in there Lily and I know how much you like them. Emerald's already been examined," the tall thin old man in the white lab coat said, holding the door open for the brunette.

I stepped back and went back to the group.

"Lily..." I whispered.

"Hm?" Serena asked, looking at me.

The next image that flashed through my mind was of the brunette, her curly black hair now dyed red.

"Honey?" Serena asked.

I shook my head to clear it; "nothing."

"Ok."

"Do you think we should go in the other rooms?" Rachel asked.

"No, not...not right now."

"Usually nothing fazes you. You sure you're alrite?" Rose asked.

I looked at her. Her green eyes were wide.

"I'll tell you about it later," I told her.

"Ok."

It was also quite dark.

"There a light up here?" Serena asked.

Don't turn on the light, I heard a voice say.

"No. But I have one," I replied

I pulled my Zippo out and flicked it open, lighting the flame.

"Don't smoke up here, it's made entirely of wood," Serena said.

"This is for light sweethart," I told her.

"Oh."

In the dark I saw a glint of a reflection and realised there were mirrors placed in between the doors.

"Why are there so many mirrors?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know., Rose answered.

"Oh."

Alongside one wall below a mirror I noticed a wood end table on which was a wrought iron candlebra with black candles stuck in it.

"Black, candles?" Serena asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. We shouldn't light them."

"Ok."

Rachel crouched on the floor in front of the boxes.

"Guess we should open the boxes," she said, taking the lids off the top ones and setting them aside.

She stood up. Serena moved closer to me and wound her arm around my waist.

In front of us, the candles flickered on.

"Whoa," Rachel said.

"Yeah I saw that too," Rose said.


	4. Chapter 10666666666666677777777777777

Behind us we heard footsteps. We stepped to the side to let Puck and Evan up. They put the boxes all the boxes on the floor and opened them.

"Did you...?" Evan asked, looking at me and then the candles.

"No, none of us did."

"Oh."

"That the attic?" Puck asked, indicating the large doors.

I nodded; "yeah."

"Alrite."

They went and opened the heavy doors.

"There ya go," Evan said.

"Thanks," I said.

We each got a box and went into the giant room. There were round windows on 3 sides, and what I could only presume were large paintings leaning against the walls. There were black trunks, wire dress forms, round hat boxes, wood night stands and rectangular cardboard boxes. Some of the dress forms were empty and some had clothes, jewelry and scarves on them.

"Wow," Serena said.

Someone flicked a switch and the room was flooded with light.

"Guess they decided to install modern lighting up here," Rachel said.

"They?" Rose asked.

"Whoever lived here before you did."

"Oh."

"So where do we start?" Puck asked.

"Um, try and tape the garlands to the ceiling," I told them.

"Ok."

They dug the garlands out of the boxes and started.

Serena, Rose, Rachel and I taped the skeletons and paper ghosts to the walls and windows. Within a few minutes we were done.

We left the boxes in the room and headed downstairs into the living room. It was 7:40 by that time.


	5. Chapter 1077777777888888888889999999

_A few minutes later I got a text from the unknown number;_

_i know the secret of your attic. it has to do w/ your best friend. xoxo_


	6. Chapter 10111111111

It was a few hours later. We were all at the airport by the baggage claim. Puck had driven myself and Serena, Cory had driven Rachel and Dianna, Amber had driven Chris, Brittany and Santana, Puck's exgirlfriend. Evan and Rebecca were also were standing by the baggage carousel. I spotted Lily's big, dark purple suitcase and tried to lift it off. Puck came over.

"Here I'll help," he said.

He lifted the suitcase off the spinning carousel and set it next to me.

"Thanks," I said, smiling.

"Mmmhmm you're welcome."

A few feet away from us, Rachel was practicing choreography with Amber and Chris.

"Hey have yall met Evan?" I asked the others.

Puck stepped forward and shook hands with Evan.

"It's nice to meet you," Rebecca told him.

"You too. You're lovely."

She smiled.

They met Dianna, Cory, Brittany and Santana.

"Is Lily here?" Evan asked.

"No, not yet," I answered.

"Ok."

He and Rebecca had their arms around each other.

"How's everyone?" I asked Evan.

"Well, Kate, Anna and Mandy are still in the hospital. Mandy came home for a bit but then relapsed and had to go back in," he answered.

"Wow."

"Yeah and I don't know if Dad told you this or not but it's now been confirmed that Anna has leukemia as well."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah. Kate's comforter's been drycleaned, Marie's downtown, working."

"She's trying to quit. She actually came to school today," I told him.

"Yeah I know."

"Oh."

"Your sisters?" Puck asked.

I nodded; "yeah."

"No news on Mom's front," Evan told me.

"Oh."

I sighed.

"Something wrong?" Puck asked.

"I'll tell you later."

"Ok."

My phone rang.

"Yeah?" I asked, flipping it open.

"Hi darling where are you?" Lily's Irish accent asked.

"Baggage claim."

"Is my..."

"Yeah your luggage arrived before you did."

"Ok I'm so excited to see you! I want to see your family too."

"Me too! Er I mean I'm excited to see you too."

She laughed; "ok I'll see you in a few."

"Ok."

I flipped my phone closed. The others looked at me expectantly.

"That was Lily," I told them.

Rachel, Amber and Chris came over to us.

"Lily?" Rachel asked.

"Best friend, she lives up in the city," I told her, turning to her.

"Oh ok."

"She'll be here in a few."

I smiled. Serena laced her hand through mine.

"You look excited," she told me.

"I am."

She brushed my hair back from my shoulder and put a kiss on my neck, moving my scarf.

"Awww," the girls chorused.

I blushed.

Serena wound her arm around my waist.

"You know...you're very cute when you blush," Puck told me.

I blushed more.

"Honey could we do something later tonight? When everyone's...settled. I've missed you," Serena whispered.

"Ok, yeah. It might not be for a couple of hours though."

"That's ok."

"You got plans for math class tomorrow?" Puck asked me.

"No, why?"

"MySpace."

He was referring to the list on his blog, asking if I'd ditch math class with him.

"Yeah sure ok," I replied.

"Ok cool."

A few yards in front of us a gorgeous redhead in a long dark green coat and black leather stilettos came toward me, bringing her rolling black carryon behind her.

"There she is," I whispered.

"Is that Lily?" asked Evan, who'd only met her once.

"Yeah that's her. My best friend."

"Wow she's beautiful," Rebecca commented.

"Yeah not only is she one of the most beautiful woman I know but she's also one of the sweetest."

"As sweet as you?" Serena asked.

"Yes. She's lovely. You'll like her."

She came closer to us. I walked towards her, letting go of Serena. Lily and I hugged. She smelled wonderful; like lilacs and vanilla.

"Hi!" I squealed.

"Hello darling. It's so good to see you. I want to meet your friends."

"Ok. It's good to see you too. And they want to meet you too. You smell wonderful."

"Thank you, as do you."

"Thank you and you're welcome."

"As are you."

We walked towards the others.

"How was your flight?" I asked.

"Well, long, considering we were delayed due to the snow. The first one, we had last night, was canceled, as you know."

I nodded; "right."

"And the one we had tonight was delayed."

"Oh. How are you?"

"Ok, tired, hungry. You?"

"Same. How's the city?"

"Busy as ever."

We'd reached the group. Puck took Lily's carryon and put it with her suitcase. Evan and Lily hugged,

"Evan! It's so good to see you love. And who's this lovely lady?" Lily asked.

Evan smiled, and they let go; "thank you, you too. This is my girlfriend Rebecca."

Rebecca reached her hand towards Lily, who hugged her.

"Oh," Rebecca said in surprise.

They let go, and Evan wound his arm around Rebecca's waist.

"It's nice to meet you sweethart. I'm Lily," Lily told Rebecca.

"Nice to meet you as well."

"Here's your luggage," Puck said, stepping aside.

"Oh thank you hun," Lily said, reaching to take her suitcase.

"You're welcome. I'm Puck by the way."

"And I'm Lily, nice to meet you."

They shook hands.

"I'll get that," Evan said, taking Lily's suitcase.

"Thank you."

"Mmmhmm."

Puck got Lily's carryon and we walked towards the automatic door.

"I brought the van," Evan informed us.

"Ok," I replied.

We stepped outside into the cold dark night.

"And who's this beautiful blonde?" Lily asked, referring to Serena.

"This is Serena. Her mom's Kate's nurse."

"Oh. Are you 2...?"

"Kinda."

She was asking if we were involved.

"Nice to meet you," Serena told Lily.

"Thank you, you too dear."

"You're welcome."

"Oh she's lovely," Serena told me.

"I told you. Isn't she?"

Serena nodded.

"I'll get the van," Evan said.

"Ok."

"I like your coat," Dianna told Lily.

"Thank you. And you're...?"

"Dianna, Ashley and I know each other from school."

"Nice to meet you."

"Thank you, you too."

"Awesome boots," Amber told Lily.

"Thank you, I like your earrings."

"You're welcome, and thank you as well."

Amber was wearing banana yellow hoop earrings.

"Oh, I'm Amber, by the way," Amber told Lily.

"Lily."

"You're from Ireland?" Chris asked.

"Mmmhmm."

"Which part?"

"Northern."

"Oh."

"You?"

"Ohio."

"Oh. I'm hungry," Lily said.

"I think there are some places still open. Perkins, for instance," Rachel told Lily.

"Ok let's go there."

"Ok. I'm Rachel."

"Lily, nice to meet you."

"You too."

As Evan brought the van around, Lily, Tina, Brittany and Santana exchanged introductions. Evan stepped out of the big white van and he and Puck put Lily's luggage in the front where Evan and Rebecca sat. Lily, Serena and myself sat in the next row and Puck, Dianna and Amber sat behind us. Cory said he'd drive Rachel, Tina, Brittany and Santana to Perkins and that we'd meet them and Chris there.

-XXX-

At perkins we met Chris, Rachel, Tina, Brittany and santanna who were already sitting at one of the long tables. They looked up from their menus when we entered. Chris pulled some more chairs over and we sat.

"Hey," Rachel said.

"Hi," I said.

"Do you know what you're getting?"

"Um no but I'm hungry."

"I think we all are," Tina said.

"So lily," Brittany said.

Lily looked at her: "yes?"

"You're from Ireland?"

"Yeah. I moved to New Orleans when I was little then new York then California where I met my boyfriend matt and then here."

"Oh wow. You still together?"

"No…no."

"Oh."

"Yeah breakups suck," santanna said.

Amber looked at her; "santanna!"

"Well they do."

"Oh it was mutual, actually," lily said: "i. had to."

"Oh. Yeah I know about t hat," Dianna said.

"And where are all of you from?"

"Ohio," everyone but puck and Evan answered.

"Texas then new york then Ohio," puck said.

"Oh," lily said.

She looked at Evan who said "Rhode island."

"Oh."

"Hey we'll get the check," he told us.

"Hey thanks," puck said.

"Sure."

We looked down at our menus.


	7. Chapter 10222222222222

A few minutes later….

"Ashley," puck said looking at me.

I looked at him: "yeah?"

Wed already ordered.

"You wanted to tell me something?"

"Oh that's right."

"So?"

"Um. Outside."

"Ok."

We stood and went outside a few feet away from perkins.

"Um. Now 2 of my sisters have leukemia," I told him.

"Oh oh wow. I know how that is my sister had had that," he said.

That means she died from it.

"Thanks."

"Sure."

"And my other sister has an eating disorder…..and a bunch of us cut. And my mom she. Well. She was in a car accident. She's been out in a coma to help her brain get better but. That's all they really know."

"Wow."

"And ones a prostitute although she's trying to quit, so."


	8. Chapter 121

**Puck**

While downtown one day I'd found a notebook on a bus bench by the ballet school which already had a few entries in it. I picked up, opened it, flipped to a new page and started writing;

**I met someone new today, this morning. Marie. Some guys on the football team were bothering her, asking her if she'd have sex with them, seeing as she's 'willing'. Their words, not mine. Most people our age want to have sex. I wonder why they chose her in particular. I told them to leave her alone. They left and I asked if she was ok. We exchanged introductions. She's really pretty. Big blue eyes, dark hair. Sweet, small. French, from her accent.**


	9. Chapter 118

Friday

**Louisa**

It was Sunday. I was having lunch with Pansy and Lauren. The cafeteria where we were was noisy and crowded. Because it'd been so cold out I'd had an excuse to wear long sleeves.

"How was class?" I asked Pansy.

"Ok, long."

"When's your mom getting back?"

"In a few weeks. They're performing the Nutcracker in the city."

"Oh, that's where the glee club's performing."

"Yeah I know."

"Oh."

As usual, Pansy had her long dark hair up in a bun.

"How are things with you?" she asked, dipping her triscuit into a small tub of hummus on the table in front of her.

"Ok. I'm really tired. I drank last night."

"Wow again?"

"Yeah, well."

"Do you want to come over after school?" Lauren asked me.

"Yeah, ok."


	10. Chapter 11789

Puck, Cory, Rachel, Dianna, Amber, Chris and myself were all in a classroom for our first glee club meeting. A small Asian young woman with long straight dark hair came in and sat next to Chris. She was wearing a dark purple long sleeve sweater and skirt and fishnets, as did a blonde cheerleader. The blonde cheerleader had blue eyes. She was in her cheerleading uniform. Puck was in jeans and a long sleeve button shirt.

We were all sitting on the bleachers. There was a piano near the middle of the room.

Mr. Schue came in and passed out sheet music then sat down in a blue plastic chair a few feet from the piano.

"Before we begin I'd like to tell you about your assignment," he said.

We looked at him expectently.

"Id like each of you, to choose a song or several songs representing your lives up to now. Youll be singing it herein a few weeks. Now lets get started."

We looked at the sheet music; 'You're The One I Want".

"Grease? Seriously?" Amber asked.

"Yeah it'll be super!" Rachel crie d perkily.

"Super? This isn't the 1950's honey," Chris reminded her, with a bit of attitude.

"Hey I'm the one with the attitude, not you," Amber reminded him.

"And _you're_ not a housewife," Rachel reminded Chris.

We laughed.

"Ok let's see...Ashely and..." Mr. Schue began.

"Me?" Serena asked eagerly.

"No, sorry. Homosexuality wasn't evident in the 1950's. How 'bout...Chris?"

"Oh but it's perfectly ok for a gay man to sing with a...?" Chris began.

"Bi," I supplied.

"Bi woman?"

"Sexuality has nothing to do with it. Everyone, at the piano please."

We stood up and gathered around the big shiny black piano.

"Ashley?" Cory asked.

I looked over at him; "yeah?"

"Grocery shopping after?"

"Yeah."

The fair pianist struck the first chords of the song and Christ began in his high soprano voice; "I've got chills, they're multi- I'm sorry."

The pianist stopped playing. Mr. Schue looked at Chris.

"Why?" he asked.

"I can't pretend to be straight when I'm not. I'm sorry Mr. Schue. Excuse me."

He left the room, Amber starting to go after him. Mr. Schue looked at her.

"No Amber," he told her.

She heaved a big sigh; "ok."

Mr. Schue looked at the Asian; "Tina?"

She nodded and left the room.

"Sorry about that guys," Mr. Schue said; "um, let's start again. Ashley and...Puck."

"Ok," I agreed.

The piano started again. Puck began in a low, controlled voice the first lines of the song. As we sang I noticed how good-looking he was. There was something about him that seemed broken, dark, somehow. Now that he was in glee club he also seemed softer.

As the group began to dance Serena put her arm around my slim waist.

"Youve not been at ballet as much," she noticed.

"Yeah, well. After you getting the lead...and I cant talk now honey I have to singand dance."

"Oh. I get it."

Her arm slid from my waist and she also left the room. Mr. Schue sighed. We resumed our singing.

After we were done we sat back down.

"Good job everyone, with the exception of Serena, Chris and Tina leaving, though I _told_ Tina to leave."

"Thank you," Rachel said from her spot next to Cory.

He had his arm around her.

"Why not me?" Amber asked.

"I'll need to see you after to explain."

"Ok."

"I have another announcement. The Friday before winter break we'll be having an open mic night, which will include poetry readings and singing."

Puck was sitting next to me, his hand resting on the bleacher behind me.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Is it ok if I put my arm around you? Cuz I know you're with Serena and..."

I sighed heavily; "yeah. I could use some comfort right now."

"Me too."

"You guys are free to go," Mr. Schue told us.

We stood up and left the room, Amber staying behind to talk. Rachel and Cory had their arms around each other, Puck had his around me. Dianna was walking with us.

"Hey, can I come?" he asked me.

"Grocery shopping?"

"Uh huh."

"Sure."

"Can I?" Dianna asked.

"Yeah."

We walked out to Puck's big black jeep. He opened the door of the passenger side for me. I got in and he went over to the driver's side. I set my stuff on the floor and buckled. Behind us Cory and Dianna got in the backseat.

"Sorry there's not much room and...that it smells like smoke," Puck apologised.

"That's ok. It actually reminds me a lot of my brother's."

"Oh. How old's your brother?"

"19, the oldest out of all of us."

He turned the key in the ignition and adjusted the rearview mirror.

"Oh. Where's the nearest grocery store?"

I told him. He started driving.

"Wow big family?"

"Yeah, and you?"

"Uh...no. Just me and my mom who has to work 2 jobs just to pay the bills. So she's not around much."

I got the feeling he was hiding something.

"Oh. What about your dad?"

"He...uh..." he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"No, I get it."

"Oh."

He rounded a corner.

"What about your family?" he asked.

"Oh. Well, about a year or so ago I came here. I was born in New Orleans, to an Irish mother who my daughter's named after. She died when I was young, my mother. My daughter's 3 and living up in the city with my best friend."

"Your, daughter?"

"Yeah, my dad..."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah."

"He and I moved to Brooklyn after my mom died."

"Oh. What was up with Serena?"

"She's got a lot going on at home and I think she took it out on me."

"Yeah I get that. Would you like to come over later?"

"Yeah ok."

We found a parking spot in the grocery store parking lot and parked, then got out and went into the store.


	11. Chapter 102

**Serena**

That day after school I was on my MySpace, blogging;

**So Ashley signed up for the glee club. Which means that she'll be busier and I'll see less of her. Our sisters have cancer, which is another thing we have in common. It's actually the reason we're friends, and more. My mom's always at the hospital, helping Sierra, Kate and others. Sierra's my sister. We haven't seen my dad in awhile. He and Mom fought, a lot, so they eventually divorced. They're not on good terms. Sierra blames him for not being around more to help with her hospital bills.**


	12. Chapter 104

Louisa

Pansy and I were at her place that afternoon. We were in her sizeable room on her comfortable bed. On her walls were posters of ballet stars. On a bulletin board on the wall her bed was against was a set of toe shoes, playbills, tickets and programs. I was eating pasta salad. Pansy of course wasn't eating anything.

She saw me looking at the toe shoes and looked there herself.

"my moms very first pair," she told me.

"oh."

"the hummus was scary," she said.

"what?"

I looked back at her.

"the hummus. You know from earlier. It was scary."

"um…."

I wasn't quite sure what to say.

"I. why? How?"

She lied down on the bed.

"idinno its just. Its big. Do you ever feel like that? Like food is bigger than you?"

"well no not…not food exactly. But life," I said.

"right yeah exactly."

"so I kindof get it."

She reached up and touched the shoes. I followed her fingers w/ my eyes.

"do you miss her?" I asked.

"well I miss her presence not her. In a way it's a relief since she doesn't eat either. But its nice to have a presence in the house," pansy said.

"it makes that presence sound like a ghost."

"yeah. I could be that way. You know. Presence ghost girl disappearing tori amos."

Mandy.


	13. Chapter 105

**6 p.m.**

It was 6 that night. The group was at my house, downstairs in the living room. I was up in my room on my MySpace blogging;

**it's 6 and I'm knackered. I've been up for 12+ hours. I had ballet this morning, 2 hours. Cheerleading after school, we have a competition in 3 weeks. Then glee club, an hour. I've barely had time for dinner. The group, are members of the glee club, with the exception of Serena and Marie. The other day I auditioned for both the club and the school play. I haven't heard back from Mr. Schue, who's the Spanish teacher, about the plays. We're having an open mic night the Friday before winter break and going to New York over break. Speaking of Lily should be here in a few hours.**

**For the club, the first song we're doing is 'You're The One I Want' from Grease. I got the female lead and Puck [Noah] got the male. Amber and Chris are doing the costumes and Rachel's doing choreography. Her mom went to Julliard. Usually either Amber or Rachel gets the female male lead was going to go to Chris but he couldn't pretend to be something he's not. He's gay and apparently so are Rachel's dads.**

"Babe?" I head a voice ask.

I turned around in my black office chair and saw Puck standing in the door frame, holding a white paper plate with a partially eaten slice of pepperoni and pineapple pizza on it.

"Yeah?"

"Want some pizza?"

"Um no, not right now thanks."

"Ok. Is it ok if I stay for awhile?"

I nodded and turned back to the screen.

"Whatcha doin?" Puck asked, sprawling across my bed.

"Blogging."

"Oh."

I went to my media player on my computer and pressed 'play' with the mouse. In This Moment's cover of 'Call Me' filled the room.

"Oh this is such a great song," Puck said.

"Yeah I know."

"Oh I don't mean to eat on your bedding."

"It's ok, it's washable."

"Ok."

I turned back to my blogging;

**Serena and I definately like each other, but we're not going out. We've hardly been intimate though. I met her before I met Puck. Puck's so sensitive though...he sings...he's a great dancer...he's a football player... a guitarist... He keeps himself pretty gaurded; his past is as dark as mine. I met his mom, who works 3 jobs. She was bit rude. They don't have light, or electricity at the moment. I offered to help them out with this. But he might like Marie. Or maybe he thinks of her more as a younger sister who he wants to protect. His own family's got a dark past.**

**Serena's trying to get a job as well.**

**At Puck's it's very quiet, just him and I, the complete opposite of word 'cancer' isn't the center of everyone's world.**

I posted the blog and went to check my comments. There was one from Rachel and one from Serena. The one from Rachel read; **'good job at the tryouts, and at ballet. You're so graceful when you dance. You and Puck are a good couple'.**

The one from Serena read; **'hey beautiful! I'm sorry about everything...:(. 3'**.

I replied to both their comments, correcting Rachel by saying thanks, but Puck and I aren't a couple. There was also a comment from an anonymous user who called himself The Modern Day James Dean, which read; **'you're beautiful and you have a *hell*, of a voice. Great dancer too. See you soon. :)'**.

Emilie Autumn's 'The Art Of Suicide' came into the room.

"Wow this is beautiful," Puck commented.

I turned and looked at him; "you know, of Emilie Autumn?"

"Yeah my sister loved...her."

Oh.

I went to Serena's page and read her blog. She had a new job and wondered about our relationship. I commented it, telling her congratulations on the new job. I then went back to my own page, specifically my photos. The scent of cologne and body heat came behind me.

I clicked on the album that was entitled 'Work', opening it In it were 4 pages of me in various poses while stripping at the strip club.

"Wow," Puck breathed when he saw one of me in white hanging upside down on the stripper pole.

"Yeah I know. Everyone loves a stripper. Lily's one as well."

"Your best friend?"

"Yeah she's coming down here in a few hours. You got one?"

"A...stripper?"

I laughed; "no, a MySpace."

He laughed quietly; "oh. Yeah. Scuse me."

He handed the plate to me. I put it in my lap and he put his fingers on the computer keyboard. In the MySpace search box he typed 5 words. The page refreshed itself and a list of people came up. He clicked on the first one and again, the page refreshed itself. He got the pizza from my lap and resumed his place on my bed.

"There ya go," he said.

The backround of the page was a shadowed Puck bent over his guitar, playing it. My eyes glanced up at the top of the webpage, where his user name was; The Modern Day James Dean.

I looked over at him; "oh so _you're_ the one who left that comment."

He smiled; "yeah."

I turned back to the page, scanning it. I discovered he liked the movies Casablanca, Breakfast Club and Rebel Without A Cause, Nights In Rodanthe, Frida, Ray and Grease among many others. He liked Bob Dylan, Miles Davis. Emilie Autumn, Led Zeppelin. Elvis, Johnny Cash, Il Divo, Norah Jones, Ray Charles, Santana and The Carpenters among others.

"Wow I didn't know you liked Casablanca," I said.

"Yeah...I'm a bit of a romantic," he replied.

"Frida that's a bit of a surprise."

"She was an incredible artist."

"Yeah she was. And sad too."

"I know that's why I like her."

"My sister Alexa and Tom are going as Frida and Diego for Hallowen."

"Which reminds me..."

"Yeah?" I asked, turning around in my chair.

"Are you going to the Halloween dance with anyone?"

"Well, Serena, if she doesn't have to work."

"Oh."

"If not I'll go with you."

"Ok."

I turned back to the screen and went to Puck's blog. The newest entry was entitled; **love interest, or?**

In it, he stated he liked me and that he was protecting Marie, as not many had. He knew I was with Serena and didn't want to get between us.

I clicked the next entry, which was entitled **100 Things You Might Know About Me:**

**1: I'm Jewish**

**2: my dad took off when I was little but before that he beat my mom**

**3: who works 3 jobs just to pay the bills**

**4: I'm a football player**

**5: I used to be an ass but that was before I joined glee club in high school back in Ohio**

**6: I like sex. A lot.**

**7: I like pizza**

**8: I had 10 siblings but they died from various forms of addiction. One was murdered and one died of leukemia.**

**9: I like James Dean movies**

**10: I like dip**

**11: I'm a guitarist**

**12: I don't let many people in**

**13: I once modeled**

**14: I'm a bit of a romantic**

**15: I'm from New York but we moved to Ohio**

**16: my sister's the reason I like Emilie Autumn**

**17: my mom's the reason I like Norah Jones**

**18: my exgirlfriend, a Latina cheerleader, broke up with me back in Ohio**

**19: I worked as a pool boy for Rachel Berry back in Ohio**

**20: I haven't been to a math class in 4 years**

The list went on and on.

"You want some pizza?" he asked.

"Um yeah ok."

I stood up, pushed back my chair and we went down the hall, stairs and into the living room. With the exception of Marie, who, as usual, was downtown, the group was sitting on the white living room sofas, talking.

"We could be the Pink Ladies," Rachel said.

"So that's...7 costumes. Ok," amber said.

"And we could be the T Birds," Cory said.

"Yall know your measurements? Cuz Chris and I will need to know them tomorrow."

Cory nodded; "yeah."

"We need pink scarves too. And sweaters," Tina said.

"And those shoes?" Dianna put in.

"Saddle shoes," Brittany supplied.

"Right, those."

"We can go shopping after rehearsal tomorrow. I know some great vintage shops downtown!" Chris said excitedly.

"Ok. How's the choreography going Rachel?" Amber asked her.

"Not well. I still need to talk to Puck and Ashley about it."

"They're a good couple."

"They're not a couple. I just checked my MySpace and Ashley corrected me on that."

"No they're not," Serena replied, annoyed.

"Oh."

"Rachel would you help me with my ballet?"

"Yeah does tomorrow work?"

"Mmmhmm."

We went in to the living room and sat down. I sat in between Serena and Puck and started eating a slice of pizza.

-XXXX-

Amber, Chris, Dianna and Mandy were sitting on the couch when we got there.

"Hey the pizza should be here by 8," Amber told us.

"Ok. Where'r Adam and Cory?" I asked.

"Upstairs, putting the boxes away," Chris answered.

"Oh. The others?"

"Upstairs, outside. They got caught up talking," Dianna answered.

"Oh. It looks great."

"Thanks," Mandy replied.

The garlands were wound around the staircase railing and there were ghosts, witch's hats, skeletons, crescent moons and black roses on various spots on the walls.

Puck and Rachel were standing in the entryway.

"Hey we're gonna get going," Puck said.

I looked at them; "ok thanks for helping."

"You're welcome. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok bye."

"Bye."

They left.

Evan, Serena and Rose went and sat on the sofa.

"Yeah we should probably get going too," Amber said, standing.

"Ok, well thanks," I said.

"Uh huh see you tomorrow," Chris said, standing.

They also left.

I sat on the sofa next to Serena and Mandy. In the kitchen I heard Dad, Jennifer, Mark and Pam talking.

"Should we get started on the baking?" Dianna asked.

"Yeah ok," Mandy replied.

"What are we baking?" Serena asked.

"Cupcakes, cookies, muffins and brownies," I replied.

"All of us?" Dianna asked.

"Well no, not all 4 of us," Mandy stated.

"Oh."

"Thats what's the group's baking."

"Ohh."

Dad, Jennifer and Mark and Pam came out of the kitchen.

"Hey we're gonna go out to dinner," he told me.

"Ok, wer'e gonna do some baking for the bake sales we're having every day at lunch to raise money for the glee club's new york trip over winter break," I told him.

"Ok when're your performances?"

"Not sure talk to Mr. Schue...ster."

"Ok I'll email him."

"Ok. Can I have a sleepover on Friday?"

"Sure that'd be ok."

"Ok."

They left.

"I was thinking we'd bake ghost, pumpkin, cat, witch, bat and spider web cookies for Halloween, and drape spiderweb frosting on the brownies and cupcakes," Dianna said.

"Ok that sounds good," Mandy said.

"And then the muffins will just be normal...muffins," Serena said.

"Ok," I said.

"And we could bake gingerbread men, snowflakes, Christmas trees, angels, bells, snow people and shortbread cookies," Dianna said.

"Snow, people?" Mandy aked, looking at her.

"They're not all men you know."

"Oh."

"Well," Serena said, standing; "we should prolly get started on the muffins."

"Ok," I said, standing as well.

We all went into the kitchen.


	14. Chapter 106

s 9 that night and Dianna, Cory, Serena and I were in the room Marie and I shared. She was out with Puck. Kate, Mandy and Anna were at the hospital, Evan and Rebecca were at his place, Hannah was out, Louisa was at Lauren's; Alexa was at Tom's and Dad and Jennifer were out. The only ones in the house were Pam, Lily and myself.

"Wow the auditions were long," Dianna said.

She and Cory were on Marie's bed and Serena and I were on mine.

"Yeah but you've got such a great voice," Cory said.

Dianna softly smiled; "thank you."

"For someone so quiet," Serena said.

"The glee club list will be up tomorrow," I said.

"Yeah but I think we'll all get in," Dianna confirmed.

"We left Ohio because of the people," Cory told us.

"Oh," was Serena's reply

"Yeah not everyone there's accepting of homosexuals," Dianna said.

Cory looked at me, referring to Rachel's dads. I nodded.

"Where's her mom?" I asked.

"Um, her mom..."

"Sorry."

"No it's ok. I know you won't say anything."

"Ok. And no. I won't."

I noticed a text message on my phone. I flipped my phone open and read it;

sweethart the flight's delayed due to snow. xoxo.

It was from Lily. I sighed, my shoulders moving up and down.

"Yes?" Serena said into my long blonde hair.

"The flight's delayed."

"Oh."

"I gotta text Evan hangon."

She nodded.

I texted Evan the news and flipped my phone closed.

"Yeah so go on," I said, looking up at Cory.

"...took off when Rachel was little after finding out her Jewish dad was gay," Dianna finished.

"Oh wow."

"Yeah. So Rachel clearly doesn't have a problems with homosexuals."

"Yeah well clearly."

"Is that why she is the way she is?" Serena wondered.

"Yeah. She acts the diva part to cover up how insecure she is about everything."

"Oh."

"We got to know each other during 'Wicked'. Her mom's an actress in... London, I think it is."

"Wow."

"And how long have you 2 known each other?"

"Oh, about a week," I answered.

"Oh."

A knock came on my door. We looked up to see Lily standing in the doorway.

"Honey do you want some dinner?"she asked.

"You're cooking?" I asked.

"Yeah I've actually soberd up. For once."

"Oh. Yeah pasta's fine."

"Ok."

"Pasta, my favorite. I'll help," Cory said getting up from the bed.

"You cook?"Dianna asked, looking at him.

"Yeah," he answered turning back around to look at her.

"Oh."

Cory followed Lily downstairs.

"I guess I'll get up too,"Serena said, getting up and going after them.

She left.

"Yes, the baby's mine," Dianna told me; "Puck told me that you'd brought her up."

"Oh."

"Yeah, Puck, Cory and I got into a big fight about it back in Ohio. I'd told Cory it was his when it was really Puck's. My parents kicked me out. Mr. Schue divorced his first wife after she faked being pregnant. He and Miss Pillsbury want kids, so they're taking care of mine. I'm staying with my sister. Puck's the dad."

"Oh. Wow ok."

Silence filled the room.

"I've a daughter as well. She's 3. She's up in the city with my best friend."

"You're from New York?"

"Well, New Orleans, originally."

"Oh."

Pause.

"We need to go grocery shopping," I muttered.


	15. Chapter 107

**11 p.m.**

It was an hour later, 11 p.m. and Evan had just pulled the van into the driveway of our house. Everyone but Puck, Rebecca, Dianna and Serena'd gone home. We all got out and Evan and Puck wheeled Lily's luggage into the entryway and off into the guest room while Rebecca, Dianna, Lily and myself went into the living room and sat down on the sofa. In a few minutes Puck and Evan joined. The house was very quiet, for once.

"Wow it's so...quiet," Evan observed.

"Yeah I know. It was quiet at Puck's too. And Serena's," I said.

"You're just so used to everyone getting sick, running around and whatnot," Serena told me.

"Yeah I am. Where'r Marie, Hannah and Alexa?" I asked Evan.

"Still out."

"Oh."

"What happened?" Dianna asked, looking at me.

"What do you mean?" I returned.

"You said something about people getting sick..."

"Oh, that."

"Yeah, that."

"Well, Kate, my second to youngest sister, is in the hospital with leukemia. She was diagnosed when she was 2. Sometimes, she's here and could get sick at any given moment. Those nights my dad-"

"Our dad," Evan put in.

"Right, our dad, doesn't get much sleep."

"Wow," Dianna said.

"Yeah. And a few weeks ago it was discovered that Anna, our youngest sister, had it."

"Wow."

"Yeah, so."

Lily stood up; "does anyone want some tea?"

Rebecca looked up at her; "you really don't have to..."

Lily looked at her; "no I want to."

"I'll have some. I'll also help with the tea."

"Ok."

"Me too," Evan said.

"As will I," Dianna added.

"And me," Serena said.

"You want some hun?" Lily asked me.

"Ok."

"Yeah I could go for some tea," Puck said.

"Ok."

Lily and Rebecca went into the kitchen.

"Hey, Ashley?" Dianna asked me.

I looked at her; "yes dear?"

"Is it ok if I stay here tonight? I really don't feel like being around Rachel and Cory's lovefest when I don't have anyone myself."

"Of course. And if you want, we can help you find someone."

She smiled quietly; "I'd like that."

"Ok, we'll start tomorrow. We need more guys in the club, anyway."

"Thank you."

"Mmhmm."

She stood up, looking around; "is there somewhere I could...um, stay?"

"Yeah you can either stay with Lily or in the room right next to hers."

"Ok. Do you have robes and such?"

"Yeah, they're in my room, which is upstairs. The body washes are in the bathroom down here. Evan, would you...?" I asked, looking at him.

"Show her?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah sure."

He and Lily left the room.

"Can I?" Serena asked me, looking at me.

"Stay here tonight?

She nodded; "yeah."

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you know where everything is?"

"No..."

She stood up and followed Evan and Dianna. That left only Puck and myself.

At that moment Dad entered the room.

"Hey," I said, looking up.

"Hey honey. Hey..." he looked at Puck, who stood up.

"Puck."

I stood up as well; "Dad, this is my friend from school, Puck."

"Hi, nice to meet you Mr..." Puck said, shaking Dad's hand.

"Jesse, call me Jesse. It's nice to meet you as well."

"Ok."

Puck and I sat back down.

"I just came down for some coffee."

"Couldn't sleep?" I guessed.

"Yeah. It's weird, not having Anna here."

"I know."

"Hannah, Alexa or Marie back yet?"

"No. Hannah's over at Eric's, Alexa's at Tom's and Marie's...downtown."

Dad sighed, annoyed.

"She's trying to quit, Dad. At least during the day. She actually came to school today."

"Oh."

"Rebecca and Lily are in the kitchen making tea."

"Oh Lily's here?"

"Yeah."

"I'd love to see her."

He went into the kitchen.

"She's very sweet," Puck told me.

"Yeah she is."

"I can see why you 2 are friends."

"Yeah and we've been for years."

He nodded; "Mmm."

"Yeah I'll talk to some of the guys on the football team," he arbitrarily said.

"About?"

"Dianna. And the club."

"Ok."

"What's she lookin for?"

"Someone fairly quiet...sensitive...kinda like you."

"Ok."

Dianna, Serena and Evan came back into the room and sat next to us.

"Ok we got them all set up," Evan told me.

"Ok."

Serena put her hand behind my head and started playing with my hair. Dad came back in holding a black coffee cup.

"Oh, hi," he said, when he noticed Dianna.

She stood up and they exchanged introductions. She sat back down and Dad went back upstairs. Dianna and Serena went to their rooms, Serena told me to wake her up when I was ready to do something. Lily and Rebecca came in with the tea.

"Oh, are they...?" Lily asked, about Serena and Dianna and Serena.

"Bed," Evan answered.

"Oh ok. Do they want their tea?"

"Yeah I assume so."

"Ok.

They took the tea to Dianna and Serena.

"Ashley?" Puck asked.

"Yeah?"

"Is there somewhere I could...?"

"You wanna stay here?"

he nodded; "yeah if that's ok."

"Sure, ok."

"Alrite."

He stood up and left. Evan came in and told me he and Rebecca were going back to his place, and that they were going to say good night to everyone. They left, and Lily came back into the living room and sat down next to me.

-XXX-

It was midnight.

"Hey love," Lily said.

"Hey. Thanks for making tea for everyone."

"Oh you're welcome. I like helping."

"I've noticed."

"So what's new with you?"

"Oh, quite a bit. Marie's trying to quit prostitution...Anna now has leukemia...Mandy's still struggling...Kate's still sick...Alexa and Hannah have boyfriends..."

"Your sisters?"

I nodded; "yeah."

"How's your mom?"

"Um."

I went quiet, listening to the oddly quiet house. Everyone but us and probably Marie were asleep. The living room and kitchen and entryway lights were on. The sofa, carpet walls staircase and ceiling were white. It had been a long day. I'd done my history, math and science homework which were take-home quizzes, but hadn't read more of the book we were assigned for English. I also hadn't thought about the assignment Mr. Schue had given us hours earlier.

"Ashley?" Lily asked.

"Hm yeah?"

"Your mom?"

"Oh. Right."

"Yeah."

"She's still in the coma."

"Wow."

She was surprised.

"Yeah. The lead for Mina's best friend in Dracula went to Serena...Rachel and 2 other girls are playing the vampire girls...so I've stopped taking nighttime ballet."

Since I lost the lead.

"Wow."

Again, surprised.

"Serena and I are kindof involved..."

"Mm."

"We've got a cheerleading competition in 3 weeks...we're having an open mic night the Friday before winter break...Puck asked me to the Halloween dance...um...over winter break we're going to the city...I met Puck's mom recently..."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"I know you said you know Puck from school but where, exactly?"

"Glee club."

"Oh."

"Which is also where I know Dianna, Amber, Chris, Tina, Cory and Rachel from."


	16. Chapter 10234567

Saturday

1 a.m.

Ashley

I was lying in bed next to serena when my phone buzzed w/ a text.

"huh?" she asked half asleep.

"holdon I have to take this. Its from scarlette," I told her getting up.

Scarlette was one of my friends up in the city.

"oh ok."

Although you don't really 'take' a text the same way you 'take' a phone call.

The text was actually from puck but I didn't want serena knowing that. It read 'come to my room'.

I made my way across the room and down the hall to the room puck was staying in. I opened the door came in and closed it behind me then got into bed w/ him.

"huh what?" he asked sleepily.

"its me. Ashley," I told him.

"oh hey," he said turning over.

"hey I cant stay long. When you texted I told serena that I had to take it. It was from a friend of mine in the city. So."

"oh ok."

He climbed on top of me and kissed me. My hands reached down to his belt buckle.


	17. Chapter 102222222222

I got a text frp, the unknown number;

so you lied to your girlfriend to protect her. wwww well isn't that sweet? scarlette didn't really phone you we both know that. xoxo


	18. Chapter 1034567

3 a.m.

Ashley

At 3 a.m. that day I went back into the bed serena and I had been sleeping in, after being outside. I was outside in the event serena woke up and wondered where id gone to. I didn't want her thinking id been in the room puck was in. he and id had a quick makeout/touching session.

"mmm hi," serena said when I got back into bed.

"hey hun," I said.

"how is she?"

Serena turned around to face me.

"oh shes fine I managed to calm her down."

"ok."

She was referring to scarlette.

Serena brought her hands behind her head and kissed me. I brought my hands behind her.


	19. Chapter 108

**Saturday**

It was a few hours later. Serena and I were in the locker room of the ballet school, stretching.

"Hey honey I'm sorry about yesterday," she told me.

I breathed and learned forward over my outstretched leg; "thank you."

"My dad called Mom yesterday morning, and that didn't go well. He got fired so now she has to work more hours which means I need to get a job as well."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah."

"Did Mr. Schue tell you about the night?"

"No. What night?"

"Well the last Friday before winter break we're going to have an open mic night, with poetry readings and singing."

"Oh, cool."

"Yeah."

"When's Lily coming?" Serena asked.

"Tonight, I think. I got cheerleading then glee club. It ends at 5, her flight comes in at 9."

"Oh. You want me to come?"

"Yeah, the whole group's coming."

"Ok."

"We're also going to New York over break," a familiar female voice said.

We looked up from our spot on the carpet and saw Rachel enter, wearing pink tights and toe shoes and a black leotard, her hair in a bun.

"I didn't know you took ballet," i said.

"Well, now ya know. Great job yesterday by the way."

"Oh well thank you."

"You're welcome."

Rachel smiled, opened a locker and put her stuff in. She sat on the floor next to us and began stretching.

"So how do you know about New York?" Serena asked.

"Oh, well after Mr. Schue talked to Amber he told me about New York."

"Oh."

"My best friend's in New York. She's coming here tonight."

"Oh I'd love to meet her."

"She'd love to meet you as well. Everyone, really. She's very sweet."

"Well if she's anything like you hun..." Serena said.

I smiled.

"Hey, if you breathe and then stretch you'll get better results," Rachel advised us.

"Oh thank you."

"You're welcome. My mom went to school at Julliard. She's very talented. And so am I. I should know, I'm very talented."

Serena and I just smiled at each other.

The other girls came in and did their stretching then we all walked into the ballet stuido and lined up at the bar.

-XXX-

**7 a.m.**

I walked out into the cold morning air after ballet class at 7 that morning. I expected to see Evans jeep but what I saw instead was Pam pulling up to the sidewalk in my moms car. I was in black pants black flats and my ivory wool coat. she was in a long black wool coat.

I got into the warm car closed the door put my bag on the floor and clicked my seatbelt on. Pam locked the door. Loreena McKinnet was playing.

"Hi um what are you doing here wheres Evan?" I asked.

"Downtown."

"Oh."

"You dont mind do you?"

"No I um. Im just surprised."

"Have you had breakfast?"

"Yeah Evan took me before class."

"Oh ok. How was class?"


	20. Chapter 109

It was much later that night. Puck and I were sitting in the cold dark living room of his trailer, on the couch.

"Wow it's dark. And cold," I observed.

"Yeah we can't afford light. Or heating...actually."

"Oh."

Even our place in Brooklyn always had lighting.

"I could probably help with that," I said.

"Ashley I really don't-"

He assumed I meant sex.

"Neither do I. I _meant_ pay the bills. Marie and I are already helping pay Kate's hospital bills, so it wouldn't be much more."

"I thought she was trying to quit prostitution."

"Yeah she is. But I haven't stopped working."

"What do you do?"

"Um I, also, work 2 jobs."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Well 3, actually."

"Wow."

"I work on the weekends at the same bookstore my sister Hannah works at, as a waitress and...um...as a stripper. I was also a stripper in Brooklyn, and a model."

"Mmm I can see why."

"But I had to quit modeling after the bruises started showing. When I strip it doesn't matter so much."

"Bruises?"

"Yeah, from my dad?"

"Oh. Right. I have those too."

"Wow."

We were more alike than I thought.

"Well they've faded."

"Yeah so've mine," I said.

"But your cuts haven't."

"He didnt..."

"Yeah I know. My sister she...I know."

cut too deep and died that way, the words ran through my mind.

He pulled me against him. I noticed how thin he was.

"Wow."

"Yeah I don't get much to eat," he explained.

I started to sit up; "you want me to make you something?"

"Electricity's out."

"Oh. Well we could go back to my place and I could make you something there."

"Ashley, you really don't have to."

"Puck."

"Mm?"

"It's not always a matter of having to. Maybe...I want to."

He said nothing after that.

"When's your mom due home?" I asked.

"Only time will tell. It could be a few minutes from now or a few hours."

"Is it always like that?"

He swallowed; "yeah."

"Who's Kate and why's she in the hospital?"

"She's my second youngest sister and she has leukemia. So does Anna, who's the youngest...Mandy has an eating disorder..."

"Wow. What do your parents do?"

"My dad's - er well, my adoptive dad - "

"Mm, right."

"He's an artist, and before the car accident my adoptive mom was a psychologist."

"Oh. They married?"

"No. Mom likes Pam, her friend from school. A lot. They're in love. I'm the second oldest after Evan, my brother."

"Oh. And Hannah?"

"She's after Alexa who's after me. Alexa's with Tom who also had leukemia who...is the older brother of Jake who's dating Kate and...their aunt is going out with our dad.'

"Wow."

"Yeah I know. It may be big but it's safe, with the exception of what happened to Mom and Dad and Marie."

"Right, Marie kinda told me about that. Some guy was buggin her this morning, so I talked to him. She seems so sweet. innocent. charming...vulnerable."

I sighed in his arms; "yeah, her charm was how she got them. And as for the rest she is all those as well."

"She's beautiful."

"Yeah she is."

Behind me, Puck shifted.

"So Grease, huh?" he asked.

I nodded: "yeah."

"Its kindof fitting."

"For us?"

"Well, me, anyway."

"Yeah I can see that. You're Travolta all the way honey," I told him sarcastically.

"Yeah, well. I'm not much of a dancer though."

"Yes you are you're a great dancer."

"Football players aren't supposed to dance."

"Y'know...some football players actually _take_ dance to help them with their footing. It's nothing to be embarassed about."

"This, coming from a stripper."

"Hey man...once you strip - well, ok, maybe not _you_-"

he laughed.

"You learn not to care so much."

"I bet you're great at it."

"Yeah yeah I am. So's Lily. She's my best friend. She lives up in the city, taking care of my daughter. Lily's originally from Ireland."

He snuggled me against him.

"It's been a long day," he said, and we both fell asleep.


	21. Chapter 110

**Sunday**

It was hours later when we woke up to the sound of the trailer door opening.

"What time is it?" Puck asked.

"1."

"In the morning?"

"Yes."

He shifted and I moved to the opposite end of the couch.

"Noah?" a woman called from the back end of the trailer which wasn't very far.

"Living room," he called back.

A short, full figured woman smelling of smoke and alcohol entered the room.

"Damn the 'lectricity still out?" she asked.

"Yeah."

Puck and I stood.

"Mom, this is my friend..." he began.

"Damn I'm hungry. We got any food?"

"We do, but as I just told you, the electricity's still out which means...we can't cook anything."

"Oh."

"Anyway, as I was saying...this is my friend Ashley."

I looked at the woman's form in the dark.

"From, school. And glee club."

"You're in glee club?"

"Yeah, just like I was last year," Puck sounded annoyed.

"It's nice to meet you doll," his mom told me.

"And you too, Miss..."

"Norah call me Norah."

"Norah. Like Norah Jones. So what do you do?" I asked politely.

"I'm a waitress, a bartender and a receptionist. I'm also, shattered."

I looked at Puck; "shattered?"

"Exhausted."

"Oh."

"Well Mom we're gonna get going."

"Ok."

We went out into the cold dark morning and climbed into Puck's waiting jeep.

"So where to?" he asked.

"Oh I don't care."

"Ok to the park then."

He turned the key in the ignition and sped off.

"So your mom she's...wow."

"Its ok you can say it. I know she can be a bit rude. She's always tired."

"Um, jus so ya know."

"Yeah?"

"I got ballet in a few hours."

"Ok."


	22. Chapter 1011111111222222222

Puck

After Ashley had slept at my place we'd both gotten up at 1 so I could drive her to her place where she got ready for ballet. I drove her to the ballet school downtown then I had breakfast down then I drove to school.

* * *

It was that morning before class. The hallways were crowded with people.

"Hey, Dianna!" I called spotting her a few feet down the hall dressed in white.

She whirled around.

"cmere I need to talk to you," I told her motioning with my hand..

She approached me.

"What about?" she asked bitterly.

"liv."

"Who's liv?"

'Our daughter,' I mouthed.

"Oh um now's not really a good…."

"c'mon."

I opened the large tall heavy wooden auditorium door.

"Puck we're not supposed to be in here," she hissed.

"Well someone's uptight," I replied.

"Hey if you want to talk to me then you'll shutit."

"And when have I ever cared before?" I pointed out letting her in the big room ahead of me closing the door quietly behind us.

"Besides they're too busy looking for druggies to notice us."

The auditorium was vast, empty and quiet. She glanced around.

"Wow. So this is what it's like when it's not filled," she said.

"What you never been in here before when it's empty?" I asked.

"Um. No."

"I have, lots of times. Mostly when I've decided to ditch math."

"And how do you manage them not finding you?"

I raised my head above us in the direction of the balcony: "just fall asleep up there on the floor."

"Oh."

"Beats the hell out of math."

"Oh. So what about Olivia?"

"Well that new chick Ashley," I began.

"Uh huh."

"I think she knows something. Or knows about Olivia that is. When we first met she asked me if the baby was yours and then told me she saw a baby. Then nevermind."

"Where'd she see it?"

"I don't know."

"That it?"

"Yeah."

"Good cuz I gotta go. You comin?"

I laughed: "don't be serious."

"Ok but if you don't want an education that's your loss."

"Yes I know and thank you for that."

She left.


	23. Chapter 102222223333333

Ashley

That morning after being at puck's for a few hours he'd driven me to my place where I'd gotten ready for ballet then he'd driven me to ballet.


	24. Chapter 112

**9 a.m.**

**Ashley**

It was the next day, 9 a.m. Puck and I were in the park, I was wrapped in my 2 coats; his arms were wrapped around me. I'd already turned in the math, science and history homework. We were by trees; the day was cold and cloudy.

"How'd you sleep? I asked.

"Better, than usual. You?"

"I only slept for like, an hour."

"Wow."

"Yeah so I'm knackered."

"Yeah you seem tired."

"You're very helpful."

Sarcasm.

"It's nice to have the people."

Around.

"Well, yeah. When Kate's in the hospital it is. But its also weird. I guess I'm so used to people getting sick at random times, that..."

"Yeah I know how that is. My own sister died of that."

"You know, you don't talk much about you."

"I just...guys are supposed to be strong, ya know?"

"Yeah, but some girls like sensitive guys."

"Like you?"

"Oh, me...Serena...Lily."

"She's beautiful. She taken?"

"She's not currently looking."

"Oh. What's going on between you and Serena?"

I shifted; "not much, actually. She thinks I like you...more than I like her. I've done the girl thing."

"Well?"

"Well?"

"Do you? And who with?"

"More than you, no. And Lily."

" I mean I can see that."

"Yeah. But...it's nice to be somewhere where the whole world's not revolving around Kate."

"Mm, right."

"I love her I do, trust me. And Mandy...and Anna..."

"Right."

"It's just. Well."

"No one gets much attention but them?"

"Yeah. I know Kate feels bad about that."

"It's not her fault she has cancer."

"Yeah. I know. It scares me though. It scares all of us. Her...Amanda...scares me, Evan. Dad."

"I know. You're not made of granite babe."

"And with you, I don't have to be. Or Evan. Or Lily."

"I don't have to be with you either."

"She's a bit jealous."

"Who?" he asked.

"Serena.

"Oh."

He lied on the ground, taking me with him.

"Ashley there's a bunch of stuff I've kept buried."

I blinked, looking up at the clouds. It was warm and roomy inside the coats.

I waited. I knew sometimes it was easier for guys to talk when they didn't have to make eye contact.

"My own mom went through that, at the same time Aileen - my sister-"

I nodded; "mmhm."

"Aileen did. 'That' being leukemia. Aileen, however, died from it."

"Wow," I whispered.

"Yeah. My mom smokes, drinks. My family's not perfect Ashley."

"Why's she so, um?"

"Rude? Distant?"

I nodded; "yeah."

"She thinks that's a good tactic for not letting anyone get close to her. All the anger she's ever had she..."

his voice cracked. I reached for his hand and squeezed it.

Takes it out on you?, I thought.

"Yeah. shit I'm sorry."

"No hun don't apologise. It's ok. You got cold hands."

I took one of Puck's big hands in mine.

"Yours are warm," he told me.

Well I can afford heating, I thought.

"From stripping," he stated.

"Hm?"

"You can afford heating because you strip."

I breathed.

"You don't have to...you know."

Help with the bills.

"It's not just the heating though. It's Kate's hospital bills and...and you."

He got up, letting my head hit the ground.

"Ow," I whispered.

Standing above me he suddenly seemed very tall, even a bit intimidating.

"Ashley, I don't want you to help."

"Puck, I offered to. You're not oblig-"

"No, ok?"

"But-"

"No."

He left.


	25. Chapter 113

Ashley?" I heard a voice call.

I turned my head to either side, trying to figure out where it was coming from.

I sat up slowly, noticing I hadn't eaten in awhile. Now I knew how Mandy felt. I was a bit dizzy.

I heard heavy footsteps come towards me and immediatly tensed.

A few yards ahead of me I saw Cory. He was in jeans and a long sleeve green and white horizontally striped shirt.

"Ashley? Hey, you alrite?" he asked when he'd reached me.

In his hand he held a Subway bag.

He sat down on the ground next to me, offering me the sandwich.

"Here, thought you might be hungry."

He smiled. I opened the bag. Inside was a thing wrapped in white paper with the Subway logo on it and put it on the bag on the ground in front of me. I unwrapped it and realised it was a vegetarian sandwich.

I looked at him.

"Vegetarian?" I asked.

"I didn't know what you liked so I got you vegetarian."

"Thanks. Where's..."

"Rachel?"

I nodded, starting to eat t he sandwich; "yeah."

"Class. Why aren't you...?"

In class.

"Bathroom. I bumped into Puck in the hallway and he told me to fuk off."

"Oh."

"You must be freezing."

"No, not really...actually."

"Oh. Why you out here, anyway?

"Well..." I replied, embarassed; "he and I decided to ditch math."

"Oh, of course."

"And we got to talking and...I'd brought up that I'd offered to help him with the bills, and then he took off."

"Ashley."

"Yeah?"

"He doesn't want help."

"Yeah I know that's what he told me."

"Oh."

I ate more of my sandwich.

"Why?" I asked in between bites.

"Because, the last person who helped him...they fell in love and he, got his heart broken."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"Yeah he keeps himself pretty closed off."

"I know."

"Oh. He doesn't like being reminded of his past."

"It sounds tragic."

"Yeah. It was."

"Was it Santana?"

"Who...broke his heart?"

"Yeah."

"No, someone else."

"Oh."


	26. Chapter 114

It was lunch. Rachel, Mike, Tina, Dianna, Adam, Mandy, Jessica, Lauren, Serena, Marie, Puck, Alexa, Tom, Chris, Rose, Lily, Louisa, Eric, Pansy, Nicole, Brittany, Santana, Brian, Ben and myself were all in the choir room for the dance committee meeting.

I knew Jessica and nicole from cheerleading. Jessica had blonde hair and brown eyes. Nicole had dark hair and eyes.

"Alrite, so how do we want to decorate?" Rachel asked.

"Uh, Halloween-like," Mike answered.

"Well we know that," Tina answered.

"We could have black and orange crepe paper streamers across the ceiling and balloons," Dianna answered.

"Ok, and giant paper cats, ghosts, witches, ravens, spiders and pumpkins," Adam said.

"Someone could be the..." Mandy leaned forward and pantomimed gazing into a crystal ball.

"Fortune teller," Jessica supplied.

"Yeah."

"Someone else could read tarot cards," Lauren said.

"Cool, and we could have another person do palmistry," Serena said.

"We could have a, um," Marie began.

She put her hands up, bringing them together and pulled them apart, then down and together again. She then made her right hand arc over the space, twice.

"Ouija board?" Puck guessed.

She looked at him and smiled; "yeah, that."

"Oh, and also...fog," Alexa said.

"Cool," Tom agreed.

"And we could have like, printed out Poe writings," Chris said.

Rose looked at him, confused; "like, on the wall?"

"Yeah, I think I get what he means," Lily put in.

"You mean, we'd print out writings of his, take 'em to Kinko's, have them enlarged-" Louisa began.

At which point Puck laughed.

"What?" Eric asked, looking at him.

"Enlarged."

"Shutit," Pansy told him.

"Ok, sorry."

"Mike, you were saying?" Nicole asked.

"And then put them on the walls."

"Ok sounds good," Brittany said.

"There could be dancing ghosts, cats, witches and ravens. Like, dancing lights in the shape of them," Santana said.

"Ok," Marie agreed.

"And there would be giant fake coffins in the corners," Puck added.

"What about lighting and music?" Alexa asked.

"Dark lighting," Tom said.

"Do you think they'd let us have candles?" Chris asked.

"No, not actual ones," Rose answered.

"But maybe those battery powered ones?" Lily suggested.

"Ok cool," I replied.

"We could play horror movies," Rachel said.

"Ok, and as for music..." Mike began.

"We definately need to have Monster Mash," Tina said.

"Yeah it's a classic," Dianna said.

"Something from Nightmare Before Christmas," Adam said.

"Something ethereal yet rock-like," Mandy said.

"Emilie Autumn?" Jessica suggested.

"Yeah that'd be awesome."

"The glee club'll be performing a number from Cats and one from Wicked also," Lauren said.

"So, we could have both of those soundtracks," Serena said.

"Ok," Marie said.

"What about pop?" Puck asked.

Alexa looked at him; "Pop?"

"Not like, Beach Boys, '50's kind of stuff. I mean, popular music nowadays."

"Oh."

"Yeah that'd work," Tom concurred.

"What about food and beverages?" Chris asked.

"The fruit punch could be 'bubbling' out of black plastic cauldrons," Rose said.

"Bubbling?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, someone could be underneath the tablecloths and be blowing bubbles through a straw."

"Oh."

Rachel, Mike, Tina, Dianna, Adam, Mandy, Jessica, Lauren, Serena, Marie, Puck, Alexa, Tom, Chris, Rose, Lily, Ashley, Louisa, Eric, Pansy, Nicole, Brittany, Santana, Brian, Ben, Oliver, Paul

"The food?" I asked.

"Sweets, strawberries, raisins, grapes and chocolate," Louisa said.

"Ok, yeah I get it," Eric said.

"Because of their colors," Pansy said.

"We could sell merchandise from the show Wicked," Nicole suggested.

"Yeah that's a great way to raise money for the club's trip," Brittany said.

"Ok, like brooms, mixed CDs, posters, the books, those little umbrella thingys," Santana said.

"Parasols," Brian supplied.

"Yeah those."

"Now who's doing what?" Ben asked.

"The club's taking care of the sweets," Oliver answered.

"I'll bring the strawberries, raisins and grapes," Paul added.

"Ok I'll bring the punch," Rachel put in.

"I'll take care of the music," Mike said.

"I'll get the lighting," Tina said.

"And the rest of us will shop for the decorations after club rehearsal tonight," Adam said.

"Ok sounds good," Mandy said.

"You're free to go," Jessica said.

We left.


	27. Chapter 115

**Evan**

Over the past few days id been to the parents, driven Hannah and eric clubbing, driven Ashley to work, gone back to the parents, gone back to my place, come back to the parents, gone back to my place and now I was at the hospital.

It was later that day and we were all gathered in Kate's hospital room. Dad, Ashley, alexa, Anna, the twins, Kate, rose, lily, myself and Rebecca. Since Kate couldn't go out we decided to all come to her. And what better more appropriate place to make a big announcement than a hospital?

The door was closed. Kate was in her hospital bed, Anna, the twins and Ashley on the sides, alexa and rose in 2 chairs. Lily, dad, myself and Rebecca were standing.

Rebecca and I made our way to the front of the room I let her go ahead of me.

"Ok," I said smiling at my family.

They looked at us expectantly.

"Yes?" Kate asked.

"We have an announcement to make. Go ahead hun," I said looking at my girlfriend who was beaming.

"We're pregnant!" she cried.

I'd never seen her so happy.

"Well. Actually. I'm pregnant. Evan's not…."

A few of my family members laughed then exploded.

"awww congratulations," Ashley said.

"omygod!" alexa said.

"That is so great," Anna said.

"I love kids," Mandy said.

"yayyy another family member," Louisa said.

"Girl or boy do you know yet?" Kate asked.

Rebecca looked at her and smiled: "no we don't."

"But it doesn't matter you know what they say," rose said.

Lily looked at her: "yeah it doesn't matter if you're black or white if you're a boy if you're a girl."

"righton."

"We have to have a baby shower for you 2," said dad, who hadn't spoken.

"We get to buy you things yayyy! Oh it's so exciting," Ashley said.

"Actually your mom and I still have Evan's crib."

I looked at him: "dad!"

Rebecca looked at him, smiled: "that would be perfect Mr.…."

"Call me Jesse, dear."

"Yeah let us know if you need any help at all we'll be glad to do it," alexa said.

"mmm, thank you dear, so much," Rebecca said.

"Rebecca you're going to make a wonderful mother," Anna said.

"Thank you."

"And Evan will make a great father," Mandy told me.

"Thanks."

"oooh can we invite our friends?" Louisa asked.

"Well, actually…..if they let Kate out of the hospital we'll have it at your place," Rebecca said.

"Ok I'll talk to Alice about it," dad said.


	28. Chapter 104567

Evan

Rebecca and I were at my place.

"im so glad they know," she said.

"I know me too," I said.

"ya know what this calls for?"

"no what? Well not yet."

"celebratory sex."

She climbed on top of me.

"good. I don't want to squish you or the baby," I told her, "condoms?"

"do we really need them? I mean im already pregnant and im pretty sure you cant get pregnant twice at the same time."

"right good point. And thatd be weird."

"yeah really weird."

We began kissing all the while undressing.

"I cant…it wont…." she said.

"what seems to be the problem?" I asked.

"um. God. Ok how do I put this delicately?" she wondered.

She was such a lady.

"just put it."

"we. don't really fit together," she told me, "um. Physically."

"ok lower yourself," I said.

She did and we tried again.

"oh. Ow," she gasped.

"what am I hurting you?" I asked.

"well if you were it wouldn't be in a bad way. No I just. Um. Its my hips."

that's right. Other than her stomach which was big Rebecca was thin.

"uh ok heres an idea. You, stay there right where you are," I began, "and ill go. Up."

"and I don't have to do a thing?" she asked.

"that's right. Itll make it easier on your hips."

If she didn't move her hips wouldn't hurt.


	29. Chapter 116

**Pam**

When I got to the big white hospital I pulled out my small black cell phone and dialed Bobby's number. He was a friend of myself and Karen's who we'd known throughout most of our lives and had recently met up w/ us at our 25th high school reunion.

"Hello?" his daughter's voice asked.

"Hi, this is Pamela. Is your dad there?" I asked in between sniffles.

"Yeah hold on," she said; "Dad, phone!"

"Hello?" a male voice asked.

"Bobby?" I said.

"Pamela? Are you ok? What's wrong?" he asked.

"Can you come to the hospital?"

"Which one?"

"St. Luke's. Karen's been in a car accident."

-XXX-

Bobby and I were at the waiting room of the hospital when a dark haired woman dressed in white rushed into the room. She came over to me and we hugged.

"Oh honey," she said.

Bobby stood there awkwardly.

We let go.

"This is my sister Leela," I told Bobby.

"Hey, I'm Robert," he introduced.

They shook hands.

"Didn't you 2 go to the same high school?" Leela asked.

Bobby nodded: "yeah."

"What happened? How is she? How are you?" my sister asked me as we sat in the chairs.

"Pretty upset. They've put her in a coma," I replied.

"Oh Pam. I'm sorry."

"They were very close," Bobby told my sister.

Above us, the waiting room lights buzzed.


	30. Chapter 101

**Louisa**

It was 4 that afternoon when Cherie came into my room.

"hey kitten," she said coming on my bed and kissing me.

"hey so guess what?" I said excitedly looking at her.

"what?" she said smiling.

"my brothers girlfriend who im not sure you've yet met is pregnant."

"wow how far along?"

"4 months."

"so…June was when she knew. And it was…."

"yes entirely her choice."

"oh ok."

"I don't know if you knew this about her but she. Um. Used to be a prostitute. And he was the last guy she…"

"fuked before she left," Cherie put together.

"yeah."

"so she's been out of it for 4 months. that's. so great. It can be really hard to get out of. Same w/ drugs."

"yeah so anyway. My family wants to have a baby shower for them. Rebecca and Evan."

"omygod! Ill help you shop for a gift."

"yes. Its very exciting."

I was still smiling. Cherie leaned back against the wall and looked at me in awe.

"what?" I asked.

"you're just so happy right now," she told me.

"well I mean….its so great that they're bringing life into this world which needs it."

"wow. that's so pretty."


	31. Chapter 30000000

**Wednesday**

**Ashley**

It was 3:40 a.m. the next day. I had an hour and 20 minutes before ballet started. I made my w ay into Serena's room. I got on top of her in the bed in the dark.

"Honey," I whispered making small circles on her back, "wake up. I'm ready to do something."

"mmm," she moaned.

"I'll give ya some sugar," I told her hoping that would tempt her.

"I want some sugar. Mm I want some cake."

"You can have some of my cake."

Her eyes flew open; "Ashley? That you?"

I laughed; "yes love."

"It's dark in here."

"Well that's because it's early morning. Cmon I wanna go somewhere and I don't drive, so."

"Now?"

She was surprised.

"Yes now. Ballet starts at 5. Now cmon let's go."

"Where do ya wanna go?"

"The park."'

She sat up.

"The park. At near, 4 in the morning? Are you crazy?"

"Uh huh crazy for you."

"And suddenly. You're patsy cline. Ok."

She sighed and got up.


	32. Chapter 40000

**8 a.m.**

* * *

**Friday**

That morning at 8 Puck and I woke to the smell of breakfast cooking downstairs. Last night, after we'd smoked and drank quite a bit and watched a few DVDs we'd all headed to our rooms; Puck slept with me, Rebecca with Evan, Hannah with Eric, Rose with Leo, Adam with Mandy and Dianna with Lily. Dad had spend the night at Jennifer's and Mark, at Pam's. I knew Mandy wouldn't be having breakfast.

"Morning," Puck said next to me, stretching.

"Hi."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Well I don't think I slept so much as passed out. It's been awhile since I've had a drink."

"Yeah you did. How are you?"

"Just, really tired."

"Alcohol does that to ya."

"Yeah I know. My sister Lily drinks, so."

"She's...?"

"No, not the redhead."

"Oh."

'Yeah you haven't met her."

"Mmm ok. I had a drink um...night before last. Things aren't so great between my mom and I."

"Oh."

"Hey I'm sorry about the other day, in the park."

"It's ok. After you left, Cory came and explained."

"Oh ok."

He stretched again.

"Mandy won't be eating," I remarked.

"She's...?"

"The one who likes Adam. She has an eating disorder."

"Oh ok. Is anyone else up?"

"Um, whoever's making breakfast downstairs."

I got up to a sitting position, as did Puck.

"Wow breakfast," he said.

I looked at him; "you don't eat breakfast?"

"Our electricity's out."

"Oh, right, so that makes it kinda hard to cook."

"Yes. Is there a bathroom somewhere where I can, um,...?"

I laughed; "yeah it's right down the hall."

"Ok."

He left the room.

I did as well, making my way down the hall, stairs, through the living room and into the kitchen where the smells were as well as Evan.

"Hey," he said when he saw me.

"Hi."

"Rebecca's in the shower," he told me.

"Oh ok, as is Puck."

"Hannah's at Eric's."

"Mmmhmm. Mandy's not eating. Again."

"Yeah. well. I figured. Rose is in the other shower."

"Oh."

"Leo, Adam, Mandy, Dianna, Lily and myself are still waiting."

"Right, as am I," I said.

Evan looked into the oven to check on the muffins, then closed the door.

"Puck's excited about having breakfast," I said.

Evan looked at me: "he doesn't usually?"

"No, their electricity's out. It's been out for awhile."

"Oh."

"We need more bathrooms here, for when we have friends over."

"Yeah, and more bedrooms."

"Hey what's for breakfast?" Leo asked, coming into the kitchen.

Evan looked at him; "waffles, muffins, crepes and fruit."

"Wow."

"Rebecca made the crepes. Fruit's in the fridge."

"Ok. Well. I'll wait."

He pulled out a chair from the round table and sat.

"Dianna's showering," he informed us.

"Ok. What are your plans for the day?"

"We have rehearsal all day."

"Oh ok. You need me to take you?"

"No that's ok."

"Ok."

At that moment Rebecca came into the kitchen dressed in a long, light blue fleece robe. She went over to Evan and they kissed.

"Morning love," she said.

"Morning," he returned.

"Your turn."

"Ok I'll be back in a few."

He left.

"Thanks for having us Ashley," Leo told me.

"Oh, you're welcome. Thanks for the crepes Rebecca," I told her.

"You're welcome dear."

"That's the one thing Marie can make."

"She's...?"

"Parisian."

"Right that's right. We've met, actually."

"I miss her crepes. I miss...you know."

"How it used to be."

"Mmmhmm."

"How are the muffins doing?" Dianna asked, coming into the kitchen.

She was wearing a long, quilted, light green robe.

She put on the light blue oven mitts and opened the white oven door, taking the metal muffin tray out and putting it on one of the wire drying racks that was on the counter, then did the same with the other muffin tray.

"Lily's showering," she told me, opening another bag of muffin mix and pouring it into a bowl.

"Ok. Rebecca made crepes."

"Oh wow."

Lily came into the kitchen, wearing a long yellow robe.

"Hey do we need help with anything?" she asked.

"Um, yeah the waffles."

"Ok."

She went to the counter and lifted the lid of the white round waffle iron.

"Looks about ready," she said.

Rebecca flipped the coffeemaker on and went to make another batch of muffins.

Leo got the fruit out of the fridge and set it on the counter.

Rose and Evan walked into the kitchen. Rose was wearing a long green robe. She reached above the cabinets and got the cups down, then went over and put the crepes Rebecca had made on plates.

"What time do you need to be at rehearsal?" Evan asked me.

"Between 9 and 10," I said.

"Oh."

It was 8:20.

"Has Dad talked to Mr. Schue yet, about the winter break trip?" I asked.

"Yeah," Evan told me.

"Ok."

"It might snow," Leo said.

"Yeah looks that way," Rebecca agreed.

"They said it would," Dianna said.

"Oh it's already starting," Lily said.

"Should I call?" Evan asked.

"Hm?"

"And tell him you might be late?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Ok."

Evan left the kitchen.

"I'll bring the muffins by later," Rebecca told me.

"Ok."

10 minutes later Puck came into the kitchen.

"Hey, sorry it took so long. I showered for like, ever, and then fell asleep in your wicked comfy bed and then realised we had somewhere to go and...yeah anyway here I am," he said.

"Wow morning person much?" Leo asked.

"No I'm not usually, actually. It's just...idinno it's different, being here. I don't have to worry about being hit."

"Oh."

I went over to Puck and hugged him. He smelled like a mixture of Dove body wash and cologne. He was the only one of us that was dressed.

"It's ok honey you're here. And no you don't have to worry because we," I inidicated the people standing in the kitchen; "would never do that."

He hugged me.

"Mmm you smell good," I told him.

"Thank you so do you."

"You're welcome and thanks."

"Mmhm."

"So what are we having?" he asked.

"Well...crepes, waffles, muffins and apparently fruit," Dianna said.

"Wow I'll start with a crepe. I'm so hungry. This is a great house. Can I do anything?"

Lily and I laughed.

"What you can do love, is sit," she told him.

He pulled out a kitchen chair and did just that.

"Ashley!" Evan called from upstairs.

Oh, crap.

"Dianna will you take care of everything here? Rebecca, Lily and I need to do something upstairs," I said.

Dianna nodded; "yeah ok."

"Thank you."

Rebecca, Lily and I went upstairs, leaving Puck, Leo and Dianna in the kitchen.

* * *

-XXX-

When we got to Mandy's room, she was on her white bed in between Adam and Evan, dressed in her robe with her big white comforter around her, crying. The room was very warm.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Close the door," Evan said, looking at us.

Rebecca closed the door while Lily and I sat on the bed. Rebecca joined us.

"I...I...the bathroom, it..." Mandy began.

"Breathe sweethart," Rebecca told her.

"I'll go get her some water," Adam said.

Mandy turned to him; "no."

"I'll go," Lily volunteered.

'Did you notify Schue?' I mouthed to Evan.

That we'd be late.

He nodded.

'Yeah,' he mouthed back.

"She doesn't like mirrors," Evan informed us.

"She hasn't for quite some time, from my gatherings," Rebecca said.

"Yeah, when she was going to take her shower, she caught sight of herself and..." Adam said.

"Oh. Wow."

We all felt the impact, the weight of those words.

'How's breakfast going?' Evan mouthed.

'Good,' I mouthed back.

Lily returned with a small paper cup of water.

"Here you go love," she told Mandy.

Mandy took it and sipped it slowly.

I handed her the tissues.

"I have to go to my room for a bit," I said.

I stood up and hugged my bony, thin sister.

"Come to rehearsal honey. It'll help," I whispered.

She nodded.

I went down the hall to my room, where I closed but didn't lock, the door and sat on my bed, letting the faint scent of Puck surround me.


	33. Chapter 5000000

I was in my room getting dressed for the day when a knock came on my door.

"Yeah?" I asked, pulling my black sweater over my head.

"Ashley?"

It was Puck.

I returned to sitting on my bed.

"Yeah, come in."

He came in, closing the door behind him. He took the box of tissues off my dresser and joined me on the bed.

"Hey, you ok?" he asked.

"At the risk of asking a rhetorical question."

"Sorry, I just...I couldn't think of what else to ask."

"Oh. Whatever happened to breakfast?"

"I...thought you might need to talk."

"Oh."

"Does Schue know we'll be late?"

I nodded; "yeah, Evan's notified him."

"Ok."

It was quiet, in the room.

"So what happened?" Puck asked, leaning back against my pillows and putting his right arm across the top.

"Well apparently, when Mandy was going to take her shower, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and I guess it shocked her to see how much weight she'd lost."

"Well..."

"What?" I asked defensively, turning and looking at him.

"She is very thin."

"Yeah, and?"

"Ashley, calm down hun."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

He pulled me back against the pillows.

"She comin to rehersal?" he asked.

I nodded; "yeah."

I breathed, listening to the silence and smelling his scent.

"You're not made of granite," he repeated.

"I have to be."

"Why?"

"Because...to...in..."

"Take your time."

I breathed.

"In order to hold everyone up. It's either me or Evan."

"Well, you don't have to hold up me, if that helps."

"Yeah, I guess. Kinda."

"I don't want her to end up like Anna," he told me.

"Anna?"

"My, sister who died from an..."

"My, sister who died from an..."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Yeah, just like Karen Carpenter."

"It scares the hell out of me because what if one day...she does?"

He said nothing just pushed the sleeve of his gray sweater up, revealing a purple bruise on his dark arm.

"I...wow. Is that, leukemia?" I asked.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Oh, sorry. But with both Kate and Anna having it, and them both having bruises like that, I just automatically..."

"Oh. No. The other night, my mom and I got into a fight and she..."

"Oh. Does it hurt?"

"No not as much."

I wondered if he meant the physical or emotional pain.

"Both," he answered.

That was as far as he went.


	34. Chapter 600000000

**10 a.m.**

as 10 that morning when Dianna, Mandy, Adam, Leo, Puck and I walked into the auditorium. Tina, Mike, Chris, Amber, Rachel, Cory, Brian, Brittany and Santana were sitting on the large wood stage. Mr. Schue wasn't in the room. Chris, Amber, Rachel and Cory were eating muffins. They looked up when we came in.

"Where the hell have you been you're an hour late?" Amber called.

"This is not good theater etiquette."

"Amber, Rachel, not a good time," Puck said, annoyed.

"You were supposed to-" Cory began.

"Cory!"

With that, he was silenced.

The only other time I'd seen Puck like this was that day in the park. I let him find a seat by himself. His anger scared me, as did anyone's.

"Where's Mr. Schue?" Dianna asked.

"Not here," Tina replied.

"Well yeah we know that."

"He went for a drive," Mike informedus.

"Oh."

"I need to talk to him," Mandysaid.

"Well I'm afraid you'll have to wait," Chris said.

"What'd we miss?" Adam asked.

"We just did the Grease number a bunch of times, nothing new," Brian said.

"Oh."

Mandy and Adam went for a walk.

"You're not usually late," Brittany said, as Dianna, Leo and I approached the stage.

"I know," Leo said.

"So?" Santana demanded.

"Personal," I replied.

"Oh. Ok.

* * *

-XXX-

It was 11 a.m. when Mr. Schue finally walked into the auditorium. We were sitting talking on the stage, talking. He came in with a stack of white paper. He sat down in a uncomfortable wooden seat in the first row.

"Ok everyone before we begin I have some announcements to make," he told us.

We looked at him, waited.

"First, since we're startiing 2 hours late, we'll be ending 2 hours later, at 7. Secondly, the song we're doing from Cats is Jellicle Songs. Dianna and Adam will get the solos. The solo from Wicked is One Short Day. Here, is the sheet music for each."

He got on the stage and passed out a copy of the sheet music to each of us.

"Tomorrow we're going to start rehersaing for the winter show, since I think we have the Grease number down. We're also going to be rehearsing the 2 numbers for the dance. After break we're going to start rehersal for the Valentine's Day show as well as for the St. Patrick's Day show."

"Mr. Schue?" Dianna asked.

"Yes Dianna?"

"We were thinking we could have a '20's themed show."

"Ok what about the music for that?"

"DeLovely."

"Ok."

"And, a '40's themed one, with Sinatra music," Mandy said.

"And a '60's one," Adam put in.

"Lots of Beatles songs," Leo said.

"These would be in the spring," Puck told us.

"Ok, I can get the sheet music for everything but the '20's one," Mr. Schue said.

"I'll do that," I said.

"Ok good. How's the bake sale coming along?"

"Good," Tina said.

"We've baked Halloween, Christmas and Hannukah cookies," Mike said.

"And brownies and muffins," Chris added.

"Ok good."

"And brownies and muffins," Chris added.

"Ok good."

"The muffins aren't themed," Amber told him.

"That's ok."

"My mom said shed take some to work with her," Brian put in.

"Ok."

"So did my dad," Brittany told us.

"And my parents," Santana said.

"My dads said they would," Rachel said.

"And mine," Cory said.

"Ours too," I put in, referring to Mandy and myself.

"What about music for the gay pride show?" Rachel asked.

"That, I haven't decided on yet."

"Oh."

"The dance commitee said they'd sell Wicked merchandise," Cory said.

"Ok."

"Rebecca said she'd bring some muffins by," Brittany said.

"Who's Rebecca?"

"Um..." Santana said.

"Ashley's brother's girlfriend. She baked a lot, this morning and was still baking when we left," Dianna informed him.

"Oh, ok."

"What about the New York trip?" Adam asked.

"I've booked the rooms, and tickets for the shows."

"Ok."

"I want everyone to change into their costumes for the Grease number, we'll rehearse it a few times, then we'll go over the numbers for the dance. There's a dressing room in the hallway behind the stage."

"Mr. Schue?" Mandy said.

"Yes Amanda?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Ok."


	35. Chapter 700000000

We were sitting on the stage in the auditorium, discussing the Valentine's Day show.

"I think we should wear red and pink," Mike said.

"Ok," Mr. Schue said, writing this down.

"Songs?" I asked.

"Hm..." Diana returned.

"How 'bout...?" Rachel began.

"L-o-v-e?" Adam questioned.

"Nat King Cole?" Brian inquired.

Adam nodded.

"Ok and...Someday, from West Side Story," Amber put in.

"And Tonight," Chris said.

"I'm Yours, by Jason Mraz," Brittany said.

"Somebody To Love," Santana said.

* * *

-XXX-

It was 1 p.m. when we started choreography for the Cats number.

We sat down in the first row of seats in the auditorium while Rachel taught us the choreography.

She curled her fingers and crossed her right leg over her left. Knees bent, head turned to the right with her right arm across her chest. She moved her arms and body to the left, then crossed her right leg over her left and bent down. She curled her body upward and brought her fingers up by her face. She turned her palms towards the ceiling pushed them up and threw them down with her fingers spread. She moved them to the left, turned her head to the right and stepped on to her left foot with her right one on her left knee. She jumped, landing in a lunge with her right leg forward. She slid her hands along her thigh, her right one over her left. She made her fingers into the 'Ok' sign and put them by the left side of her face.

"Ok you guys try it," she told us when she was done.

We stepped on the stage and tried.

"I can't quite get the jump," Tina said.

"I'll help you," Leo said.

They went to a corner of the stage and practiced.

"Dianna," Rachel said, noticing the blonde was having trouble with some of the steps.

She went over to Rachel while the rest of us practiced. As we did so we watched them.

Rachel crossed her legs 5 times, alternating, ending with her right over her left. She turned and jumped, then lept, landing with her left leg over her right. She repeated the steps.

* * *

It was 2 p.m. when we practiced cheorography for the Wicked number. We sat back down in the seats and Rachel and Diana stepped onto the stage.

They took 3 steps forward, starting with their left leg in the back and finishing with it in front. they had their arms crossed across them, palms towards their faces, fingers spread and left arm in front. they arced their right arm over their heads and brought it back. they turned on their left leg and ended with their backs facing us. they repeated this. then lept onto their right leg with their left leg out behind them. they turned again, ending facing us. they then did a series of turns and jumps.

When they were done we stepped onstage and tried it.

* * *

-XXX-

It was 3 p.m. We were sitting on the stage still dressed in our costumes for the Grease number.

"What songs do you think we should do?" Puck asked.

"We?" I asked, looking at him.

"Sorry, I meant you. And Tina. And Lily."

"Oh. I'll talk to some of the girls at the club and ask Louisa, my other sister, about asking her friends if they want to perform with us."

"I'm excited to see it."

"Yeah, of course you are. All you're about is sex."

"Well no, that's not the only thing."

"Ok. I'm choreographing."

"Music?" Tina asked.

"Hm...Feelin Good, Maybe This Time, Out Tonight,..."

"Ok."

"Mr. Schue?" I said.

"Hm?" he asked.

"We - Tina and I, and some of my other friends - we're thinking of doing a cabaret number."

"Ok."

"What about songs and costuming for the holiday show?" Dianna asked.

"Red, green and white," Rachel said.

"Ok what about the music?"

"Baby It's Cold Outside, White Christmas, I'll Be Home For Christmas, Cool Yule, River, Imagine."

"Ok."

At the back of the auditorium one of the large tall wooden doors opened. Some of the people onstage looked towards it. In walked Evan and Rebecca, holding muffin tins.

"Hi, we're in the middle of rehearsal you'll have to-" Mr. Schue started.

"It's ok, that's Ashley's brother and his girlfriend," Dianna told him.

"Oh."

He stood up and met them. They talked and then came and sat in the front seats.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey we brought muffins," Evan said.

"We noticed," Dianna said.

"How's rehearsal?" Rebecca asked.

"Um, long. We've quite a bit done though."

"Do you want to show us?"

"Yeah ok. Rachel."

She turned her dark head around; "yeah?"

"Evan and Rebecca want to see what we've got so far."

"Ok."


	36. Chapter 9000000

"Hey Rachel," I asked her.

She looked my way: "yeah?"

"When you said the stars a symbol….what did you mean?"

"The, star?" she asked obviously having forgotten.

"Yeah on the first day that we met."

"Oh that."

"Yes that."

"It's a symbol because I'm a star."

Oh.

"Oh."

Pretty basic stuff.


	37. Chapter 10000000

**5 p.m.**

It was 5 p.m. and we were sitting on the stage eating the pizza Rebecca and Evan had ordered.

"This coming Friday I'm having a show. In the park."

"By the school?" Dianna asked.

I nodded; "yeah."

"You're all invited. Some of my sisters will be performing, as well as myself. You'll get a chance to meet them."

"Oh, cool," Leo said.

"You know I'll be there," Puck said.

"Can we perform too?" Tina asked.

"Sure, if you want to."

"Ok," Mike said.

"We're doing another Grease number, which I forgot to mention," Rachel said; "we'll start choreography for it next week."

"What's the song?" I asked.

"Grease Is The Word."

* * *

-XXX-

It was 2 hours later, 7 p.m. We were pretty much finished with rehearsal. Everyone was talking onstage. Rebecca and Evan had left, Mandy and Adam were walking around. Mr. Schue and I were sitting in the seats.

"Ashley," he said from his seat at the back.

I turned and looked at him; "yeah."

"C'mere I need to talk to you."

"Ok."

I stood and went and joined him at the back.

"Yeah?" I asked, sitting.

"Well I talked to Amanda earlier," he began.

"Mandy."

"Hm?"

"She prefers, Mandy."

"Right. I told her I was worried about her eating habits."

"So's everyone else in t he family."

"She came to me and said she was upset about what'd happened before you left this morning."

"Yeah."

"So I told her she might not be able to dance in the shows."

Because of this.

"Wow. How'd she take it?"

"Not well, not well at all."

"Oh."


	38. Chapter 130000000

It was 8 p.m. Mr. Shuester had left.

"Get in a circle," Chris said.

"Why?" Brian asked.

"You'll see."

As we arranged ourselves in a circle Chris pulled a wine bottle out of his messenger bag and set it on the stage in front of us.

"Chris you didn't!" Amber cried, looking at him wide-eyed, surprised he'd brought a bottle indicating we were going to play Spin-The-Bottle.

"I did, actually," he replied.

"Well we can see that," Brittany said.

"Spin the...bottle?" Santana asked.

"Yeah."

"I am not participating in this," Rachel said.

Being a bit uptight this was the kindof thing she'd say.

Cory looked at her; "oh cmon Rachel it'll be fun."

"Ok."

"First spin goes to...Amanda."

"Mandy," she corrected him.

"Hm?" he asked, looking at her.

"Call me Mandy."

"Oh ok."

She took the bottle and spun it. Naturally, it landed on Adam. They moved toward each other and locked lips.

"Your turn," Mandy told him.

He spun it, pointing it at Dianna. They kissed, and she spun, landing on Leo, who spun, landing it on Puck.

"Is he gonna...?" Tina whispered to me, wondering if they were going to kiss.

"Idinno."

"Cmere," Puck said.

"Uh, me?" Leo asked.

"Yeah, who else? It landed on you."

"Cmon you're among a homosexual," Chris said, examining his nails.

He meant none of us would care, mind or judge them if they kissed.

Puck pulled Leo to him and kissed him, hard.

"Wow," Leo said, when they were done.

He was wide-eyed; "you're a helluva kisser."

"Well you're not my first kiss babe. With a guy."

"So you've kissed guys before?" I asked.

"Mmmhmm. Oh I guess it's my turn.'

I giggled.

Puck spun, landing on me. We kissed and I kissed Tina who landed on Mike.

"I am not kissing my brother," she exclaimed.

"I'll do it," Chris said; "After all it is my turn."

They kissed, and Chris spun, landing on Amber.

After they were done he said; "sorry doll you're not my type."

"No, Puck's more you're type," Brian asked.

"Hm...yeah I do go for those James Dean types."

"Really?" Brittany asked.

"No. I like the sensitive guys."

"Puck's very sensitive," Santana said.

"I'll bet he is."

We laughed.

By the end of the game everyone had kissed everyone, with the exception of Tina and Mike.


	39. Chapter 80000000

**9 a.m.**

* * *

**Evan**

It was 9 that night and Marie and I were upstairs in the cafe of the bookstore. Not a lot of people were in the store at this hour. The store stayed open untill 11.

She was wearing black and we were each drinking a paper cup of hot chocolate.

"So I talked to Dad," I told her.

She raised her black eyebrows; "oh?"

"Yeah. And apparently...you scared him."

"What, by being a whore?"

"Yeah. He doesn't want you getting hurt."

"I already have."

"Or killed. Or..."

"Ending up like my mom?"

Who'd been murdered when she was with a client.

I nodded.

"Yeah I know. Or, like Keisha. But."

She set the cup down on the table.

"That's how Keisha and I met. You know how much I cared about her."

"Yeah, but _you_, also know what happened," I pointed out, referring to the murders.

"Yeah. It's one of the few places I feel accepted, ya know?"

I nodded, swallowed; "yeah. I know."


	40. forgot your bag

It was 9 p.m. Evan, Rebecca, Dianna, Brian, Mandy, Adam and I were all piling into our family's big white van. Outside, it was dark, cold and still snowing. Inside, it was warm. We'd closed and locked the doors and put our seatbelts on. I looked around the van and had a sudden feeling I'd forgotten something. I was in my black hat scarf and long black wool coat. we were all dressed warmly.

"I, forgot my bag I'll be right back," I said.

"Ok but it might not be-" Dianna began.

I slid the door open, walked out into the cold night air and to the school doors. I tried to pull them open but found they were locked. I tried again.

Snow was drifting down from the sky.

My phone rang.

"Yeah?" I asked flipping it open.

"Hey," Dianna's voice said.

"Oh hi hun."

"Is it open?"

I sighed; "no."

"Oh. Anyone else in there?"

"Idinno. Alrite well, we'll wait."

"Ok."

We hung up.

I slid down the door to the steps, the cold metal handles bumping my back on the way down.

"Ow," I whispered, knowing no one could hear me because no one was there.

Just a few days ago when it wasn't snowing I'd been in this exact same spot during the day.

With the exception of the van the parking lot was empty. The lights were on. Within the last 2 minutes since I'd been out here it had grown 5 degrees colder, or at least it seemed that way.

It was very still and very pretty, even though it was wicked cold.

I felt the door try to open behind me, and stiffly stood, moving, my back turned to whoever it was.

"Hey," a voice said.

Whoever's body it'd come out of came behind me and hugged me.

"Mmm you smell good."

I realise it was Puck.

"Oh, hi."

"Hey babe you forgot your bag," he informed me.

"Yeah I know that's what I came back for."

He opened the door and led me into the auditorium.

* * *

-XXX-

It was the night I'd forgotten my bag in the auditorium.

"Hey," Puck said, opening the front door.

"Hey," I said stepping inside: "brrr it's cold."

The door closed behind us.

The school was quiet and lit.

"Wow it's really. Quiet," I observed.

"Yeah."

"Do you have a way to get home?"

"Yeah."

We went to the auditorium where Puck opened the door for me.

"Thank you," I said.

"mmmhmm."

We went in, the large door closed behind us.

The large was lit, quiet and empty other than us. As was the school.

I tried to recall where I'd left my bag. Puck, standing behind me, put his arms around my waist. With his head he moved my hair over my shoulder


	41. Chapter 15000000

**3 a.m.**

**Thursday**

It was the next morning, Thursday, 3 a.m. I'd gotten up early to drive Ashley to ballet. It'd been snowing since last night and still was. Other than the living room, where I was, the house was dark. School was closed but Ashley still had rehearsal and ballet after. After ballet I'd drive her back to our place. Then when it was time for ballet again I'd drive her and Mandy there and then to rehearsal then back here. Outside was dark and the house was quiet. Louisa's friends Pansy and Lauren had slept over.

She came quietly down the stairs and into the living room with her ballet bag. I knew for added warmth she had her leotard and tights on under her clothes. She went over to the coat closet and put her long wool black coat, hat, gloves and scarf on then turned to me.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," I said, standing; "ready to go?"

"Mmmhmm."

She nodded.

We left closing and locking the white wooden front door behind us and went into the cold dark morning.

"Brrr," I said.

She came closer to me as we walked down the 2 snow covered cement steps and to my waiting black jeep.

"Here," I said, giving her Dad's coat which was folded over my arms.

"Thank you," she said handing me her ballet bag as she put the coat on.

"Mmmhmm."

"Who the hell came up with the concept of 'brrr'?"

We laughed.

I unlocked and opened the passenger door, letting her in then went to the driver's side and climbed in. We closed and locked the doors and clicked on our seatbelts. I stuck the key in the ignition, the heat and Bob Marley filled the air as I started to drive.

"I mean it's not a real word," I pointed out.

"I know. Spanish people don't even know what it means!"

"Have you had breakfast yet?"

"No."

"Would you like some? We have time."

"Ok."

We drove to a Village Inn.


	42. Chapter 1100000

**Kate**

The mysterious raven haired blue eyed woman who'd come to visit me in the hospital a few weeks ago was vaguely familiar but I couldn't place her. That was her only visit to me. I'd been half asleep and drugged up when shed come but according to Alice the nurse I'd been rambling about my aunt Kate all day. I knew somehow that Aunt Kate, my aunt Anna, my dad and the woman were connected but didn't know how the woman was connected to the other 3. The woman said it was probably more than my sickness, exhaustion and drugs, the reasons I was rambling.


	43. Chapter 160000000

**Week 5**

* * *

**Sunday**

It was the next morning. I was in the locker room stretching. I'd already wrapped my toes, put on my tights, leoatard and toe shoes and put my long blonde hair in a bun. At school tomorrow I had a meeting with Miss Pillsbury. After glee rehearsal and ballet the girls and I were going dress shopping for the upcoming holiday dance then deciding on Halloween costumes at my place. I knew Alexa and Tom were going as Frida and Diego. It was Kate's year to take Anna out trick or treating but with them both being sick I didn't know if they'd be able to. Puck had asked me to the dance; Cory and Rachel were going together, as were Adam and Dianna and Brian and Mandy. So were Chris and Amber.

Since last spring this was my most recent pair of pointe shoes, which ran from $75 to $100 each. Those who were in the show had 3 pairs; 1 for shows, 1 for rehearsals and 1 for class. The next show we had was Nutcracker which as well as performing here we were also performing at the city at the same time the glee club would be there. In the spring we were doing A Midsummer Nights Dream. In the summer we didn't have any performances. Just classes.

* * *

-XXX-

Later that afternoon, when Evan, Alexa, Louisa, Hannah, Anna and myself had returned from the hospital, Dad gathered us in the white living room off the main one. Tom, Jake, Kate, Amanda and Rebecca were still at the hospital. Marie, Lily and Rose were already sitting on the white couches when we came in.

The way our house was set up was that you walked in the front door and into the foyer, then a few feet in front of you on the polished wooden floor was a white couch, which we referred to as the main living room. The floor led into the kitchen which had a tile floor. Behind the main living room were the large white wide stairs that led up to the upstairs. In between the end of the coat closet furthest from t he stairs and to the left of the kitchen was the linen closet. There was a coat closet under the stairs. Off to the right of the foyer was the other living room.

Evan, Dad, Anna and I were sitting on the couch that was against the raised wooden floor, Anna on Dad's lap. Alexa, Hannah, Louisa, Rose, Marie and Lily were sitting on the 2 other couches. When you came into our house the floor of the entryway was raised which meant the room off to your right was lowered, giving the room a sinking feeling and appearance.

"I'm sure you're all wondering what's going on," Dad said.

"With everyone," Evan added.

They looked at us expectantly.

"As I'm sure you all know by now, Mom's been in a car accident. She was brought to St. Luke's, the ER. A drunk driver hit her while she was on her way to work this morning. Pam's been over there since," I informed everyone.

"What you don't know, however, are several things," Dad began: "1, our friends Mark and Bobby have been called. We know Bobby from high school and I know Mark from art school. Mark will be staying with us."

Alexa nodded, following.

"Secondly, your mom's been put in a coma," Dad told us.

"Why?" Anna asked, looking up at him.

"So her brain can get better."

"She must've been hit pretty hard then," said Evan who, along with Lily and Hannah, drove.

Which is how they knew this.

Dad turned to Evan: "yeah. She was."

"Will she be ok?" Lily asked.

"I don't know honey," Dad answered.

"Dad?" Marie asked.

He looked at her: "yes?"

"What about my therapy?"

Marie was wondering what would happen to her therapy sessions.

I didn't bring up the fact that from what I knew, during their sessions, Marie didn't talk to Mom.

"I don't know sweetie."

"Oh."

"What about her other clients?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"Oh."

"What about Kate?" Hannah asked.

"She's still in the hospital. She'll be there for awhile."

"Unfortunately..." Evan began, "the transfusion didn't work. Anna, I'm sorry."

"Why?" Anna asked again.

Kate had gotten a blood transfusion from Anna.

"I don't know, it's just something that happens."

"Oh."

"She now has GVH, or graft-versus-host," my brother continued.

"Which means...?" Louisa prompted.

"Well basically, Kate's body recognized Anna's bone marrow as foreign and began attacking it."

"Oh."

"What this means for us is that she'll, once she's out of the hospital, be sicker and lose more weight. The best we can hope for is that she'll relapse."

"And because she's sicker...she'll be nauseous...which means that she'll eat less, again, and...lose more weight," Rose said.

And that we'll have more to deal with.

Evan nodded; "right."

"I've agreed to see if my blood or bone marrow can try and help Kate," Evan said.

I looked at Dad: "Do we know anyone else who might be a match?"

"I think I might have a sister who might be...but I don't know, as I've never met her."

"Oh."

"Speaking of food when's dinner?" Lily asked.

"A few hours. We're having pasta," Evan answered.

Lily, Rose, Hannah, Anna, Marie left and went upstairs. Evan, Louisa, Alexa and I started to leave.

"Guys," Dad said, not bothering to state all 4 of our names, "stay. I need to talk to you some more."


	44. Chapter 17000000

It was that night. Dianna, Rachel, Chris, Amber, Mandy, Lily, Brittany, Santana and I were in a large lit department store at the mall, dress shopping for the upcoming winter dance. We were in the prom dress section.

"What do you think of this?" Rachel asked, getting a long dark purple spaghetti-strap dress off the rack.

"Oh, that would look very pretty with your hair," Dianna told her.

"But I think this is more you," Chris said, taking down a strapless purple one.

Rachel walked over to it and got it from him.

"Yeah it would. I'll go try it on."

She walked away to the dressing rooms.

"I think I saw one that would look good on you," Mandy told Amber.

"Ok and maybe we could find something for you. What's your size?" Amber asked her.

They walked off.

"I'm going to bring this to Rachel," Chris said, taking down a dark purple strapless tube dress with a thin clear sparkle overlay on it.

"Ok," I said.

He walked off.

"What do you think of this one?" Santana asked, holding up a red ruffled tube dress.

"Let's go try it on," Brittany said.

"Ok."

They went to the dressing rooms.

Amber and Mandy also went, taking a yellow dress with straps with them.

I spotted Rose by one of the metal racks, behind all the dresses. She was in a long black wool coat and hat.

"I'm gonna go talk to Rose," I told Dianna and Lily.

"Ok."

I made my way over to Rose.

"Um hi," I said.

She started.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

"That's ok. What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Dress shopping for the upcoming holiday dance. And you?"

"i was also shop- would you like a bracelet?"

She held up a gold bracelet.

"Sure ok."

"I'm gettin kindof hungry. Do you wanna go get something to eat?"'

"Sure ok."

We passed Dianna and Lily.

"We're gonna go get something to eat," I told them.

"Ok."

We walked off.

"Excuse me miss," a male voice said, grabbing my arm.

I turned and saw a security gaurd not much older than me.

"Oh my hello," I said, turning on the Southern charm.

"I thought I saw your friend over there by the jewelry racks."

"Oh no you must be thinking of her twin."

"Oh ok."

"You know...you have very nice eyes and a big-"

I was flirting with and complimenting him at the same time in order to distract him from Rose's having taken the bracelet.

"Ashley," Rose hissed, about the sexual innuendo of my remark.

We left.


	45. Chapter 10333333333

Rose

I hadn't gotten a text from the unknown number in awhile so it surprised me when I got this one;

your sister knows. next time don't go to the mall when shes there. not if you don't want her finding out. xoxo


	46. Chapter 180000000

**Friday**

It was 1 that afternoon. I was in the front hallway of the school. Since classes were cancelled for the day due to the snow we'd decided to hold glee club rehearsal in the auditorium. I was 2 hours early. I had ballet in 7 hours. The school was very quiet and still.

From inside the auditorium I heard a woman's voice singing 'Seasons Of Love'. It stretched all the way into the hallway. It was beautiful, clear and hit all the right notes. It was even better than Rachel's. I slowly opened the large wooden door, not wanting to disturb her. I closed it behind me and sat in the back row. She went on singing, either completely unaware of my presence or too emerged in the song to notice. No one else was in the large auditorium but her and I. She was standing in the middle of the stage, in a long sleeve white dress, silver flats on her feet. Her skin was pale and her long dark hair spilled down her back. She was about my height. I gathered from the songs, which were all from the show, that she'd heard about it and wanted to audition.


	47. decided on

It was 3 p.m. and we were in the choir room on the gray carpeted bleachers. Mr. Schue was sitting in front of us. Outside, it was snowing. Itd been snowing all day.

"I've decided on the school play," he told us.

we looked at him expectanly.

"Its a musical, actually."

"What is it?" Chris asked.

"RENT."

"Ohhh."

"Thats got a great message," Puck said.

"Yes it does," Rachel said.

"Ill be holding auditions tomorrow."


	48. Chapter 2000000

**Ashley**

Puck and I were walking up the stairs of the ballet academy after rehearsal that night. He was carrying my school and ballet bags.

"So do you want me to stay or...?" he asked when we'd reached the landing.

"Um," I replied.

"Um?" he asked, looking at me surprisingly.

"Sorry I know thats not much of an answer."

"No no it's not but that's ok."

We walked down the hall and to the small locker room.

"Guy about to enter the girls locker room," he warned.

I laughed and touched his arm; "honey it's ok. At this age we're not shy."

"Yeah especially not you, being a stripper and all."

"Mmmhmm that's right."

I took my bag from him and went to my locker.

"Thank you," I told him.

As I opened my locker to put my bag in Renee came up to me in a rush.

"Ashley, we don't have a piano player," she informed me all in one breath.

"Oh. Where is he?"

"Out sick."

"Oh well um..."

"That's ok I, uh. play. piano," Puck said from his spot in the doorway.

Renee turned to him; "classical?"

"Yeah, think so."

"Ok come with me."

They left.

"He still has your bag," Rachel informed me from her spot on the floor.

"Oh."

I looked down at her; "you take ballet?"

I was surprised.

"I switched to this class. I've been taking ballet here for awhile."

"Oh."


	49. Chapter 2100000

**Puck**

**So something interesting happened today. I was at my friend's ballet school. She's the sister of Marie, who I met earlier. Apparently Rachel takes ballet there too. It's actually where I found this notebook.**

**Anyway.**

**The piano player was out sick so I played piano for the class. Some of the girls fawned over me. Seemed they were more interested in me than the class. My friend didn't and neither did Rachel.**


	50. ballads

**Saturday**

It was Saturday. We were all in the choir room waiting for Mr. Schue to come in. Everyone was talking. It had snowed yesterday and today. It was cold, white and gray outside. The leaves had fallen off the trees indicating winter. Serena was at ballet then she had work tonight and ballet tomorrow morning. The dance committee had had a meeting at lunch, discussing the Halloween dance. We'd brought in our decorations, lighting and music. We'd talked about the winter formal, then went to sell the baked goods as we did every day at lunch. Mandy decided she'd rather sell them than eat them.

Yesterday Lily had slept all day because she'd been hungover from drinking.

Mr. Schue came in, sitting in his usual blue plastic chair at the center of the room.

"I have another assignemnt," he said.

We looked at him expectently.

"I want you to sing ballads to each other. Does anyone know what a ballad is?"

"It's a male duck," Diana said.

The group laughed.

"That's a mallard Dianna," Cory told her.

"I know."

She smiled.

"A ballad's a love song," Rachel said.

"No, not neccessarily," Mandy said.

"It's a song that expresses emotion," Amber said.

"Isn't every song?" Chris asked.

"Not to state the obvious but...yes," Adam asked.

"Not, in the way other songs do," Mr. Schue said.

"Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons did a lot of pop ballads," Brian said.

"Yes, they did."

"I'll sing one with Santana," Brittany said.

"I'll sing with Ashley," Puck said.

"He won't let us do that. Remember last time?" Tina reminded the group.

I wondered how she knew this.

"Oh yeah that's right," Mike said.

"Tina's absolutely right," Mr. Schue told us.

"So who's with who?" Santana asked.

"Dianna, you're with Cory...Rachel, you're with Mandy, Amber and Adam. Chris and Brian. Brittany and Puck, Santana and Tina, Mike and Leo, and ...wow Ashley I don't have anyone for can pick someone."

"Ben," I said, looking over at him.

He was cute. Fair with deep blue eyes, shy. He smiled at me.

"Ok. I want you guys to pick a song. Now I'd like to hear what songs you've chosen for the assignment, and why. Dianna, you're up first."


	51. not just a song

**Tina**

It was Tuesday afternoon, the day of our first glee club meeting. Mr. Schue had told us that we were singing 'You're The One That I Want' from Grease. Ashley and Chris were at the piano singing when Chris left. I went after him.

When I got to the hallway he was sitting against the wall. I sat down next to him.

"Hey you ok?" I asked.

"No Tina obviously not."

"Sorry."

He sighed: "no it's not your fault. And me too."

"It's just a song."

"No it's not just a song. It's a song about a woman wanting a man."

I waited.

"Even on tv I see only straight couples. All those commercials! What, so homosexuals don't exist? No apparently not we don't. Not in the world of media anyway."'

"Oh."

I got it.

"And now Mr. Schue wants me to be straight? No."


	52. Chapter 24000000

**Sudday**

It was 5 that morning. Autumn and I were the only ones in the locker room. We were stretching on the floor.

"Hey, Ashley?" she asked.

"Hm yeah?" I returned.

"I know where your shoes are."

"Oh good where?"

"You won't like this but Serena-"

At that exact moment Serena walked in.

"You didn't," I said, looking at her.

"Didn't what?" she asked.

"Take my shoes."

"Um...no."

"But Autumn just told me..."

"And, she'd know this how?"

"Oh so you admit it."

We turned to Autumn.

"April told me. She's my sister. She's also-"

"-very good at reading people. Yeah we know we've met her," I said.

"That was when we were still together. That. Was before you met Puck."

"We're not officially together!"

"Well it sure seems like it."


	53. Chapter 25000000

**Week 6**

**Sunday**

**Autumn**

It was 1 a.m. the next day when I walked into the living room of my now dark house. It had been a long night. Someone flicked a lamp on. The room was flooded with light.

"Hi honey," my dad said.

This meant he was now awake. He had this uncanny ability to wake up when I came home.

"Hi," I returned.

"How was the party?"

"Ok. Loud, long. April in the kitchen?"

He nodded.

He stood up and followed me into the kitchen.

My sister April was sitting at the round kitchen table in a long dark purple fleece robe, with a coffee cup in her hands. She looked up when we entered.

"Hi how was the party?" she asked me.

"Ok. How was...being here?"

"Ok. And how was rehearsal? Ballet?"

"Long. Ashley and Puck came in 30 minutes late, she hungover. She and Serena had a little argument. Apparently it would appear that Serena's jealous of Puck and Ashley."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah. At ballet Ashley asked me if I'd seen her extra pair of shoes, which I hadn't. She also asked Serena, who said she hadn't seen them either. We decorated for the Halloween dance, where they had another argument."

"Serena's her ex?" Dad asked.

I nodded; "yeah."

"Oh."

"Um, Autumn," my sister said.

"Yeah?"

"I know where they are."

"Where...?"

"The shoes, are."

"Oh."

"Yeah, Serena took them because she's jealous."

"Wow."

Surprised.

"Yeah."

"So how's Mom?" I asked.

Dad breathed.

"Well Autumn, I found her wandering downtown last night. Apparently she'd run away from the facility. She was muttering about someone named Marie. Do you know a Marie?"

"Yeah actually I do. Well I know _of_ her. She's Ashley's sister, one of them."

"Oh. She had bruises on her arms, Mom."

I nodded.

"But she was too high to care."

As usual.


	54. Chapter 260000000

**Sunday**

It was 5 p.m. Rehearsal was over. Snow had fallen all day. It was dark.

"How long do you think it'll keep snowing?" Eric asked.

"Idinno," Cory said.

"It's been snowing all day," Rachel observed.

"My dad might stay the night at the office if it keeps snowing," Amber said.

Her dad was a dentist.

"They said it might snow into the weekend," Chris said.

"Oh. I have to pick my sister up from ballet," Brittany said.

"At least we're inside where it's warm," Mandy pointed out.

She was frequently cold.

"How are the roads?" Dianna asked.

"We were 15 minutes late this morning," Santana replied.

"Oh."

"I was 20," Adam said.

"What are we going to do about dinner?" Puck asked.

"Well there are the vending machines," Tina returned, meaning we could get food from them.

"Yeah but they aren't much," Mike said.

"I don't know," Eric said.

-XXXX-

It was 6 p.m. I was at the ballet school an hour early. Even though I'd lost the lead I still had to go to class. I was outside in the hallway looking through a window in one of the tall wooden doors into a classroom. I saw the same woman I'd seen in the auditorium that afternoon, dancing. No one else was in the room. Her long dark hair was in a bun. She was wearing a white leotard, tights and pointe sheos. She was a very good dancer, beautiful, graceful and fluid. She didn't lose balance when she turned which is hard not to do. Her leaps and jumps were light. Each step merged into the next. There wasn't any music on but she moved as though there was.


	55. Chapter 27000000000

**Mr. Schue**

It was lunchtime and Emma and I were eating lunch in the teachers' lunchroom, her, a peanut butter sandwich.

"So how are the kids?" she asked.

"Busy. Rehearsal's going well. Ashley and Puck came in late yesterday."

"Oh, how late?"

"30 minutes."

"Why?"

"Ashley apparently was hungover. Serena thought they might be having sex."

"Serena?"

"Ashley's ex. They were together for a very short period of time and I guess Serena blames Puck for the breakup."

"Did you tell her...?"

"Yes after rehearsal we talked. Amanda and I talked too."

"But why would she - Serena - "

I nodded.

"Why would she cling to that?"

"Idinno. But I think it's one of the few things she _has_ to cling to."

She raised her eyebrow; "oh?"

"Yeah will you talk to her?"

"Serena, or...?"

"Serena, Ashley. Amanda, who prefers Mandy."

"Right. Yes I'll talk to her. Them. I have some open slots this afternoon."

"Thanks honey."

"Mmm you're welcome."

Back in Ohio, after Emma's fiance, the football coach, had left her at the alter on their wedding day I'd come to her rescue and we'd been in love ever since


	56. Chapter 90

**Monday**

**Mandy**

It was the next day, 4 p.m. All of us, with the exception of Ashley and Puck, were in the choir room for glee club rehearsal. We were sitting on the gray carpeted bleachers waiting for Mr. Schue to arrive.

"Where's Ashley?" Rachel asked.

"Probably with Puck," Chris replied, slightly annoyed.

"I wouldn't, be, surprised," Serena, who'd joined us, put in.

"She's very sweet," Autumn, another new member, said.

"Yeah. When she wants to be."

Yes Ashley could be sweet but given shed broken up with Serena this was an instance in which she wasn't.

Mr. Schue walked in.

"Alrite let's get stated on the - where's Puck? And Ashley?" he asked, interrupting himself.

"Dinno," Cory said.

"Has anyone heard from them?"

"No," Dianna said.

"But they're probably together," Serena responded.

"Ok, well...while we wait let's get started on the Wicked number."

We stood up and gathered around the large black piano. A minute before the pianist started playing, Serena introduced herself to Mr. Schue. He'd already met Autumn as she'd talked to him earlier about being in the musical.

The pianist started playing.

When we were rehearsing the song for the second time we heard voices out in the hall.

"God I have such a headache. Could these lights _be_ any brighter?" the female one said.

"You're just hungover," the male one said.

The pianist stopped playing. Dianna and I looked at each other.

"That's Ashley and Puck," I whispered.

"Yeah no kidding," Serena said.

"Where have you been? You're 30 minutes late!" Mr. schue said.

"And with the show this close..." Rachel said, meaning we couldn't afford for anyone to be late.

We turned to the doorway where Ashley and Puck were.

"Stop yelling. We were..." Ashley said.

"Drinking. Yeah, we know," Serena said.

"Well maybe some of us _need_..."

Ashley stepped towards Serena.

"Yeah just like some of us _need_ to have sex with him!" Serena shouted.

She stepped towards Ashley.

"Hey guys guys," Mr. Schue, said stepping in between them.

"See this is why I was late!" Ashley said.

"Ashley, we need you here when it starts," Rachel told her.

"Ashley, Rachel. Stop for a minute," Mr. Schue told the pianist.

He did.

"Ok now what happened?" Mr. Schue asked.

"They were-" Serena began

Mr. schue looked at here: "I want to hear it from them."

"Oh. Ok."

He turned back to Ashley and Puck.

"What happened?"

"She's a little hungover," Puck explained.

"But I knew I had to get here," Ashley added.

Because she knew how important it was to be at each rehearsal with the show this close.

"Ok, thank you for being honest. Do you think you'll be able to rehearse?"

"No."

"Ok, you can go. But I'll need to see you after."

"Ok."

They left, and we continued.

-XXXX-

It was an hour later, 6 p.m. when we all left the choir room.

"Mandy," Mr. Schue said as I was exiting.

I turned to him; "yeah?"

"I need to see you."

"Ok."

Everyone else left the room. Mr. Schue went and sat on the piano bench. The room was quiet. Still. Outside it had grown dark.

"Sit down," he told me.

I went over and sat on the bleachers.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked.

"From?"

"The other day, when you passed out. You've been coming to rehearsal since, so I gather you must be."

"Yeah. Well that, and the show's nearing, so."

I knew I had to make each rehearsal with the show being so close.

He nodded; "right. What do you think?"

"Of?"

"The show...Rachel...Brian."

"Oh, I'm excited for it. Rachel's a little bossy but she can be nice. Her dads are so nice. Brian's great."

"Your parents aren't?"

"That's what she asked. It's just. My dad's busy."

"Oh. And your mom?"

"Um. It's personal."

"Oh Ok."

"Um, I really..." I began.

"I actually wanted to ask you something."

"Ok."

"Have you been eating?"

"That's a really personal question."

"I know. But it's just you and I here. You know that Miss Pillsbury's my fiancé."

"Yes, and I also know that she's the guidance counselor."

"That's right. Her door's always open."

"Yeah. I know."

"The reason I'm asking was because the other day Chris and Amber came to me, to discuss costuming. Yours had to be taken in quite a bit."

"Oh."


	57. one of the best

**Tuesday**

**Serena**

It was the next day, 8 p.m. I was in the lobby downstairs at the ballet school. Ballet class was over. Ashley hadn't shown up. A brunette sat down in a chair next to me, dressed in white.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi I'm Serena," I told her.

"I'm Autumn."

"You're one of the best dancers here, next to Ashley."

"Thank you. You're pretty good yourself."

"Thanks. Can I give you a lift?" I asked.

"No that's ok," she answered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Oh ok."

"She's auditioning for the musical."

"Ashley?"

"Uh huh."

"Yeah I know. She lost the lead in Dracula."

"Yeah. What, she stop coming or...?" Autumn wanted to know.

"Yeah."

"Oh. Why?"

"Well...she and I were together for a very short period of time," I said, meaning the breakup hadn't helped my concentration.

"Oh, and now she's with Puck."

"How'd you know?"

"April told me."

"Oh. Figures."

"Yeah. So which one of us do you think'll get the lead?"

"Idinno."


	58. october

**Thursday**

**Marie**

It was 9 that morning. I was downtown sitting in the big green park. The dark haired woman l'd run into last night walked toward me. She was about 40.

"Hey Marie right?" she asked.

"Yeah. October?"

"Uh huh. Mind if I sit?"

"No not at all."

She sat down next to me smelling of smoke and alcohol.

"Spent the night at the bar?" I asked.

"Yeah booth in the back. After I ran into Jim."

"Jim?"

"My husband."

"Oh."

"And you?"

"The apartment, as usual."

"Oh. Hey, I'm sorry about Keisha. And...Michelle. Y'know, I met her once."

"Thanks."

Michelle was my biological mom.

"You knew my mom?" I asked.

"You're welcome. And yeah. Met her back in Paris."

"Wow. I must've been...um, I think 9."

"Yeah you were. Some woman named Karen was visiting her."

"Wow. Karen's my adoptive mom."

"The car accident victim?"

"Uh huh."

"So, why do you do it Marie?"

"Do what?"

"You know. Whore yourself."

"I'm trying, to quit."

"Honey. I'm not judging. I'm curious."

"Oh. Same reason you do drugs. But I don't have kids."

"Yeah, I did, once. They put me away."

"They're trying to help you."

"Uh huh," she said, disbelieving.

"You ever wanna go back to them?" I asked.

"Yeah but drugs are such a big part of me."

"That it'd be weird living without them."

"Yeah."

"Yeah I get that. Like...when I have sex with a customer I don't have to think. I don't have to think about Kate's cancer...Mandy's eating disorder..."

"Marie, you're only 14. You got your whole life ahead of you. Me, on the other hand."

"40 is not that old."

"Oh. But drugs make you feel old. They...some of 'em even hollow you out."

"Like...?"

"Yes, physically."

"Oh. my god."

"Yeah well."

"Eating disorders make you feel old also, least, according to Mandy."

"Yeah, Karen had one."

"Oh."

"And, my dad scares me," I said.

Which is why I was away.

"Yeah so did Ashley's."

"Ashley?"

"I think she's your sister. And...so did Rose's."

"No I know who they are I'm just surprised you do."

"Oh. They're friends of my daughters."

"Oh."


	59. Chapter 92

**Friday**

It was that morning and my sister Ruby and I were sitting in our room on my bed, talking. Our parents were asleep. Ruby worked at the same strip club Ashley did.

"Can't sleep?" she asked.

"No."

Other than the lamp on our tall dresser the room was dark.

"Oh. You miss her."

"Yeah I do."

"I miss her too Amber. She was always so."

"Small," I supplied.

"Yeah. And broken."

"Well she was a prostitute. That shouldn't come as any surprise."

"It hasn't even been 2 months."

"No, no it hasn't."


	60. talk

**Serena**

It was that afternoon when Miss Pillsbury called me down to her office. I'd been in history class.

"Hi," she said when I came in, closing the tall door behind me.

"Hi," I returned.

"Sit down. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Um yes, actually. Kindof."

I sat down in a comfortable gray chair across from her big gray desk.

"So what is it?" she asked.

"Well, my sister has cancer."

"Mmhmm."

"So my mom, who's a nurse, is always at the hospital taking care of her and one of Ashley's sisters. My parents are divorced, so."

"Mmm, right. Would you like some tea?"

Miss Pillsbury stood up.

"No, thank you," I replied.

"Ok, well I'm going to have some."

She stuck a coffee cup in the black microwave that was perched on top of a tall file cabinet.

"What kind?" she asked.

"Of...?"

"Cancer."

"Oh. Leukemia."

"Mmm."

"So, that was sort of how Ashley and I met. One day I started talking to her. We discovered we had more of an interest than just our siblings; each other."

"Right."

The microwave beeped. Miss Pillsbury opened the door and took the tea out, then closed it. She sat back down.

"Oh and then Puck came into the picture. I think he likes her."

"Well she's very pretty."

Which is one reason anyone would like her.

"I know that's one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place. It'd be easy for me to be jealous of them if he weren't so...idinno."

"Mmm I know exactly what you mean. Well, you have 2 choices here Serena; you can either go about being jealous of them, or, even if you're jealous, you can be nice to them."

"Well that makes it a lot harder."

"Mmm I know it does. Telling them how you feel might help too."

"It's ironic; whenever we're having a problem with someone we tend to talk to everyone but them."

"I know, you're right. Speaking of Ashley would you send her down here?"

"Sure yeah."

I stood up.

"My door's always open Serena," she told me.

I left.


	61. Chapter 94

**2 p.m.**

* * *

**Miss Pillsbury**

I was sitting in my office reading Ashley's file when she walked in, dressed in black. She closed the door behind her. It was 2.

"Hi, Serena sent me in here. She said you wanted to talk," she informed me.

"Yes, sit down. Would you like some tea?" I asked her.

"Sure, ok."

She sat in the comfortable gray chair Serena had been sitting in, as I stood up to make her some tea.

"Go ahead," I told her, as I stuck the cup in the microwave which was perched on top of a tall file cabinet.

I set the time for 30 seconds.

"My sister has cancer," she told me.

"So I've heard."

"Oh."

"And before her car accident, my mom - my adoptive mom, that is -"

"Right."

"She centered her life around taking care of Kate."

"Right, how's Karen doing?"

"She's still in the hospital."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Thank you. In a way it's good."

"You don't feel so ignored?" I guessed, taking the tea out of the microwave and setting it on the white desk in front of her.

I sat back down.

"Thank you. And yes. But, since then we've all had to help."

"Mmm, and this has you feeling...?" I asked.

I knew, but I wanted to give her the opportunity to say it.

"Well, busier. I mean, I'm in the glee club, which is great, by the way. I really like Mr. Schue."

I smiled, sipping my tea; "I do too."

"Well he's your fiancee, I'm not surprised."

She sipped her tea.

"And I work as a waitress, at the bookstore on the weekends, as a stripper...I'm in school, I'm trying to help everyone..."

"Sounds like you've got a lot going on," I gathered.

"Yeah I have."

"That's really sweet of you to help Ashley."

She smiled; "thanks."

"I'm just, not sure it's the best for you. Are you the type of person who typically takes on a lot?"

"Yeah. I am. One of my best friends from New York is visiting."

"Oh, Lily?" I asked.

I'd seen the beautiful, pale redhead a few times at rehearsal.

"Yeah."

"She seems really sweet."

Ashley smiled again; "yeah she is, she's lovely. A lot like me."

"And how's that been?"

"Really nice. It's great to have someone who's a lot like me around. We haven't seen each other in ages. She's originally from Ireland."

"I hear it's beautiful."

"It is."

"And how are things otherwise?" I asked.

It was 2:20.

"Ok. Serena and I broke up, since I met Puck. I like Serena a lot but I also like Puck a lot. Idinno there's just something about him..."

"It's the danger factor."

I leaned forward, my hands cupped around my tea.

"The...? Oh, right. James Dean factor."

"Yes, that. Well, you can either talk to Will, er, I mean Mr. Schue, your dad about this, which will help. Or, you can...not. It's your choice," I told her.


	62. Chapter 95

**Ashley**

I was sitting in Miss Pillsbury's office, in a chair across from her holding a cup of tea.

"So," she said; "how was your morning?"

"Ok. I lost the lead in the ballet school's performance of Dracula."

"Oh why?"

"Because I stopped coming to rehearsal."

"Oh, well that'll do it. Why'dyou stop coming?"

"Because I was too busy with Kate."

And therefore didn't have time for rehearsal.

"Oh, so you stopped coming after Karen was in the car accident."

"Yeah seeing as I'm the woman of the house now."

"What about Pam?"

"She doesn't live there but she visits a lot."

"Oh. Are there any women besides yourself, Pam and Lily?" Miss Pillsbury asked.

"Well there's Rebecca, Evan's girlfriend. He's my brother. She's pregnant."

"Yeah I think I saw them at rehearsal that one day."

I smiled; "yeah they were the ones who brought the muffins."

"Those were good."

"I'll tell them that."

"So...if Karen hadn't been in the accident..."

Miss Pillsbury was starting to piece it together.

"You wouldn't've had had to step up."

"Yes and neither would anyone else. But I guess living with them is better than living in Brooklyn."

Miss Pillsbury picked up her cup: "oh?"


	63. look cold

**Mandy**

It was that morning and Miss Pillsbury had called me into her office. I was just sitting down when she came in.

"Hello Amanda, sorry I'm late. Mr. Schue wanted to talk to me. Would you like some tea?"

"It's Mandy. And maybe."

"You look cold. I'll make 2, and then it's here if you want it. If not that's ok."

"Ok."

She stuck a ceramic cup inside her black microwave, then set the time.

"I'm always cold," I said.

"Mmm. It's been cold lately," she returned.

"Yeah it has."

Inside, the microwave whirred.

"What kind of tea is that?" I asked.

"Peppermint. It feels like a peppermint tea kind of day. Do you ever have days like that?"

"Yeah, but tea only warms you up temporarily."

"Oh? What do you mean by that?"

"You know. People are. er. their attention is only temporarily there. When your sister's sick, or..."

"Oh. I heard."

The microwave beeped, signaling the end. Miss Pillsbury took the cup out and set it on her gray desk in front of me, then stuck another cup in the microwave and set the time.

"You said you're always cold," she mentioned.

"Yeah, but winter's the perfect time for it. You know. Everyone's bundled up, so you...fit in."

"Do you feel like you don't fit in?"

"No that's just the problem. Is I fit in too much."

"How do you mean?"

"At home Dad's attention is focused on Kate, my sister."

"Mmmhmm."

"Who Ashley's been helping also. And now Anna's sick. In the grand scheme of things I'm barely noticed here. It's why I'm always cold."

"Mmmhmm and there's nothing wrong with that."

With being cold. With wanting more.


	64. wonderful tea

**Puck**

It was an hour later. Dianna had gone to math and I was just entering Miss Pillsbury's office.

"Hey Miss P," I said, closing the door behind me.

"Hi, sit down. Would you like some tea?" she asked.

"Ok."

I sat down as she put a cup into the microwave and set the time.

"My grandmother makes wonderful tea."

"The one from Ukraine?" she asked, as the microwave whirred.

"Yeah."

"I remember you taught the art class egg decorating."

"Yeah. For the upcoming holidays."

"How is she?"

"Ok, still with it."

"Some of them fade."

The microwave beeped, signaling.

"Yeah. It's really sad," I said.

"It is," Miss Pillsbury said.

"But other people fade too...those with eating disorders, cancer, those around them. The people who fade into nothingness. They want something but, never get it so they go to someone else for that. Which, they shouldn't have to do."

She took the tea out of the microwave, and set it on the desk in front of me.

"Thank you."

"Your'e welcome. You know, you don't really strike me as a tea kind of guy. More of a coffee type."

"Well I like a good cup of tea now and then," I replied.

"Or a wonderful one."

"Yes."

"What were you saying, about fading?"

"Oh. That a lot of people fade, for various reasons."

"Right, and then?"

"That's how it is with my grandmother, my mom and I."

"Your grandmother being, the someone else."

"Yeah."


	65. Chapter 98

**Rachel**

I was downtown, writing in a notebook I'd found by the ballet school;

**A new girl's joined glee club. She's really pretty. Has an amazing voice. Almost as good as mine. Almost. But everyone knows I'm the star. I hope she doesn't take that away from me. She auditioned just as the rest of us did.**

**During rehearsal 2 of the girls in the club were hoping I didn't audition with 'Defying Gravity', which I always do. They sounded annoyed. My song was 'Don't Rain On My Parade', which I sang at sectionals. Which we won. That's how talented I am.**

**My current boyfriend defended me, telling them I was nice. He's so sweet. Kindof awkward though which makes him funny. He's not that great a dancer.**

**I complimented one of the girls, saying she was so cute as Glinda when we were in 'Wicked' together. Everyone was surprised that I'd complimented her.**


	66. Chapter 99

**Saturday**

It was Thursday. Everyone, with the exception of Mandy, who was sitting on the top row of the bleachers, and Mr. Schue, who was playing the piano, were practicing our numbers. As we turned, out of my peripherals I saw her leaning to the side a little, her right arm setting itself down on the gray carpeted bleachers. As we lept into the air Dianna called out "Mandy!". The piano playing we stopped abruply as we all looked around.

"What happened?" I asked Dianna.

"She fainted," she replied.

And then I saw it. Mandy was lying face up on the top step of the bleachers, unconscious. Cory and Brian rushed over to her.

"I'll take her to the hospital," Cory offered.

"And I'll come," Brian said.

"I'll get her some water," Puck said, leaving the room.

"Ok everyone," Mr. Schue said, standing; "you can all leave."

-XXXX-

That night I was on my MySpace, blogging;

**Mandy fainted at rehearsal today. After, Mr. Schue told us we could leave. She went to the hospital with Cory and Brian. She's at Rachel's for the night. It kindof scared us. She's fainted before, but tries very hard to not let it happen in public, due to humiliation. Mr. Schue gave us a new assignment, ballads. He paired us up. I've been paired with Ben. He's sweet, shy.**

**Mom was in a car accident and she's now in a coma. I have to take over. I'm the woman of the house now.**

**Saturday night Puck came over. He stayed the night. His mom had come home drunk, and hit him with an unplugged lamp. So he decided to come to my place. He was pretty upset about it.**

**It's not the first time she's hurt him.**


	67. Chapter 80

**Louisa**

Cherie and I were on the sofa that day me in her arms when the door opened and Evan and Mandy walked in.

Id been too depressed to go to school again which is why I wasn't there.

The door closed behind them.

"hey what are you doing here?" I asked confused as to why Mandy was home at this time of day.

Cherie and I sat up.

"get on the couch ill get you some water," Evan told Mandy a little annoyed.

He went into the kitchen.

Mandy came and sat on the couch next to us.

"I, um. I passed out at school," she told us.

"wow," I said.

"oh shit," was cheries reaction.

"yeah and im kindof still dizzy so would you mind moving?" my sister asked.

"oh no not at all."

Cherie and I stood holding each other as Mandy lied down on the couch.

"thanks," she said.

"sure," Cherie said.

"im Mandy."

"oh im Cherie Louisa's-"

"my, girlfriend. We met at school," I said.

"nice to meet you."

"yeah you too," Mandy looked at me, "did you really meet at school?"

"no but ill. Ill tell you later."

"ok."

Cherie looked at me.

"room?" she asked.

I nodded; "yeah."

We went up the stairs to my room where we closed the door and went to my bed.

-XXX-

"so what'd she pass out from?" Cherie asked me.

"well I assume it was from not eating enough. Or not eating at all, rather," I replied.

"damn."

"yeah it's the first time its happened in awhile."

"you cant make her eat."

"I know and that's what I hate. Is that we cant make her eat. Though Ashley can sure as hell try."

"just like she tried to make you go to school that day."

"doesn't she understand im depressed?"

"or maybe she doesn't want to deal."

"oh and I do?"

"no I….I know you don't," Cherie said softly.

She started playing w/ my hair.

"Mandy's sick kates sick annas sick. I however have stopped drinking. Lily. Well. hasn't."

"im sorry kitten."

"don't be its not your fault."

"yeah well it. Sucks man."

"yeah and there's no way around that."

"I know cuz sooner or later…."

"one of thems gonna. Um."

I swallowed.

"I mean we can give Kate meds to make her better but she doesn't really want to be better. Or. Here. Actually she doesn't want to be here and sick."

"yeah well I mean of course. Not. She doesn't."

"but she's too young to die."

"you're right she is and so'r you and so's Mandy. Shit man wait untill you're at least 27."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"good. But you let me know ok?"

"ok."

"cuz, whatever it is. We can talk about it," Cherie said.

"thanks same to you," I said.

"uh huh and thanks."

"sure."

"27?" I asked.

"its when Hendrix died. And Joplin and Morrison and. All of them."

"oh."

"you still cut though."

"yeah well you still use so don't bitch me out Cherie."

She sighed next to me.

"sorry. My life hasn't exactly been the greatest either," she said softly.

"no I mean, I get it."

"yeah if anyone does its you."

I ran my fingers up and down her arm.

"Louisa!" I heard Evan call.

"damnit. Room!" I called back.

A few minutes later the door opened and Evan stuck his head in.

"yeah?" I asked.

"hey I have to go, be w/ Rebecca right now but will you. Let me know if something major happens w/ Mandy?" he asked.

"yeah sure of course."

"thanks. Nice seeing you again Cherie."

"you too. I hope things go well w/ Rebecca."

He smiled; "thanks."

And left.

"you are so sweet," I told Cherie.

"I just. I care ya know?" she said.

"yeah. I do know."

"your sisters really pretty."

"thanks sos yours."

"thanks."

"I hate that I cant make you happy," Cherie said.

"oh Cherie. I get it I do. But you already do make me happy. And you're like awesome. And you actually care about people."

"only bc my mom doesn't. and maries. Well. You know."

"yeah I do."

"but I mean like, really happy. So you don't have to deal w/," she looked down at my arms, "all of that."

"yeah but. You cant protect me from everything."

"yeah you're right. You sound so wise for someone who's just 14."

I climbed on top of her wanting to look into her eyes for this. It was something id wanted to say to her for awhile. Id never felt this way about anyone before.

"what?" she asked knowing something was going on.

"I think I love you. No. I…..I do love you," I said quietly hugging her.

"I love you too kitten."

I smiled.


	68. Chapter 81

**Chris**

I was downtown writing in a notebook I'd found there;

**Something happened in rehearsal today. For our first number for our first show, we're doing a song from 'Grease', 'You're The One I want'. Of course, Mr. Schue paired each guy up with each girl. Including me. I don't like it. I don't like having to be straight when I'm not. I don't like any of those women, not that way.**

**I left rehearsal.**


	69. Chapter 82

**Ashley**

**A friend and I skipped school today and got drunk. We made it to rehearsal hungover, which we told him . He was glad we were honest and told us we didn't have to go to rehearsal. We went back to my place where we slept.**

**Serena accused us, when we got there, of having sex, which we didn't. She's jealous of us. She thinks we like each other and that I'm going to break up with her. She's really sweet, and beautiful, but I get tired of talking, thinking about cancer. And with my friend, it's not like that.**

**She's my girlfriend. She's also in the glee club.**


	70. Chapter 83

**Week 7**

**Sunday**

**Dianna**

It was early the next morning. My cousins Renee, Chloe and I were sitting in my room, discussing our history project which was to research our family histories. My parents had gone to sleep. Renee and Chloe had gotten home from their job at the strip club an hour ago. It was the same club where Ashley worked.

"Well all I know about my family is that we're French-English," I said.

"Yeah and we have a sister named Marie, some...where," Renee said.

"She a prostitute?" I asked.

"Yeah our mom's name was Michelle," Chloe answered.

"Oh."

"How'd you know?" Renee asked me.

"Because there are a lot of French prostitutes," her sister told her, turning to her.

"Oh."

Awhile ago, their mom had been murdered in Paris, which was why they'd come to live with me.

"You know...Ashley has a sister named Marie, who was adopted into their family," I said.

"And that her mother was Irish-French. Angela," Renee said.

"You don't think...? it's the same person?" Chloe asked.

"Idinno."

I heard a ding from my computer, signaling a new IM.

As I stood up to read it Chloe got a piece of paper and a pen out and put it on a dark green lap desk.

"Let's start with you," she told me.

"Ok."

I heard her write something down as I read the IM. It was from bwaygay123, Chris.

**bwaygay123; dianna u up?**

**ya i am**, I typed back.

**bwaygay123; ok well...**

**princessdi, was my screen name.**

**princessdi; what?**

**bwaygay123; i think we're related. i was in my dad's office. i think we might be cousins.**

**princessdi; im researching that too. i'll let u know as soon as i find out more**

**bwaygay123; ok**

"Omygod," I whispered, staring at the computer screen.

"What?" Renee asked from her spot on the bed.

I turned my head and looked at them.

"I think Chris and I might be cousins."

"Wow. Wait...what's your mom's last name?"

"Arragon."

"Yeah I thought so. His mom's name was Margaret right?"

"Yeah."

**Chris**, I typed.

**bwaygay123; ?**

**princessdi; your mom? was...?**

**bway; margaret coffer, but before that, margaret arragon...omg**

**princessdi; ya i know. and my mom's...**

**bwaygay123; violet. arragon.**

I turned back around.

"Yeah we are. His mom's name before she got married was Arragon."

"The same as yours, which meant that your mom and his are sisters," Chloe said, writing this down.

**princessdi; theyre sisters**

**bwaygay123; thats what ive figured out too**

**princessdi; wow**

I went and typed 'wikipedia' in the search I got there I looked up 'Aragon', discovering that it was a community in Spain.

"So that's why..." I muttered as I scanned the page.

At Whole Foods my parents always bought olive oil from Empeltre, a placein Spain.

**bwaygay123; a coffer is also a safe**

**princessdi; your moms maiden name**

**bwaygay123; ya.**

**princessdi; and?**

**bwaygay123; safes are used to keep things safe**

**princessdi; no kidding**

**bwaygay123; no, i mean...i once heard my grandmother talk about hiding a safe under the floorboards of her house back in england.**

**princessdi; but y? would anyone want to hide a safe?**

**bwaygay123; so that no one would find it**

**princessdi; no one being...?**

**bwaygay123; the nazis. she...**

**princessdi; ...hid the jews most treasured possessions during the war in the safe which...**

**bwaygay123; was how my mom got her last name but took my dad's when she married him bc back in the day thats what women did**

**princessdi; right**

**bwaygay123; wow thats pretty cool.**

**princessdi; ya it is**

"So then, how are we related to Ashley?" Renee asked me.

"Idinno I'll ask."

"Ok."

**bwaygay123; wait...**

**princessdi; ya?**

**bwaygay123; arent rachel and puck jewish? well, russian-jews.**

**princessdi; ya and i think pucks family came from the ukraine, cuz remember when he told us his grandmother had taught him ukranian egg decorating, which...**

**bwaygay123;...shed learned in the ukraine. ya. and, as we all know...**

**princessdi; during the haulocost the nazis hunted, for lack of a better term, the jews**

**bwaygay123; who my grandmother helped. omg.**

**princessdi; i know**

I sent an IM to missashleywitchbabe, Ashley's screenname.

**princessdi; u up?**

**missashley; ya y?**

**princessdi; hey does marie have any other sibs?**

**missashley; ya, 2 sisters**

**princessdi; theyre french**

**missashley; well ya. what r u drivin at here?**

**princessdi; whats her last name?**

**missashley; um...fitzroy-fournier, meaning son of the king and also, baker**

I turned back to my cousins.

"Hey what'd your mom do?" I asked.

"She was a baker," Chloe asked.

"Ok. Your last name's Fournier."

"Yeah."

"So's Marie's."

**missashley; dianna, she dropped the fitzroy-fournier when my dad adopted her**

**princessdi; oh. but thats chloe and renees last name, fournier**

**missashley; ohhhhhh. ya i get it now.**


	71. Chapter 87

**Ashley**

It was that morning and I was up early researching my last name. Turns out, the Jenkins came from Cornwall England. Which meant, along with being Irish-French I was also English. Which I already knew because Dianna had just IMed me and asked me Maries last name. Which she shared with Chloe and Renee, Dianna's sisters. And since Dianna's English...and that I had a grandmother who lived in England.

I also knew that a lot of people from Cornwall had come to Louisiana, as had the Irish. I didn't know where in England Dianna's family came from. If it was Cornwall then that would make sense.

I remember my adoptive dad Jesse telling me that when he was my age he and Karen had gone to London. A woman by the name of Emerald had told them to take care of her little girl, who was my sister Rose. She said the stars led her to them, which signified she was somewhat psychic, because only someone who was slightly odd, such as a psychic, would say something like that.

I also knew that up untill her death, Emerald often worked at carnivals as a psychic. I wondered if they knew each other.

I knew I'd gotten my psychic sense from my deceased mother Angela, who'd also often worked at carnivals as a psychic. I wondered if my mother and Emerald knew each other.

I emailed the one person I know would know, my grandmother who lived in England. Even at her age she was technologically literate. Some senior citizens aren't.


	72. Chapter 900000000000000

**Dianna**

It was later that morning, and my cousins, parents and I were having breakfast.

"Mom I think I know why you always buy that olive oil," I said.

"Because I like it," she replied.

"Well that's not the only reason."

"Oh?"

"Dianna was doing some research this morning, you know, for our history project," Renee said.

"Mmmhmm."

"And she figured out that your last name is a place in Spain, where the olive oil comes from."

"Oh, what else did you find?"

"That we're related to Ashley."

"Ashley your friend Ashley?" Dad asked.

"Yes. Charles you remember her," Mom said.

"Hm, Ashley..."

"She's thin, blonde. Really pretty."

"Um...the one with the blue eyes?"

"Yeah. She works with us," Chloe said.

"Oh Ashley. Yeah I remember her."

"Figures," Mom muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh. Ok."

He stood up, pushing his chair back.

"Anyway I have to goto work."

He took his dishes to the sink and left.

"Of course he remembered Ashley when you mentioned your work. He's probably gone down there and seen her," Mom said.

"Well she's very pretty," Renee said.

"And so's Dianna."

"A lot of guys look at her, Mom," I said.

"I know. Oh, by theway."

"Yeah?"

"Neither your dad nor I will be able to pick you up."

"I was going to take the bus anyway."

"Dianna. You know how I feel about you riding the bus after dark. Get a ride from Ashley or someone."

"Ashley doesn't drive," I reminded her.

"Fine, Evan then. Or Puck. Rachel."

"Ok. And the both of you?"

"Yes."

"Are you 2 having problems?"

"No dear it's nothing for you to worry about."

"Dianna we'll catch you at the bus stop," Chloe said, standing.

"Ok," I said.

They put their dishes in the sink and left.

"Mom. I'm old enough to know what's going on."

"Maybe I just don't feel like telling you right now."

"Oh. Ok."

"Oh by the way I talked to Aunt Sara last night. She says the baby's doing great."

-XXXX-

When I got to school that morning the hallway was crowded.

"Puck!" I called, spotting him a few feet down the hall.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning around.

"I need to talk to you."

"Can it wait? I got math."

He walked down the hall towards me. Once he reached me I noticed a bruise on his arm. I wondered whatd happened.

"I know but this is important."

"Oh. Ok."

"What happened to your arm?"

"Mom came home drunk."

"Oh."

"What is it?"

"It's Olivia."

"Olivia?" he asked.

"Our daughter? You knocked me up back in Ohio you should remember at least that."

"Hey."

He held his hands up in defense.

"Sorry," I apologised.

"Yeah me too."

"Anyway. My mom talked to Aunt Sara last night, who said Olivia's doing great."

"Wow. When will we get to see her?"

We walked down the hall and to the door which we exited out of and went down the stairs.

"Olivia, I mean. Not your mom, or your aunt. Although that's probably factored in," Puck said.

"Idinno, maybe in the spring or summer when everyone's less busy."

"Damn. How was your morning?" he asked me as we took the stairs to the basement.

"Um ok I guess. I think my parents are having problems though. When I asked my mom about it she said that she didn't feel like telling me about it right now."

"Oh. What makes you think they're having problems?"

"She told me that neither she nor Dad could pick me up."

"Oh."

We made our way through the dark hallways to a set of stairs which led up into street level.


	73. Chapter 88

**Raven**

It was a few hours later. Lacy and I were having dinner at a pizza place downtown. We were splitting a cheese tomato pizza.

"So what'd you find out?" I asked her, leaning forward and taking a bite of my slice.

"Well. Remember Mark?" she asked.

I nodded.

"He's staying with Jesse. He still has the same cell number he did in college so I called him and we got together."

"Mmm."

"Yeah, apparently Kate has leukemia."

"Yeah, that's what Marie told me, when I talked to her earlier today."

I knew, from the emails Lacy and I'd exchanged over the years, that Marie was one of Jesse's daughters. A few years back I'd decided I wanted to find my biological family. Since Lacy had kept in touch with Mark, who'd kept in touch with Jesse over time, she'd emailed me the information I needed.

"She - Marie -" I began.

Lacy nodded.

I continued: "she said she worked in the district to help pay for Kate's treatment."

"Just like I did."

"Mmmhmm. She said she had a sister from Brooklyn. I met one of them at the mall. She had red hair."

"Ashley and Rose," Lacy said.

"Both Marie and Rose thought I was a cop."

"What were they doing?"

"Marie was smoking and I think Rose was about to shoplift."

"Oh."


	74. Chapter 91

**Ashley**

It was later that day, after school and almost time for rehearsal. I was outside the choir room. From inside I heard someone playing the piano. Whoever it was was very good and the sweeping music filled the still room. It was dark haunted sensual. I recognised it as 'Music Of The Night' from 'Phantom Of The Opera'. The music went up and down. It made everything still and swept you up into the song, the story. The song ended and another one began, 'Memory' from 'Cats'. I'd always liked this one. The notes were higher, and graceful, in a way. They washed over you. It ended and Ella Fitzgerald's 'Lullaby Of Birdland' began. It was fun, lighter. I slowly turned the big cold silver knob and slowly opened the big wooden door to find Puck sitting at the piano, playing. He looked up when I entered never taking his fingers from the keys. I went and sat on the gray carpeted bleachers.

"Hey," he said, still playing.

"Hey I didn't know you played," I returned.

"Well now you do."

"How long you been playin?"

"Since I was 7. I also play guitar."

"7 wow. You're really good."

"Thanks. You know who this is?"

"Ella Fitzgerald, Lullaby Of Birdland."

"Right. You like jazz?"

"Love it."

"Good I was hoping you'd say that."

"Oh? Why?" I asked.

"Well some friends of mine are playing at a place downtown this Friday and I'm inviting you. What are you doing this Friday?"

"Um I have my show."

"Oh that's right. How long do they usually last?"

"A few hours."

"Oh. What about after?"

"Ok."

We'd go downtown after my show.

He began Heart's 'Alone'.

"What happened to your arm?" I asked.

"My mom hit me this morning when she came home drunk," he replied without hesitation.

"Oh. Why?"

"I was the nearest uh, thing."

"Oh. I've been there."

"You have?"

"Yeah, back up in Brooklyn my dad used to do the same thing."

"Oh. Your mom?"

"Dead, she's been dead for awhile."

"Oh."

"Your dad?"

"He split."

"Oh. You seem so comfortable here," I observed.

"Well I've always been comfortable around music. It's part of the reason I joined the club."

"Yeah I get that."

He started 'Maybe This Time' from 'Cabaret'.

"Hey would you like to meet Kate after?" I asked.

"After...?"

"Oh, well I got ballet after this so I was thinking then."

After ballet.

"Sure."

"Ok."


	75. Chapter 1011111222222222222

Rachel

Dianna and I were at my house making out in my room that night. Shed come home w/ me after rehearsal.

"girls, din-" my dad john said opening my door.

Dianna and I pulled apart.

"dad!" I said.

"oh Rachel. Its ok im just glad to see you have a new friend. Anyway I came up here to let you know dinners ready," he said.

Dianna looked taken aback; "im. Im allowed to stay for dinner?" she asked.

Dad looked at her; "of course honey. Why wouldn't you be? We love having you stay as long as you want. Or. Need."

"I just. Its so weird bc when I was pregnant living in my friends car and told him he wasn't the father he. Um. I couldn't live there any more. He. Kicked me out. As did my dad."

I looked at her; "well this is much better than a car."

"its much bigger too," dad put in.

"so. I mean. youre not gonna kick me out?"

"I understand why youd think that but no were not."

"cmon. Lets go have dinner," I said.

"I. that's ok im not hungry," dianna said.

"well I still want you to come down."

"ok."

We all left my room went down the stairds into the kitchen and sat down to dinner.

"what are we having?" I asked.

"inidian food," my dad aaron said.

I took some from the big pot and put it on my plate then passed it to dianna.

"dianna? Whats wrong isn't it good?" aaron asked.

"oh no its very good mr….um. Berry. Im just im not hungry."

"oh. Well ok. Well make sure to save some for leftovers if you get hungry later."

"ok."


	76. Chapter 1022222222222333333333

Rachel

That night dianna and I were lying in bed. We heard my dads talking downstairs.

"im a little worried about dianna," aaron said.

"yeah I know me too. She didn't eat dinner," john said.

"maybe she just needs time."

"she sure looked hungry."

"don't push it."

"I didn't say I was going to. And. Im not."

"ok. Or maybe shes afraid of food being taken away from her like everything else was."

"what she needs now is stability. Oh and understanding."


	77. Chapter 9222222222222

**Puck**

That night, before we went downtown and then up to the mountains, Ashley and I'd gone to the hospital to visit her sister. Well, one of them. She had 7.

Ashley stepped into Kate's hospital room ahead of me, while I hung back by the doorway. Kate was small, thin and bald.

"Hi honey," Ashley greeted her.

"Hi," Kate said.

"How are you?"

Kate coughed: "um. a little sick. You?"

"Ok. Hey there's someone I want you to meet, a friend of mine. I know him from school."

Ashley turned my direction: "Puck cmon in."

I stepped inside and went and stood by Ashley. Kate smiled.

"Hi I'm Kate," she told me.

"Hey, Puck," I introduced.

"Nice to meet you."

"You too."

"Thanks."

"Sure."


	78. Chapter 93

Ashley

It was several hours later, night. Puck and I were up in the mountains. It was dark. We were lying in the front seats of his car gazing at the sky through the moon roof. I saw trees around us.

"wow its so pretty here," I said.

"and quiet," he said.

"yeah. I know."

"its almost as if you don't want to say anything for fear of disturbing it all. The. The silence."

"yeah exactly that's exactly it."

He reached and took my hand. I moved closer to him putting my leg on top of his. I couldn't move much closer bc the box thing in between the seats was in the way.

"um. Wow. This might be a problem," I said.

"no its fine ive got it," he said.

He took me and we moved onto my seat.


	79. Chapter 9555555555555

**Jesse**

Once I arrived downtown I cruised around untill I found Marie standing outside a coffee shop. She was hard to make out because it was so dark and I couldn't see as well. I pulled up to the curb, and parked then got out.

The morning was cold. I'd brought one of Ashley's long coats for Marie. It was wool, a checked Houndstooth pattern that had once been Karen's.

"Marie, what are you doing out here?" I asked, once I'd reached her.

"What does it look like?" she asked.

"Well it looks like you're out here freezing. Don't you know how dangerous this is? You could get hurt. How long you been out here anyway?"

"Here," I thrust the coat at her, "at least put this on."

"No I don't want it."

"Ok. Will you at least take it?"

She touched it, and softened a bit.

"It's Ashley's, isn't it," she stated.

"Yeah it is. And before that it was-" my voice almost cracked.

"It's ok you don't have to be afraid. I know, Karen's."

Afraid to say its Karen's.

She was telling me I didn't have to be afraid when she was the one standing out here at 2 in the morning?

She took it and draped it over her arms.

She was thinner than I remember.

"Have you been eating?" I asked.

"When you don't have anywhere to live...and you're trying to quit your current job which means less money..."

You don't eat.

Oh.

"Whatever happened to you living at Pam's?"

"I don't want to I want to stay here. She's here."

That, I understood. She meant Keisha.

"I get that," I said softly.

"You're trying to quit?" I asked.

"Yeah, well. I've been too depressed to have sex."

"Oh. Well do you want to go back to my place?"

"No."

"Marie, I want you to go inside somewhere."

"And of course I know how dangerous this is!"

The tone of her voice startled the still cold dark morning air.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked her.

"Evan, or Rebecca. Or Ashley. With them, I mean."

"Honey Ashley has work since she missed it last night and as for Evan and Rebecca, they might be-"

"Dad."

"Yes?"

"You asked."

"Ok, fair enough. Do you want me to wait with you?"

"No."

"Ok. Marie."

"What?"

"I've been so scared you'd end up hurt, or worse, like Michelle."

"My mother."

"Yes."

"Then why didn't you just tell me that?"

"Because that's what fear does to people."

I got in my car and drove back to the house.


	80. Chapter 94444444444444

**Puck**

I was driving downtown past a coffee shop when I noticed a small figure in front. The lights in the shop had been turned off but the outside ones were still lit as were the streetlamps. I'd gone for a drive because I couldn't sleep and I wanted to be away from my mom.

I pulled up in front of the shop and parked, then got out. As I got closer I realised the figure was Marie, one of Ashley's sisters. I'd met her the day Ashley'd signed up for glee club. A few football players were bothering Marie and I told them to stop. They did, I asked Marie if she was ok, we exchanged introductions and then went off to class. But seeing her at this hour with Ashley's Houndstooth coat on her, it was clear she wasn't ok.

"Marie?" I asked quietly, as I didn't want to startle her.

She looked up from her spot in the darkness.

"Um, yes?" she returned.

"It's Puck. Remember, we met that day your sister signed up for glee club. The football players were..."

"Yes I remember. What are you doing here?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Oh."

"And you?" I inquired.

"She's here."

"Keisha?"

Marie nodded in agreement.

"Waiting for someone?"

"Yeah, Evan and Rebecca."

"Well do you want to wait in my car? It's warm."

She smiled; "ok."

We walked into my car and got in. I closed the door turned, on the heat and put on some music.

"Music always makes everything better," I said, as a sad 1930's French song filled the air.

"How'd you know?" she asked.

"Just did."

"You're like Evan that way. And Ashley."

"Evan?"

"My brother."

"Oh. You look like you could use some tea and I know just the place."

"But I'm supposed to meet Evan and- crap my phone died. Do you have any cigerettes? Or wine? And can I use-"

"Yes you can use mine. Here."

I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to her, then turned the key in the ignition and started the car.

"They're under your feet," I informed her as she waited for Evan to pick up; "and in the glove box."

"What are?"

"Cigs. And a wine bottle."

"Oh."

"Yeah, hi sorry did I wake you?...oh, sorry. Well Dad and I had a talk...well, you know, he told me he'd been scared...mmhm yeah. Anyway, I just called to let you know I'm with Puck right now. Well no I'm not with him-" in the darkness she blushed - "he's a friend of Ashley's. Big, tall guy. Really, um..."

"Marie," I said.

She put the phone to her chest; "huh?"

"I'm the one who taught the art class Ukrainian egg decorating."

"Ok."

She picked the phone back up; "he taught the art class egg decorating...yeah that's him. And we're going-"

"Family," I filled in.

"To visit his family. Will you tell Ashley and Dad if I haven't?...ok. Well sorry to wake you, but I felt you should know. Uh huh ok."

As in, will he tell her family she's out.

She flipped the phone closed, handing it back to me.

"You smoke?" I asked.

"I'm French," she replied, as though that explained everything; "well Parisian, more specifically. Everyone smokes in Paris."

"Oh."

"Your lighter is..."

"In the thing, glove box."

She opened the glove box, took the lighter out and lit up, opening the window.

"Where we goin?" she asked me.

"You'll see. You'll like it."

"Ok."

"So what all happened?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the road.

"Well, I've been down here for the past few hours. When there wasn't much business I had some coffee. One guy, college age just wanted sex."

"Don't they all?"

"Yeah but he was nice about it, and some of them aren't. He gave me coffee and brownies after, and a card for Planned Parenthood."

"Oh well that was nice of him."

"Yes it was very. And, idinno I just feel comfortable here, as weird as that sounds being that it's dark."

"No I get that actually. She's here."

"Yeah, Keisha."

"You know Amber?"

"Um no don't think I do."

"They're sisters. Well I mean they. were. Guess they still are, but."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Huh, weird."

"So how come you're so comfortable talking to me?" I asked, rounding a corner while I switched the music to one of my own songs.

"Idinno, I feel like you get it."

"Yeah I do. That's why Ashley and I are kindof. together. We had a fight though."

"Yeah exactly. And you don't judge me don't tell me what to do not do, or to get up or remind me how dangerous this all is."

"Yeah but you already know all that."

"Right. And the first day we met you rescued me, so."

"Yeah."

"Hey can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Besides that?"

"Yeah."

"Sure ask away."

"What happened to your arms?"

"Oh."

She held the cigerette in her right hand which she rested on the rolled down window letting the smoke drift into the cold morning air. With her other she lightly placed her small pale fingers on my right arm, right on a bruise.

Silence filled the car. It was amazing how quiet it was at this time of day, and a little unreal too, without any people.

"I mean...not that you have to tell me. I just always wondered."

"No it's ok."

"I mean if you don't then I'll-"

"Marie."

"Yeah?"

"It's ok."

She breathed audibly inhaling the smoke.

"My mom has a tendency to bruise me when she gets home from work."

"Oh. Why?"

"Idinno I've never asked."

"You always seemed so strong."

"I am but I'm also. bruised. not just physically."

"No I get that. Where's your dad? And what do you think would happen if you did?"

"All I know is that he's out of the picture. And I don't know. More of the same, maybe."

"Oh."

"But she's my mom, ya know? I can't just...we used to play guitar together. But that was then. And this. This is now."

"It's strange how the then and now change. My mom died when I was young. Michelle."

"Like the Beatles song."

"Yeah, exactly. And she was, a belle in every sense. Beautiful charming soft quiet. Also, a prostitute. She's the one who taught me how to. I'd stay out all night in Paris. Sometimes my mom sang at the cafes."

Her mom was the one who taught Marie how to prostitute.

"How'd she die?"

"She was killed when she was with a client."

"Wow that's terrible I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"Mmmhmm of course. My theory, is that my grandmother, who's Russian - she's the one we're going to see by the way - was very harsh with my mom, never showed any emotion. That's how the Russians are. And, my mom works 2, 3 jobs just to pay the rent."

So she's always tired.

"Wow."

"Yeah, so that's what Ashley and I fought about. She told me I could have some of her work money and I told her I didn't want that."

"Oh. Do they hurt?"

"Sometimes. Not as much though," I answered.

"My sister has bruises," Marie told me, quiet in the darkness.

"Kate?" I asked.

"Yeah, from her leukemia."

"I've met her. She's sweet."

"I'd like to visit her, if that's ok with you."

"Ok," I agreed.

"So what do I call your grandmother?"

"Just Anya. Mrs. Puckerman's much too formal. Oh and if you meet my mom call her Nora, though I don't know when you will."

"Ok."

"Are you used to..." I began.

"What?" she asked.

"Being, um. Disappointed. No, more like anxious."

"Why?"

"Well it seemed you pulled the question back before I had a chance to answer."

"Oh."

-XXX-

After I'd parked we got out of the car and walked to the front door of a house that had wonderful smells drifting from inside, tea, peppermint and cinnamon.

"She'll be awake," I informed Marie, getting my key out of my pocket and putting it in the lock; "she always knows when I'm coming."

I opened and unlocked the door and we went into my grandmother's star filled living room. I'd put up adhesive glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and added more to the rooms each time I came. Candles were burning in the windowsill and the softest of music played. My small round grandmother was sitting on her sofa with her feet tucked under her, drinking tea and reading. She looked up when I came in and smiled.

"Puck, hello! So good to see you! I knew you'd come by this morning, this hour," she told me in her thick Russian accent.

As she put her tea on the small table to the side of the couch and stood up, I put my key in the chestnut bowl by the door. Marie wandered around looking at everything in the living room. In a cabinet behind the safe delicate glass doors were Russian dolls and Ukrainian eggs on the wood shelves. Some my grandmother had made herself, some we'd made together and some she'd brought over with her from Russia.

We hugged.

"So tell me, how are things? There's tea waiting for you in the kitchen," my grandmother told me.

"As always," I said, breathing in the warmth of her world.

"Wow," Marie breathed, closely examining the cabinet; "these are beautiful."

"Come, sit," my grandmother went back over to the couch.

I sat down next to her as we let Marie adjust to the house.

"Oh is Nora still doing that to you?" my grandmother asked, noticing my bruises.

"Yes. She said it makes me stronger."

"I've heard that line before. So that's why you're here."

"Yeah."

"So what have you been up to? How's the music?"

"I'm still playing," I answered.

"You always have been and always will be. When I played my - what is his name again? He's Italian. Come fly with me?"

"Oh, Sinatra."

"Yes, him. You went wild. Oh it was such fun to watch you!"

My grandmother laughed.

"I gather you're quite the ladies man these days."

"Well..." I smiled; "there is someone, but before she joined glee club she had a girlfriend, and I think I might've broken them up."

"Oh?"

"She's. beautiful. A powerhouse, she is."

"Well, I hope things work out for you, whether as friends or more. How's the club?"

"Busy, we're going to New York over winter break."

"Oh I loved New York!"

"Oh!"

"Yes?"

We heard Marie lift the latch of the cabinet.

"Oh please don't touch that dear, it's nothing against you," my grandmother told her.

"Oh."

Marie set the latch back in its place.

"Yes?" my grandmother asked me.

"I taught the art class how to make the eggs. We're selling them to raise money for our trip."

"Wow, that's hard, as I recall."

"Are you still doing art?" I asked.

"Yes."

From the kitchen the tea kettle whistled.

"That would be the tea kettle I won't be but a moment," my grandmother stood up and went into the kitchen.

I stood up and went over to Marie, putting my arm around her. At this, she started a bit.

"Sorry," I apologised softly; "is this...?"

"Yeah it's fine," she answered; "these are beautiful."

"Thanks. I made some with my grandmother and some she made herself. And some, she brought over from Russia."

"I recognize the accent. There were a few Russians in Paris."

She turned to me; "I love this room. The stars...eggs, candles. The smells."

"That's a big part of why I keep coming back."

"I love your grandmother she's an absolute sweethart."

"I know isn't she a doll?"

"And she looks like one too."

Marie giggled.

It was true. My grandmother was short and slightly round, with long white hair. She resembled one of the Russian dolls she kept in her cabinet.

A tear glinted in Marie's eye, the color of one of my grandmother's suncatcher prisms on her window.

"What?" I asked, sensing something and squeezing Marie's small frame against me.

"It's just so...a lot of..."

"The tea's ready dear, for whenever you both are," came my grandmother from the kitchen.

"A lot of emotions huh?"

Marie nodded.

"Yeah it's so comfortable," she said quietly.

We made our way into the kitchen where 3 delicate white cups of tea were resting on the square kitchen table. Marie left my side and went over to the singular purple tulip standing in the thin glass vase. She slowly lifted the petal with her finger. Her shoulders rose up and down.

The room smelled strong and sweet.

"My mother..." Marie said quietly.

I went over to my grandmother, who was standing by the rectangular rounded white fridge.

"She's Parisian and her mother died a few years back," I explained.

"Ah," was all my grandmother said.

We opened the door and I took out a big glass container of milk and brought it over to the table, setting it next to the vase. My grandmother closed the fridge door.

"...had these," Marie finished.

"You're so, careful with them," I observed.

"Well you have to be careful with things. plants. people."

"I know. I know."

My grandmother came up behind us.

"I'm Anya," she greeted Marie.

"Marie."


	81. Chapter 96

**Monday**

When we got back that morning it was 3 a.m. When I got to my place the big white living room was lit. Dad was sitting on the white couch, drawing, a cup of coffee on the coffee table, drawings and paintings spread on the white carpet.

I hung up my coat and scarf in the white closet to the left of the big tall white front door and went into the living room. Dad looked up when I came in.

"Hi Dad," I said.

"Hi honey how was it?"

"Great. The jazz club was really mellow, then we went to a hookah bar then up to the mount-"

Dad's small black cell rang.

"Excuse me Ashley," he said, standing and holding up a finger.

"Sure," I replied.

He went into the kitchen, abandoning his art and coffee.

I sunk into the couch cushions, taking off my shoes, hat and gloves.

At that moment Lily came softly down the wide white carpeted curving stairs.

"Hey love," she greeted me.

"Oh hi," I returned.

She approached the couch.

"Do you want some tea?" she asked.

"Ok." I answered.

I stood up and followed her into the kitchen where Dad was still talking on the phone.

"Hi Lily, Ashley," he said; "um listen I have to go downtown. Ashley if I'm not back you'll start on breakfast?"

"Um actually I have work since I missed-"

"Ok great."

"But when you get back I need to talk-"

Dad left, still talking on his cell.

"to you," I finished.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, reaching and getting a cup down from the overhead wooden cabinet and setting it on the counter.

"What do you mean?" I replied.

She turned to me with her side to the counter.

"Ashley, I've known you long enough to know when something's wrong. And, I'm wicked perceptive."

"Oh. Right. So's Evan."

I laughed.

"What?"

"That sounds funny when you say it."

I tried, rather unsuccessfully, to imitate her Irish accent.

"Not, such a good imitation there love. Anyway, what is it?" she repeated, putting a tea bag into the cup and winding the white string around the handle.

"Um well, Puck and I went out."

"For a few hours I noticed."

"Yeah well."

She filled the cup with water and stuck it in the microwave then punched in the time.

"Oooh on a date?" she asked.

She twisted her long red hair into a clip and fastened it at the back of her head.

"No, not, on a date," I protested; "we just...hung out for...oh, we also went to a coffee place."

"For a few hours."

"Ok so maybe it _was_ a date. But anyway."

She poured herself a cup of tea.

"I wanted to tell Dad about it...since he asked."

"Right."

"And. I've been wanting to tell him about my history project. Actually.. To ask him, rather. But then Anna got sick."

"Mmmhmm, and he just left to go downtown."

"Right, and in about an hour I have to go to work which I missed because, well, as you know."

"Yeah. Puck taking you?"

"Yeah, then school, rehearsal. the usual."

"Mmmhmm."

The microwave beeped signaling the time. Lily took the cup out and handed it to me.

I took it from her; "thanks."

"Uh huh."

She stuck her cup in the microwave and set the time then turned to me.

"And then I have to be here in case Kate or Anna gets sick and there's rehearsal and...the project and..."

"Ashley why do you think I came? Not only to visit you but also if your dad needs help."

"Thanks. I still have rehearsal and then the project and ballet..."

"Honey maybe you should talk to him about it."

I set my cup on the counter and threw up my hands.

"Yeah Lily that's what I've been trying to do but every time I do he's interrupted."

"Oh."


	82. Chapter 97

**Evan**

When my dad got back from being downtown Rebecca and I were sitting in the big white living room. Ashley came into the living room on her way out the door.

"Hey you know Marie's downtown right?" I asked her.

She nodded; "yeah. Um I have to get to work since I missed it last night since I was out."

"Ok."

"Rebecca how are you?" Ashley asked my girlfriend.

"I've been sick lately."

"I remember that."

I hadn't known this about my sister that she'd been pregnant.

"You do?" I asked, looking up at her.

"Yeah it's...I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok."

"Can I get you anything?" Ashley asked.

"If you still have some sprite I'll take that."

"Ok but then I gotta go. Lily's here."

"Lily?"

"She's my best friend, from New York. Originally from Ireland. She's in the kitchen."

"Oh."

Rebecca smiled; "thanks."

Ashley went back into the kitchen. Rebecca leaned back against the white sofa cushions, folding her hands over her round stomach.

"You ok honey?" I asked, searching her face.

"Other than being sick and pregnant and emotional, yeah. How's Kate?"

"Hospital."

"Amanda?"

"She prefers Mandy and she's asleep. You don't have to take care of them Rebecca."

"Love, I want to."

"Ok."

I reached behind me and took 2 white pillows and put them on the square black coffee table under my girlfriend's pale feet then leaned back.

"But won't you be uncomfortable?" she asked.

"Not. that uncomfortable."

"Oh."

Ashley came back in with a plastic cup of 7Up which she handed to Rebecca who took it from her.

"Here you go hun," she said.

Rebecca smiled; "thanks."

"Uh huh."

"Actually Marie's with Puck," I informed my sister.

Her face fell; "oh."

Disappointed.

"Do you need a ride?"

"No, I'll get it from one of the other girls."

"Ok."

"Evan when Dad gets back would you tell him I need to talk to him?"

"Ok."

She left.

"Have you been to the dr?" I asked Rebecca.

"Only once."

"We need to tell my dad, since your parents aren't around."

"I know, as soon as he gets back."

Mandy came down the stairs in purple pajamas.

"Hey sweetie," I greeted her.

"Hey I can't sleep do you have a minute?" she asked.

"Sure."

I looked at my girlfriend; "are you ok here?"

"Yeah, go ahead. If I need anything I'll ask Lily."

"Ok."

I stood up and went to Mandy.

"Where do you want to talk?" I asked her.

"Ashley's room."

"Ok."

We went up the stairs down the hall and into Ashley and Marie's room.


	83. Chapter 9888888888

**Rachel**

Instead of being in class, that morning I was in the big green park across the street from the big tall red brick high school under a tree, cutting, which no one knew I did. Everyone though I was this happy, clean, motivated woman. I'm not as happy as I appear. Today didn't feel like a good morning. It was gray and gloomy, the cold washing over everyone. At breakfast my dad sensed something was wrong and asked. I told him nothing.

It was nice to be among the trees which were pure and simple. Tall and strong, stronger than anyone knew.

Just like my room, my locker and my looks, even my cuts were precise, organised. Put together. I might cut but I never lost control. It was one of the few times I could sto ptalking. I was often helping Mr. Schue with the club or the musical, bringing him my ideas. I couldn't lose control and cutting made me less anxious although worrying if anyone would see them and when made me more anxious. No one knew how much I cracked and how cutting was the only way I could breathe.

Ascold as it was, underneath the trees I felt safe. So I put the small thin metal razor back in its small black film canister and pushed up my sleeves.

"Hi," Mandy's voice said.

I started pulling my sleeves down.

"Um..."

"It's ok, my sister does it too. Louisa. I'm just surprised that you. do."

"Oh."

"I won't tell anyone. It's not like you're trying to kill yourself Rachel. I know the difference."

"Oh."

"So why aren't you in class?" she asked.

"I just. didn't feel like going."

"Oh and I, can't."

I looked up at her; "oh?"

"Yeah I'm kinda sick, can't eat much."

"Oh wow."

"And when I do eat I can't eat much which of course only makes me sicker. It's a bitch."

"Yeah I know."

"You do?"

"I tried bullimia for like, a week back in Ohio."

"Oh."


	84. Chapter 999999999

_**Mandy**_

_After I left the park I went into the school and slowly made me way up into the choir room which was empty. I lied down on one of the steps of the gray bleachers and stared at the white ceiling. It was quiet in the room, the quietest place I'd been in awhile._

_After about 20 minutes I heard the large round metal doorknob turn and click. A man's heavy footsteps came into the room. I tried to get up but found I couldn't as I was too dizzy._

_"Mandy?" a voice asked._

_I recognised it as Mr. Schue's._

_"Um."_

_I was a little embarassed by having been caught not in class._

_"Yeah?" I asked._

_"Why aren't you in class?"_

_"I. um, I can't."_

_"Why what's wrong?"_

_"I'm sick."_

_"Oh does your dad know?"_

_"My dad's busy Mr. Schue, as usual."_

_"But not too busy for you?"_

_"Yeah, actually."_

_"Oh Amanda," he sighed._

_"Yeah I know."_

_I felt tears brimming._

_"And your mom?" he asked._

_"Is in a coma."_

_"Wow I had no idea. I'm sorry. Your older siblings?"_

_"Are all busy."_

_"Oh. I can see why you came in here then. There's definately something about music."_

_"Yeah exactly. I can't do this Mr. Schue."_

_"Ok I'll notify the teachers."_

_That I wouldn't be in class._

_"Ok."_

_He left._

_When id told mr. schue I couldn't do this what id meant was going through the rest of the school day would've been too much for me._


	85. Chapter 100

**Chris**

Instead of being in class that morning I was walking across the big green park that was across the street from the big tall red brick high school. I liked the trees, the wide open space. My mother had always liked both. But she was dead now. She'd been dead for a few years. I missed her, but never showed it. I was a bit feminine, delicate but it wasn't acceptable to show emotion. I was often mistaken for conceited because of this, which put some people off. I wasn't, I was actually very sweet and caring. I suppose you could say I cared about my looks too much. I let barely anyone close tome. Amber was lucky that way. I was a lot like my mother in that way. Through the years my dad had tried to make me more masculine more like him untill he discovered this wasn't working. I think what finally clued him in was that I wanted to sing 'Defying Gravity' last year in Ohio for the glee clubs diva-off. I'd butchered a note on purpose letting Rachel win because I knew she'd been going through a bit of a hard time.

I wasn't the only one who'd lost a parent, Cory had too as had Marie and Puck. and Rachel. Well I guess they're never really lost they've just passed. Cory, his dad, Marie her mom, Puck, his dad. And Rachel, her mom.

It's hard being gay in today's world which was why I hid it so well. It was physically obvious but I never came right out and stated it. Well, I hadn't yet. By the 'hiding it' I don't mean just the being gay. But also that sometimes my pupils were as wide as Edie Sedgwick's, the doe eyes. Teacup eyes I called them because you could drown in them and all they held. Sometimes my throat would be dry, I'd be sleepier than usual. I pulled on the edges of my long sleeves. Oh I'm sure it was noticable but I just said I was tired or had allergies or a cold or was cold. Amber was the only one who questioned it and the day she did we didn't talk for a week. This why I wasn't on the football team because the other guys would see.

I didn't know that it was harder being gay in today's world than it had been 100 years ago. I'd liked Puck for awhile now but he had 2 girls vying for his attention, Marie and her sister Ashley who'd just recently broken up with her girlfriend Serena after a very short relationship. Also Puck was the father of Dianna's baby Olivia, who she'd had back in Ohio and was now living with Dianna's aunt Sara. I guess neither of them wanted the responsibility but we were only in high school so that was understandable. That day we all played Spin-The-Bottle, he was the one I really wanted to kiss


	86. Chapter 988888888888

**Puck**

After Marie and I visited my grandmother we visited Kate and then I brought her to Evan and Rebecca's where she slept. I'd driven to the park and slept in my car for a few hours.

It was the next day and I was now walking across the park when I saw Rachel sitting under a tree, her sleeves pushed up. I was surprised to see her not in class, since she was usually so dedicated and motivated, unlike me. She looked sad.

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked her, approaching her.

"Puck," she said, looking up at me.

"Yeah?"

"Sit down."

I sat down next to her. She turned to me and put her arms in my lap, palms turned skyward. Her long dark hair hid her face. On her arms were small precise organised cuts, very much like her.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"That I'm not as perfect as everyone expects me to be."

"It's ok."

She looked up at me with tears shining in her big brown eyes. The girl I'd once thought more beautiful than anything cut.

"Is it though?" she asked.

"Yes. It is."

"Oh."

She sighed, her shoulder shaking. I took her in my arms.

"Hey, shhh."

We sat there like that for awhile.

"Do they hurt?" I asked.

"Yeah but not as much as being perfect."

I reached into my pocket and took out a white tube of Neosporin which I unscrewed the cap off of and carefully put it on her cuts.

"Ow, thank you," she told me.

"It's no trouble," I returned.

I put the tube back in my pocket.

"Then why are you?"

"Because everyone expects me to be."

"Well I don't. you could be covered in cuts and naked and I'd still find you beautiful."

"I don't know whether to be flattered, insulted or amused."

"Well, you know me."

"Oh yeah you want all the ladies."

"I do, actually."

"But. It helps me breathe and-"

"You never stop talking I've noticed."

"Yeah."

"Does anyone else know?" I asked.

That she cut.

"Only Mandy."

"Oh."


	87. Chapter 999999999999999uuuuuuuuuuuuuu

**Chris**

I continued across the park and saw Rachel sitting under a tree. It was surprising to me that she wasn't in class as we both were so dedicated and usually would've been. I approached her.

"Rachel?" I asked.

She looked up at me.

"Oh. Hi."

"Hi why aren't you in class?"

"Didn't feel like going."

"Oh."

"You?"

"Same, kindof. And, I miss my mom."

"Yeah it doesn't feel like a very good today."

"Yeah I know what you mean."

I sat down next to her.

"I really like it here. It's still," she told me.

"Me too. My mom liked this park a lot."

"I remember."

"And you're usually."

"Not," she confirmed.

Still.

"Yeah it's not easy hiding our secrets."

"What are yours?"

"Um."

I looked out across the park. It was very quiet between us and I was very aware of her warm body next to mine.

"I cut," she told me.

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"Here."

She pushed up the sleeves of her butter-yellow wool coat. On her arms were cuts very much like mine.

"You're not the only one."

"You're not always cold. are you," she stated, pulling her sleeves back down.

"No."

"I thought not."

"And."

"And?"

I breathed: "I'm gay."

"You're...I...what?"

"I'm gay Rachel. You know, like your dads are."

"No I know what that means I'm just. wow."

Wow doesn't even begin to cover it.

"Wow doesn't begin to cover it."

I left the park and went up to the floor the choir room was on. At the end of the long narrow thin white hallway in front of the big tall red vending machine was Puck, his back turned to me as he stuck a thin dollar into the machine. I went down the hall and approached his right side, looking down and studied his hand. It was big bigger than mine the fingers long and thick. I wondered what else on him was long and thick. I smiled, embarassing myself with this thought. My fingers were long, thin and delicate. My eyes traveled his arms, which were thick and tan, unlike mine. There were various bruises and scars across his tan skin. I wondered how they got there but didn't ask, as I was too polite to and I knew I wouldn't want anyone asking about my cuts. He punched in a letter number combination, the one for 7Up I noticed. The hall was quiet.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," I returned.

"What?"

He must've noticed the smile.

"Um, just thinking. About sex."

"Oh I know what that's like."

With you, I silently added.

"Any cute girls on your mind?" he asked.

"Um. no."

"Still haven't found the right one?"

Well that's one way to put it.

"No, you?"

"There's Ashley. She's a powerhouse, and beautiful."

"Yeah she is," I agreed.

There was no denying the girl was beautiful, with her slim figure, long light hair and blue eyes. She was a classy dresser, often wearing clothing that clung to her figure.

"And Rachel," Puck added.

"But she's with Cory," I reminded him.

"Yeah, there's that."

"They might break up, I hear she likes a guy in Vocal Adrenaline."

Ashley might be with puck because she's with Cory.

"Our rival choir?" Puck was surprised.

"Do we know of another, Vocal Adrenaline?"

"No I just. wow. How'd you know this?"

"It's funny, when you're as quiet as I am people just assume you're not paying attention."

"Oh."

"It's very West Side Story."

Because they each like someone they're not supposed to.

"And shouldn't you be with Dianna?" I asked.

"Dianna?"

"You're the father of her baby, after all."

"Yeah maybe that's the better choice. If Rachel goes with that guy and Ashley and Serena get back together. What about Amber you 2 seem close."

"She's...a bit much for me," I said.

"I get that."

"So you're on both sides?" I muttered.

"What?" he asked, bending down to retrieve the soda from the bottom of the machine.

"Um, nothing."

"Yeah why? Are you?

"Kindof. And, you kissed Mike that day, so."

"Oh, right. I understand it can be hard at this age, not knowing whether you're gay or straight or in the middle."

He stood up, holding a small short aluminum green can of 7Up.

That was just it, is that I did know. I knew exactly.

"7Up?" I asked.

"Yeah it's for Mandy. She's not feeling well."

"Oh."

"Well..."

"Yeah I'll see you."

"Alrite."

I lightly touched his arm for a minute. Our eyes met, mine gazing into his olive green ones that held all his secrets. He looked down at my fingers, letting me know he wanted me to move them.

"Oh, sorry."

I dropped my hand to my side.


	88. Chapter 100000000000000000000

**Ashley**

I'd gone to my first class and was now on my way up to the choir room. The hallways were crowded, everyone talking. Other than my dad, Rebecca, Evan I hadn't seen my family yet, but then I'd left pretty early so I hadn't had time to as most of them were asleep. I also hadn't see Chris, Rachel or Puck.

When I got there Mandy was there talking with Puck. He was sitting on the bleacher below her.

"Hey," he said, looking up when I came in.

"Oh. Hi," I returned.

"You're not in class?" Mandy asked from her spot on the top bleacher.

"Well you're not either and neither's Puck."

"Oh. Well I'm sick."

"Yes we've noticed Mandy."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Puck's eyes flicker to her face searching. She tried to get up handing her small green metal can of 7Up to him.

"Nothing. I'm sorry it's not you," I answered looking pointedly at Puck.

"So. I think Chris is gay," he informed us trying to break the tension.

"Yeah what was your first clue."

"You knew?"

"Um it's kinda obvious if you really think about it."

"Is there something you need to talk to me about?" Puck asked, his gaze back to me.

"Yeah in fact there is," I returned, stepping forward.

He stood up.

He leaned forward, palms upward and his shoulders rose; "go for it. I'm all yours honey."

His voice was challenging and verging on the edge of an attitude.

"You, broke up my girlfriend and I up!"

"Hey I can't help that you're beautiful."

"Yeah so that's your reason for breaking us up. And sorry love but there's not a whole lot I can do about that either."

"You blink those beautiful blue eyes and you think guys will follow you."

"Well you sure have," I muttered.

"So doesn't that prove it. Isn't that why you're a-"

"Do you mind I'm trying to pass out here," Mandy interrupted.

"Oh. Sorry."

We left the room and went into the hallway.


	89. Chapter 9999999999999999999888888888

**Ashley**

After the fight I went down the hall the opposite way Puck was going. On the way I passed Chris.

"Hi," Serena said from by the wall.

"Oh, hi."

"I want to get back together with you," she informed me.

"Well I, don't."

"But I've missed you."

"Serena, Puck and I just had a fight, 2 of my sisters are sick, my brother's girlfriend's pregnant and each time I try to talk to my dad about our history assignment he's busy. I lost the lead in the ballet because of Kate and-"

"Oh. fine. I get it."

I continued walking.


	90. Chapter 100000000000000099999999999

**Ashley**

An hour or 2 later Mandy and I were still in the choir room. Mr. Schue came in.

"Hey either of you seen Puck or Chris?" he asked.

"No but actually I need to talk to you," I answered.

"I haven't," Mandy said.

"Ok what about?" Mr. Schue asked, bringing a chair over to the bleachers and sitting.

"We feel it's unfair that you won't let Mandy have a part in the show just because she has an eating disorder," I told him.

"But that's precisely why Ashley, is _because_ she has an eating disorder."

"You haven't even given her a chance!"

"Yeah I didn't audition yet Mr. Schue and everyone else did," Mandy put in.

"You're right, that was really unfair of me. If you have some time this afternoon I'll audition you in the auditorium."

"I do, actually, since you talked to my teachers."

"Right."

"And she's in recovery," I pointed out.

"Yeah but that's what worries me."

Mandy sat up; "that I'm in recovery? but isn't that a good thing?"

He looked at her; "you're right, it is."

"So?"

"What if you fall while we're rehearsing? Or suddenly have to leave, overcome with sickness?"

"Then someone else can fill her place," I said.

I looked at Mandy who was looking at me; "not replace you honey, fill in for you."

"Oh."

She looked at Mr. Schue: "as pointed out, you haven't auditioned me."

"Yet I haven't auditioned you yet."

"Right. And Mr. Schue, I don't have cancer."

"Yeah, but if we're in a show and this happens…."

"Mr. Schue, are you really that worried about what others think?" I interjected.

"I just. want us to look professional."

"We will. People make mistakes. People fall down."

Mandy stood up and walked down the bleacher steps.

"Mandy I'll see you in a few minutes," Mr. Schue told her as she left the room.

He stood up, pushing his chair back and went to the dry erase board across the room.

"What can I do for you Ashley?" he asked, writing.

"Well I don't know if you're aware but I have a lot going on. I have glee club, the upcoming musical, homework, ballet, my 3 jobs."

"You work 3 jobs?" he asked, pausing his writing and looking over his shoulder at me.

"Well, 2 of my sisters are sick, so."

I have to.

"Oh."

He resumed his writing.

"And I'm also having relationship troubles, along with everything else a woman my age has to deal with. My anxiety keeps me awake."

He paused his writing; "you don't sleep?"

"Some nights."

"Wow. So have you talked to Em, er I mean, Miss Pillsbury?"

"Yeah and she suggested I talk to you."

"Ok and from me you're looking for...?"

-XXX-

I left the school after talking with Mr. Schue and took the bus to the hospital to visit Rachel.

"Hi," I said to Alice, who happened to be the nurse at the first floor reception desk.

"Hi Ashley," she greeted me warmly, looking up; "you here to visit Kate?"

"No, actually."

"Anna then?"

"No I'm here to see Rachel."

"Rachel..." she repeated, looking down and flipping through her paperwork.

"Berry," I supplied.

"Oh right. She's all the way down the hall, 3rd floor. Ask Melissa the nurse in that dept. which room. I'll page her and let her know you're here."

"Ok thank you."

"You're welcome dear."

I walked all the way down the hall and pushed the round 'Up' button for the elevator.

Heels clicked behind me, approaching my right side.

"Hi Ashley," Steph's voice said.

I looked to my right; "hi."

"You here to see Kate?" she asked.

"No, actually."

"Ok, Anna?"

"That's what Alice asked, and no."

"Oh, who then?"

"Rachel."

"Rachel...Berry?"

The elevator arrived, dinged, doors opened and we stepped inside, the doors closing in front of us. No one else was in the elevator. Steph pushed 7 and I pushed 3.

"Yeah," I said.

"I'm sorry about what happened. How's Serena?"

"Um, thank you. And we don't really talk much."

"Oh."

I wasn't really sure what she was talking about.

The elevator arrived at the 3rd floor. The doors opened and I got out. Melissa, the cute, pretty blonde nurse at the reception desk, smiled when she saw me.

"Hi, Ashley?" she guessed.

"Yeah."

"Hi I'm Melissa. Alice told me you'd be here."

"Hi, yeah is she...?"

"She's right down the hall in 308."

"Ok thank you."

"You're welcome."

I walked down the hall to the room she indicated. A tall well-dressed African American guy was standing just inside the doorway.

"Knock knock," I called.

He turned around; "hi and you're...?"

Rachel poked her dark head so she could see me; "oh hi Ashley cmon in."

Well she was cheerful given she was in the hospital.

"Scuse me," I said to the guy as I stepped around him and into the room.

I made my way to Rachel's bedside. As usual she was wearing bright colors.

"Dad, this is my friend Ashley, from school," Rachel introduced.

The guy by the door leaned forward and shook my hand.

"Hello I'm Steve nice to meet you," he told me.

"You too and thank you," I returned.

"She's lovely," Steve told Rachel.

She smiled.

"I'll leave you 2 ladies to chat," he said, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

"He's really nice," I told Rachel.

"Yeah. Besides my dads and Lea, you're the only other person to visit me."

"Wow. Lea?"

"My older sister."

"Oh ok. Well I talked to Mr. Schue about all I had going on so he told me I could take the day off which is why I'm here at this time."

"Oh, how's the club?"

"Busy, as always. Amber phoned the hospital. She told us you were here but ok. So I'm not too sure what happened."

"Oh. Well I am here as you very well know and I came here because I wasn't ok. Since everyone's going to be asking I might as well tell you."

She began to push up the sleeves of her pink argyle cardigan.

I put my hand over hers to stop her.

"No, don't. Don't do it before you're ready to. You'll know," I told her.


	91. Chapter 977777777777

_**Puck**_

_After I left the park I went up to the choir to practice my guitar which I'd left there. I opened the door and stepped inside closing it behind me._

_"Mr. Schue?" Mandy's sleepy voice asked._

_"No it's me. Puck."_

_"Oh."_

_"Why you up here? And why aren't you in class?" I asked, approaching the gray bleacher step she was lying on; "are you ok?"_

_"Well no not really. Why are you up here?" she countered._

_"Wanted to practice my guitar."_

_"Oh. How long have you been playing?"_

_"Since I was 7. I also play piano also, since I was 7."_

_"7 wow."_

_Surprised._

_"Yeah that's the same thing Ashley said when I told her. Were you expecting Mr. Schue?"_

_"Um yeah kindof. He came in earlier."_

_"Oh."_

_"I didn't feel like going to class."_

_"Oh why not? And right now I got math which I haven't been to in about 3 years."_

_"Um, I'm sick."_

_"Oh wow."_

_Surprised._

_"Yeah, so. I was actually waking up from being passed out when you came in."_

_"Oh well can I get you anything?"_

_"A sprite if you can find one. Or some cranberry juice."_

_"Ok be right back."_

_I left the room._

_-XXX-_

_I was walking down the hall after the fight Ashley and I'd had when I bumped into Chris walking toward me. We both fell onto the hard white tile floor._

_"Are you ok hu- I mean Puck. Are you ok?" he asked._

_"Yeah," I said, getting up._

_He touched my arm and our eyes met._

_"Fukoff," I told him._

_I continued walking._

_"But-" he protested._

_I turned around: "Look, I said."_

_He held up his hands in defense: "ok."_

_I walked a few feet more down the hall, my back to him._

_"But look," he began._

_"Chris."_

_"No you need to hear this."_

_I stopped._

_"Just because you're angry with someone else doesn't mean you need to take it out on me."_

_He had a point. He was usually so docile so this made me stop._

_I heard Chris continue down the hall toward me. He stopped, his hand on my arm._

_"Puck?" he asked softly._

_"I have to get to class," I said._

_"You never go to class anymore. I think I know you well enough by now to know that. Now if you're trying to get ride of me fine but at least be honest."_

_He had me there._

_"Honey I want to help what's wrong?" he asked._

_The only other person who was this nice to me and this patient was Marie._

_"god you're so much like Marie," I sighed, in exasperation and awe, looking up at the ceiling so he wouldn't see the tears forming._

_"It's ok the tears are ok," he told me._

_"Why do you care?" then; "so much," in a whisper._

_I noticed he hadn't taken his fingers off my arm and I hadn't indicated I'd wanted him too._

_"I have nowhere else to go. Class can wait. It's half over anyway, they won't miss me."_

_"Yeah but they'll notice."_

_"I don't care. You're much more important right now."_

_It was kindof sad, what he said, that his classmates wouldn't notice._

_"So what is it?" he asked, looking up at me and lightly moving his fingers on my arm._

_The unexpected touch felt weird, since hardly anyone touched me, other than my mom and even that was different._

_I was about a head taller than him._

_"Ashley and I just had a fight. Girls they're so much drama ya know?"_

_"Oh. Are you 2 broken up?"_

_We started walking down the hall._

_I nodded; "yeah."_

_"Yeah I know that's why I'm not," Chris told me._

_"You're not? Oh."_

_I got it. He was gay._

_"Yeah. Does. does it hurt."_

_"What, the breakup?"_

_"You're not made of granite. You're solid but you don't have to be that solid."_

_Solid enough for things not to hurt._

_"Oh."_

_"And no, your. the. the bruises."_

_"Yeah, but it feels. nice, in a way. No one touches me but my mom and but. that's different."_

_"Wow," he said quietly._

_We'd reached the end of the hall. We walked down the stairs to the first floor, down the hall, out the front doors of the school and outside._

_-XXX-_

_"What was the fight about?" he asked as we left the school, going down the gray cement steps._

_"I apparently broke up Ashley and her girlfriend."_

_"Oh. She can't help it that she's beautiful."_

_"Yeah that's the point I made."_

_"Wow, I'm sorry."_

_"And I guess she doesn't like the fact that I spent some time with Marie, Ashley's sister. I was just trying to help her, nothing happened! Why doesn't she understand that?"_

_"Maybe she's jealous," Chris reasoned._

_"What does she have to be jealous of? She's got 3 jobs that's 3 more than me and the same amount my mom has, she's gorgeous, and oh yeah she's probably taken now. Not that she wasn't before."_

_"Money doesn't always equal happiness."_

_"Well neither does not having any!"_

_"I know."_

_We walked through the parking lot to his low slim white car._

_"Get in," he told me, going around to the driver's side._

_I looked at him across the car; "um what?"_

_"Get in. It's warm."_

_On a day like this everyone wanted to be somewhere warm. He unlocked the doors and got in, as did I. We closed the doors and he locked them. We clicked our seatbelts on._

_"Where do you wanna go?" he asked me, turning the key in the ignition._

_"Anywhere but here."_

_He pulled out of the parking lot. Much like him his car was white, clean and pristine._

_"Wow it's so clean in here," I noted._

_"Your car isn't?" he asked, looking over at me._

_"Well it is but it also smells like smoke, kinda like me."_

_"Tainted."_

_"Yeah."_

_"You should see my house," he joked._

_"Um, can I?" I asked._

_"You. want to see my house?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Ok."_

_"Hey," I began._

_"Hm?"_

_He slid a silver CD into the CD player and pushed 'play'._

_"How come you let me yell at you? Well ok not at_ you, um."

"Because I'm the only one you can yell at honey. Who has the patience. And the time."

"You really like me huh?"

"Yeah yeah I do."

I wasn't sure what to do with this news.

"You...Rachel...Ashley..."

"Remember, during Spin-The-Bottle?""Yeah," I said.

"Well you're the only one I really wanted to kiss."

"Well I don't see any reason we can't."

"Now?"

"Well yeah."

"But...we're in the middle of the road."

"Pull over."

"What?"

"Pull over," I repeated.

He pulled over onto the side of the road.

"Now give me your keys," I told him.

He turned off the car and gave me his keys which I put in the glovebox.

"Hey those are my keys!" he protested leaning forward to get them.

I leaned forward to stop him, putting my hand on his arm.

"You said you wanted to kiss me. Well? What are you waiting for?"

He turned the CD player off. I put my right arm behind his back and brought him close to me. His chest bumped mine which resulted in him arching his back and tilting his head. His fingers drifted up to my neck and wandered. Then his other hand joined them and his fingers clasped themselves behind my neck. I locked my hands behind his lower back.

"Your skin's actually really soft," he told me.

"So's yours."

"I use moisturiser."

At this, I almost burst out laughing.

His lips parted, his tongue ran over my teeth.


	92. Chapter 98888888888888888887777777777

When we got there Chris pulled up in front of this huge white sprawling house. It was kindof intimidating in its bigness.

"This is your house?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Well yeah."

"It's so big."

"I know. It gets lonely sometimes with my dad and I being the only ones here. He's an auto mechanic so he's at work now."

"He's the one who...?"

"Yes he's the one who..." Chris confirmed.

Who hit Artie in the car accident which led to his death.

Chris turned the car off and unlocked the doors. He opened his and unbuckled.

"Well? What are you waiting for, get out," he quoted me.

I opened my door and got out, closing it behind me. He did the same.

We walked onto the sidewalk and up to the front door which was tall and white. He unlocked the door and we went into the ceilings were high. It smelled like lemons and brownies.

"It smells good. Fruity, I mean no not fruity that's the wrong word I'm sorry, um."

Chris smiled; "it's ok."

"Lemon...y. and like brownies."

"Yeah the housekeeper came in earlier. And I baked earlier."

"You bake?"

"Wow you're really surprised by my house."

"Sorry should I not be?"

"No it's...it's great actually. Really cute."

He dropped his keys into a chestnut bowl.

"My grandmother has one just like that," I commented.

A ginger tabby walked across the floor.

"That's Ginger. Fred should be here somewhere," Chris informed me.

"As in...?"

"Yes, as in Fred and Ginger. Oh, I also have a dog, Dino after Dean Martin."

"Wow."

"You're not allergic are you?"

"No. You seem like a cat person."

'Oh?" he asked walking into the kitchen.

"Yeah. You're sweet and...sophisticated."

"Oh well thank you. Oh I also have a snake, Mercury. After..."

"Let me guess Freddy Merury."

"Yeah. As opposed to the chemical."

"Which people used to go mad from."

"Yes I know."

He raised his eyes to the ceiling.

"Alice In Wonderland's one of my favorite books. Here I am rambling on about me. What would you like to eat? I have cookies."

He brought this fact up because in the book the Mad Hatter goes mad from mercury on his hat brim.

He looked over and smiled at me, very excited by the prospect of cookies.

"Cookies sound good."

"Should I put on apron?" he asked, eyes lighting up as he spun around, entering the kitchen.

"Hun er I mean Chris, you're not a housewife and we're not in the 1950's."

"It's ok."

He brushed past me grazing my hand then went to the white oven.

"I have chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal, fudge, sugar, ooh I have sprinkles!"

I laughed at his enthusiasm.

"Hey if you want sprinkles, go for it."

"Ok."

He set to work making the cookies.

I sat at the kitchen table watching him. He was cute, with his small build and contagious enthusiasm when he got really excited about something. Once you got to know him it was hard not to like him, really like him. Really really like him. I smiled.

A large long hair gray and white old English sheepdog wandered over to me. He nudged my knee.

"Wow he's gorgeous," I said, looking at the dog who plopped himself right down next to my feet.

"That's Dino, he likes sprinkles. And new people," Chris introduced, opening a package of sugar cookies.

"Where's the snake?"

"In his cage so he and the cats won't get in a fight."

"Oh ok."

Dino seemed perfectly comfortable not having me pet him.

"He's not very social," I observed, of the dog.

"Yeah, depends on the day. He and the cats can sense when people aren't happy. We've had him for awhile."

"Oh."

"So, tell me about you."

He spread the cookie dough on the large metal baking sheet then put on blue oven mitts, opened the oven and slid the cookie sheet in, closing the oven door. He took the oven mitts off and set them on the microwave, on top of each other.

"Mmm cookie dough," I said sarcastically.

He laughed, coming over to me and the dog.

"Why don't we go somewhere more comfortable?" he asked, taking my hand.

-XXX-

Chris led me into the white living room and onto the white couch where a slim, short hair, black and white cat was sitting. We sat down.

"Hey Fred," Chris said.

"Me, well. Um. I'm used to being with girls...yes I am surprised by your house since mine's like, an 18th of this size...I'm from New York...and oh wow," I started.

Chris was unbuttoning my shirt with one hand while running his fingers across my head with the other.

"I like James Dean, um. I'd never admit to this but I like-"

His mouth pressed against mine shutting me up. The contact was soft but firm. His lips tasted like strawberries, which I knew was an aphrodisiac. His breath tasted like peppermint.

Fred wandered the back of the couch.

Chris unbuttoned his coat, took it off and tossed it onto the other couch, opposite the one on which we were sitting. He hooked his hands around the back of my neck locking his fingers. I wound my arms around his back and slowly lowered him onto the couch so that his head was touching the arm of the couch the fireplace was near. He kicked off his shoes.

"I'm from New York...used to model...like the movie Grease, also RENT..."

He licked his lips then brought his tongue out and licked mine, then brought his tongue to the center, asking for entry.I parted my lips just enough to let his tongue in. Once he was horizontal on the sofa cushions I brought my hands around and unbuttoned his crisp white shite then pulled it over his head and tossed it over the back of the couch, missing the cat.

Chris's hands unclasped and came down my back. Then in front where they unbuttoned my shirt. I was suddenly very aware that the cat was watching us.

"Mmm," was the best I could manage.

"What?" he asked, taking his tongue out of my mouth long enough to ask this.

"I'm very aware that your cat's watching us."

He laughed, his ribs going up and down.

"What?" I asked, positioning myself on my hands so that I was looking down at him.

"You know what whorehouses are known as right?"

"Oh, cathouses. yeah."

I got the reference.

"Good thing neither of us are girls. Fred, you mind?" Chris asked the cat.

The cat left.

"You taste like strawberries," I told him.

"Yeah that's kinda the point."

He shivered.

I positioned myself on top of him, being careful only to have my upper body perfectly horizontal and directly above him, while my lower was slightly off center. I didn't know if he wanted sex yet.

"There. Better?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Mmmhmm. Um, wow. You're...a hell of a kisser."

"And, a football player. You're tiny."

"Oh."

Something in his eyes changed.

"No it's not a bad thing. It's really cute."

I kissed his forehead.

"Dont worry I'll protect you."


	93. Chapter

My right hand came across Chris's left side and went up to unbutton the large buttons on his wool coat. I slowly tried, rather unsuccessfully, to unbutton it discovering it was difficult with only one hand.

"Mmm," I said.

He paused for breath long enough; "what?"

"It's hard to do this one handed."

"You can unhook a girl's bra but this you can't do."

"Yeah but those have hooks. This has. buttons."

He sighed; "ok hold on."

"Ok."

We let go of each other. He reached across me to the glovebox which he got the keys out of. He stuck them in the ignition and turned on the car.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he started driving.

"I'm making biscuits what's it look like?"

"But..."

"Do you really want people to see me driving naked?"

"Oh."

I saw his point.

"We can do that when we get to my place. That's something my dad once told me."

"The making biscuits one?"

"Yeah."

"Are you angry with me?" I asked.

He inhaled, his shoulders rising up and down; "no honey, I'm not. I'm just. Not a rule breaker."

"Unlike me over here."

"Yeah you're a regular James Dean."

"I am, actually. You're so."

"Hm?"

"Um Idinno, pristine."

"Not as pristine as everyone thinks. You'll find that once we get to my place."

"And it's not that I can't, its that I'm not used to buttons, big ones. With hooks, I just slide my fingers over it and it comes open."

"Oh. But don't some girls wear button shirts?"

"Yeah but they do the work themselves. Santana, for instance."

"Big surprise knowing her."

"Do you not, like her?"

"I'm gay have we not gone over this?"

Oh. Right.

"I just meant that she's easy. Well from what I've heard I don't actuallly have any experience since, as said."

"Oh. Yeah she is."

-XXX-

"The cookies are probably done by now," Chris said when we were done.

We were both naked.

"Yeah and we should probably get back to school."

I sat up so that he could get up.

"Here," he said, tossing a long think pink blanket thing at me; "put this on it's a sarong."

"But won't I look ridiculous?"

"Would you rather wear a robe of mine which probably won't fit?" he asked, annoyed.

"Oh."

"I mean, honestly, you're really hot. And, I don't mind. But honey, as pointed out, we can't drive back to school like this. Damn."

He looked down at his phone.

"Yeah?" I asked, standing.

"Text from Amber. Yeah we have to get back to school she needs me for costuming. Bathroom's down the hall to the left if you want to...you know."

"Ok thanks."

I gathered my clothes and went down the hall to the bathroom where I closed the door and started the shower.

"It feels different when it's someone nice," Chris said once we were in his car, dressed and driving back to school.

A recording of him singing showtunes filled the air. I held the cookies in a tin on my lap. By now it was lunchtime. The weather hadn't changed.

"The touching, the kissing, the..." he trailed off.

"Yeah, yeah it does," I agreed, looking wistfully out the window at the passing trees.

In his living room we'd explored each other, his body about 2/3 lighter than mine. Bright red cuts ran along his arms and legs, I traced them and kissed them. His light ladylike fingers traced my bruises. He was one of the most physically delicate people I'd met, next to Kate and Mandy. But unlike them he wasn't sick.

"Whatcha thinkin about?" he asked, rounding a corner.

"What just happened," I answered.

"Yeah me too."

"Are you repulsed by me?"

This question surprised me. I widened my olive green eyes and looked at him.

"No of course not why would you think that?"

"My cuts."

If anything, they made him more attractive.

I sighed; "Oh Chris. Honey. I have bruises if you haven't noticed."

"Yeah I have and I wonder the stories behind them."

"No, I'm not. If anything they make you more attractive, more...human. Not as pristine. Idinno, something I can touch, but carefully."

"Wow that's beautiful."

"I'm a songwriter and thank you."

"You're so careful with me."

"Yeah of course I am.."

"During the games, you're so. idinno. physical. You won't let anyone in."

"Yeah but you're different."

"How?" he asked, pulling up to the car in front of us.

We were at a stoplight.

I looked over at him, my head resting on the headrest; "we just made out, that's how."

"So we're together now."

"Yeah," he confirmed; "yeah I guess we are."

The changed green and I had a sudden memory of Artie singing 'Lean On Me'. He had this amazing voice, and he was a really cool guy, really sweet with Tina.

Chris pulled forward, following the car.

"I miss him too," he told me, as if knowing.

"Yeah, he was really cool. Amazing voice. Didn't let much stop him."

"I know. Maybe he's trying to tell us something, when we think of him. That's what my dad told me about my mom."

Such a sentimentalist.

"Like what?" I wondered, looking ahead.

"That he's still here. It's hard on Tina."

"Yeah, well it would be."

"Oh by the way we're having locker checks," he informed me.

"Shit, when?" I asked, worried.

I envisioned the school staff searching my locker and finding my packs of cigerettes.

"When lunch is over. Amber just told me. I'll put your smokes in mine, they'll never suspect me."

I breathed; "ok thanks."

"Sure, after what you've done for me."

"What?"

"You let me in. I know how hard that can be hun. You're the only other one, besides Amber and she's a bit demanding. Oh did I tell you I joined the Cheerios?"

The Cheerios were the cheerleaders.

"No you didn't, cool. I mean, if it makes you happy. It's not somehting I'd do but tha'ts just me."

"Yeah, it does. And I know. Well, Amber and I joined."

"Oh."

"And you know Mr. Schue's getting a divorce..."

He rounded another corner; "um, my dad and Cory's mom might get together."

"Wow. The quiet observer," I said.

He smiled.

"Oh, and after locker checks Amber and I are going to fit Mandy for her costume."

"Oh."

Now I saw what he was so annoyed about. Amber was, as he put it, a bit demanding and Mandy, who was very thin, would probably end up upset if she didn't fit into her costume.

By now, we'd reached the school. He parked in the parking lot, turned off the ignition, took the key out, unlocked and opened the door and we got out. We walked into the school with our arms around each other.

-XXX-

It was finally the end of the day, and we were all in the choir room with the exception of Ashley and Rachel. Chris and I were sitting together, the cookies on his lap. Cory and Santana were sitting together as were Serena and Brittany. Mr. Schue was standing at the whiteboard at the front of the room.

The locker checks had gone well. During the costuming for Mandy it was discovered that her costume had to be taken in which Chris said he'd do.

On the board was written RENT in black marker.

"Where's Rachel?" Mr. Schue asked.

"I saw her in the park earlier," Amber said; "you want me to call her?"

"Yeah, ok."

Amber left the room.

"Ashley's not here either," I said.

Mr. Schue looked at me; "I gave her some time off."

"Oh."

While we waited for Amber to get back I noticed it was starting to rain. I put my arm around Chris, pulling him into me. Santana had hers behind Cory, sortof claiming him. Tina, Mandy and Mandy's boyfriend were sitting together.

Amber came back in.

"Ashley's not here," she said.

Mr. Schue looked at her; "yeah I gave her some time off."

"Oh."

"What happened with Rachel?"

"Well she's in the hospital but she's ok."

"Ok, have a seat."

Amber came and sat on the other side of Chris.

"We have a lot to go over today," Mr. Schue said from his spot at the front of the room; "we're going to be in a music video, and also going to have rehearsal in the auditorium with the band and lights."

He indicated the word on the board; "who can tell me what this means?"

Brittany raised her hand.

Mr. Schue looked at her; "yes, Brittany?"

"Money you have to pay each month."

"Right."

Amber raised her hand.

"Amber?"

"The reason, among others, my dad's a dentist."

"Right, ok Puck?"

"Why my mom has to work 3 jobs."

"Ok, good. It's also the musical we're doing. I need your ideas for the set, costuming, props. Let's all go to the auditorium."

We stood up and left the room, Chris and I at the end of the line. As the rest filed out, I pushed Chris against a wall and kissed him. He kissed back.


	94. Chapter 100000000099999999998888887po

I left the room, joining Chris in the hallway.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey."

I slid my fingers into his. We started walking down the hall.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Well, really well, actually."

"What songs are you doing?"

"Some Bob Marley, Jack Johnson. And I want to do something with Ashley and Santana, and with the 3 of us."

"Nice."

"Yeah, you?"

"I want to cover soundtracks."

I smiled; "somehow I'm not surprised."

He smiled too.

"Ashley's a sweet girl," I said.

"Yeah she is. She's...a combination of myself and Amber with the beauty of Serena and vocal range of Rachel," Chris agreed.

"Yeah. You hungry?"

"Yeah you?"

"Very."

We'd reached the end of the hall. We opened the large heavy metal doors and went down the stairs. The doors closed behind us, echoing.

"Speaking of Ashley," Chris mentioned.

"Huh?" I asked.

"She's having a sleepover at her palce tonight. We're invited."

"Alrite cool."

"Her family's making Italian. She told us to bring whatever, some DVDs. Apparently we're going to smoke hookah?"

I nodded, picturing a hookah.

"You know what that is?" he asked.

I nodded; "yeah its middle eastern. The caterpillar in Alice In Wonderland smokes it."

"Oh ok yeah I know what that is."

"Hey."

"Yes?"

"Would it bother you if I slept shirtless?"

His blue eyes widened as he looked at me; "omygod honey have you seen you? It would absolutely not."

"I thought not."

I pushed him against the wall, pinning his arms above his head.

"Now shut up and kiss me," I told him.

We locked eyes as he licked his lips. He pouted, and I brought my mouth forward, firmly kissing him. His tongue found its way inside my mouth, and mine in his. Our tongues touched.

We touched our foreheads together and stayed like that for awhile.

-XXX-

After a long rehearsal Chris and I were in the auditorium on the stage in the center near the front, talking. Everyone else had gone home.

"Long rehearsal," I told him, leaning back onto the stage and taking him with me so that his head rested on my chest.

"Yeah but you did great. Great voice." he said.

"Thanks, yours is beautiful."

"Thank you and you're welcome."

I wrapped my arms around him.

He sighed, his back moving up and down on me.

I smiled at the ceiling.

It was very still in the auditorium. Unlike my place. I dreaded going back because of my mom, who sometimes came home drunk and upset. She rarely took it out on herself. She'd get me up from the couch and knock me against the wall. And even though I was taller than her the shock still hurt. I hadn't been home all day but the bruise on my back from last night hurt, made evident by the hard stage floor.

"Ouch," I shifted; "sorry, will you...sorry."

"What honey? Am I hurting you?" Chris asked.

"No it's, my back."

"Oh."

I unhooked my hands from him and he got up to a sitting psoition, letting me flip over onto my stomach.

"Better?" he asked.

"Yeah."

I could hear his legs move around untill they were to the side of his body. With his right hand he lightly traced my back.

"Ow," I said when he arrived at the bruise; "be careful."

"I will. I will. How'd it happen?"

"Um my mom came home drunk last night, got me off the couch and slammed me against the wall."

He slowly placed his hand on my bruise. The heat absorbed through my shirt.

"I'm sorry," he told me.

"Thank you."

I rested my head on my folded hands.

"Why?"

"Idinno, she's angry when she drinks."

"How long has she been drinking?"

"Since my dad left."

"Has she ever...?"

"What?"

"Um."

His hand moved up and down as he breathed; "sexually...abused you?"

I clenched, shutting my eyes, seeing only darkness.

"Oh, I. wow."

"Don't, ever ask that again," I told him firmly.

"I'm sorry."

He moved his hand away.

"No, I liked it there. It helped," I told him.

He put it back.

Then slid onto his stomach untill he was eye level.

"You can open your eyes now," he told me.

"Won't you be uncomfortable there?" I asked.

"I don't want to hurt you."

I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw were his clear blue ones.

"I want to be your bruise," he told me.

"Hm?"

"From Spring Awakening?"

"Oh."

"It means...I want to be your pain."

"No. I won't let her hurt you."

"Oh and her hurting you is better?"

"Chris."

"Sorry, jus sayin."

"As long as I'm here she can't find me."

"I know," he whispered.

I got lost deep into the world of his clear blue eyes. He was such a gentle person. So careful with me.

"She's called me a whore," I admitted.

"Oh god. Honey."

"Yeah I know. I get numb so this exact thing won't happen."

"My mom taught me the heat thing. Now, I know one of the stories."

"Hm?" I asked.

"You know, the heat. thing."

Oh.

Chris reminded me a lot of a deer, the way he was so gentle and careful and a little shy. A deer watched Matthew Shepherd die.

"You ever see anyone die?" I asked him.

"What?"

"Well, you remind me a lot of a deer, which got me to think that a deer watched..."

"...Matthew Shepherd die," he finished.

"Yeah."

"No, have you?"

"Yeah, actually. My sisters."

His eyes filled with sadness.

"Least now she can't hurt them," I mumbled.

"Shhh."

He laid his hand on top of mine.

"I."

"No, shhh."

His eyes were firm.

"You're letting yourself feel something."

"What?"

"With me having my hand on your back, and talking to me."

Oh.

"What was your mom like?" I asked.

"A lot like me, actually. You'd love. would've loved her."

"Wow. I can't imagine having a mom like that."

"I know you can't but that's why I'm here."

I listened to his breathing, felt his small body move up and down next to mine.

"Your eyes are so beautiful," I told him.

"Thank you. Yours are so deep and pain filled, strong and sex-charged."


	95. Chapter 1009999888887777777666655555

**Serena**

Ashley had hurt me, a lot. Apparently she was too busy with her family, puck and her 3 jobs to be in a relationship with me. She'd been my first and that hadn't lasted very long. We hadn't even had a chance to have the girl version of sex. I got it I did. Really. But that didn't mean I had to like it. Because I didn't. We'd had a fight the other day where she basically ended it.


	96. Chapter 100jukil

**Kate**

It was Monday. I was in my last class before lunch, geometry. I was having trouble concentrating because I felt dizzy and nauesous. I didn't know that I'd be able to make it to lunch. I'd tuned out the meaning of x, and what our homework was.

"Kate," the teacher said.

I blinked; "huh?"

"Are you alrite?"

"Um..."

"Do you need to go home?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Ok. Excuse me."

We left the classroom and went down the hall and to the office on the first floor of the high school, where I called my dad who'd come get me.


	97. Chapter 89999999988888888

**Louisa**

Cherie and I were making out on the couch when the front door opened and in came dad and Kate. The door closed behind them.

Again I was too depressed to go to school which is why I wasn't there.

"hey what are you doing here?" I asked surprised to find Kate home in the middle of the day.

Cherie and I sat up holding each other. Kate sat on the couch next to me. Dad went into the kitchen.

"I wasn't feeling well so they let me out of school early," Kate explained.

"oh."

"and you?"

"im too depressed to go."

"oh."

Cherie was seemingly staring at Kate.

"what I have cancer," Kate told her annoyed.

"no I…I just. I think you're beautiful," Cherie said.

"well thanks for trying."

I squeezed cheries hand.

"um. Can I get you anything?" she asked.

"no but thanks."

"ok. Im Cherie by the way."

"hi Kate."

"she's my. Girlfriend," I told Kate.

"oh. Nice to meet you."

"yeah you too."

"well," Cherie stood, sensing how uncomfortable this was, "im thirsty. Louisa ya want anything?"

"no but ill come w/," I said following her into the kitchen where dad was.

"hey nice to see you again," he told her.

"thanks you too. How are things?"

"busy. A little crazy. And you?"

"they're ok."

Dad left going to talk to Kate.

"hey sorry about my sister," I apologized.

"no im used to it."

"oh. Ok."

I pulled out a chair from the table and sat down.

"Cherie ive been thinking," I told her.

She came and sat next to me.

"yeah?"

"um. To be honest…."

"oh no."

"what?"

"the last time a girl said that to me she broke up w/ me."

"that's not what this is about."

"ok. Sorry."

"no you're fine."

"go ahead."

"well this isn't an easy thing for me to say but. I don't, see you, quitting any time soon."

"yeah you know ive been thinking about that too and. Much as id love to be a donor for your sister I. I don't know that I can. Im so sorry to do this to you."

There. Now it was finally out in the open.

I inhaled.

"yeah im, sorry too. I mean. in a way. Better we find out now than when we take. They. They take draw your blood."

"yeah."

"its not exactly your fault that you're an addict."

She leaned forward and put her hand on mine; "its not yours either kitten."

Then looked down; "but you don't do drugs."

"yeah but I get why you do. We have to tell my dad."

"about the drugs?" she asked quietly.

"no about the blood. I wont say anything about. You know. Them."

"oh ok thanks."

"sure."

"hey dad," I called.

"yeah?" he asked coming into the kitchen.

"we need to talk to you."

"sure where?"

"not here."

-XXX-

We went down the hall into his room where we sat on his bed. He closed the door then moved his desk chair over to us.

"so what can I do for you ladies? Everything ok at home Cherie?" he asked looking at her.

"well they're the same as ever Mr. Fitzgerald if, you really consider that ok. But that's not really what this is about. Thanks though," she answered.

"ok. And sure."

"we were Louisa and I were thinking I might be a match for your daughter. You know. Blood type. But turns out I cant give her either of them blood for personal reasons. And we feel its better for you to know now than during the blood test. Im really sorry to do this to you since that's not making any of you happy and that's what I want to do esp. for Louisa."

"oh well. Wow. that's very very touching. Cherie. Im stunned and touched."

"yeah so was I," I put in.

"and very mature of the both of you. Wow. Louisa you're really growing up."

I smiled; "dad im only 14."

"only 14? You should've heard the wisdom that came out of her mouth the other day," Cherie said.

"well thank you," dad said.

"of course."

"you can stay for dinner if you want."

"can I help w/ dinner?"

Dad smiled; "no, no dear that's fine."


	98. Chapter 9000000009999999999

**Rachel**

I was in my hospital room the day I'd cut. I'd been there for an hour. I'd cut too deep and some guy I didn't even know found me and brought me here. After checking me the nurses had finally left me alone. I'd told Alice I was going to take a walk.

I'd walked for about 20 minutes down the hall to the oncology wing when I peered into a room and saw a small young woman, thin and bald sitting in a hospital bed. No one else was in her room.

"Hi," I said quietly from my spot at the doorway.

She looked my way and smiled: "hi."

"Is it ok if I come in?"

"Sure. I could use some company."

"Thanks, and me too."

I came into her room and sat in the chair aside her hospital bed.

"I'm Kate," she introduced.

"Rachel. So...you have cancer?" I questioned.

She laughed: "yeah. I mean I'm in the oncology ward."

"Right right. Nice to meet you."

"Thanks you too."

"Thanks."

"Mmmhmm. So what's brought you here?" she asked.

"Cut too deep. Some guy found me."

"Oh. Yeah a couple of my sisters cut. One has an eating disorder and the other one has cancer."

"Wow. My dads are gay," I contributed.

"How simple."

"Yeah. Your sister Mandy?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. How old are you?" she asked.

"17 you?"

"13."

"Oh. What kindof cancer do you have?"

"Leukemia same as Anna."

"Your other sister."

"Yeah I was diagnosed at age 2, she just a few weeks ago."

"2 wow."

"I know


	99. Chapter 911111111111100000

**7 p.m.**

**Cory**

That night at 7 I pulled up in front of Santanas, which was right next door to Chris's. I parked, gout out of the dark car and went up to her white front door where I rang the small round white doorbell. She came to the door and opened it, looking hot in a black dress with thin shoulder straps.

Her hair was up in a black clip, making her look hotter.

"Wow you look um."

I was slightly uncomfortable because she looked hot.

She smiled; "yeah I know thank you. Come in come in."

She took me by the hand and led me inside.

"My parents are out of town and my sisters are at work, so we have the whole place to ourselves for a few hours."

"Wow um ok."

I was an awkward person to begin with and her coming on to me made me all the more awkward.

"Have a seat," she told me, leading me into the dimly lit living room and sitting me on the now dark couch.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No I'm-"

"I won't be but a minute," she told me, wandering off.

I sat there in the dark wondering how this was all going to work.

She came back in the room with 2 large round glasses of red wine.

"Here," she said, sitting down very close to me.

She placed the glass in my waiting hand and set hers on the black coffee table then sat on me and began pulling my green sweater off.

"Santana I really don't drink and I'm not-"

"Drink it. Take a sip. It tastes like fruit. Shut up and kiss me," she told me, firmly pressing her lips against mine.

"You know, it's really hard for me to take a drink when you-" I said when she was done.

"Mmm you have really soft hair what kindof shampoo do you use?" she interrupted, running her fingers through my curly brown hair.

"Dove."

"Mmm Dove."

She took the wine glass from my hand and brought it up to my lips.


End file.
